Silence & Security
by adorablecullens
Summary: Two years after her marriage to Jacob Black ends, 37-year-old single mom Bella buys a house. Will the handsome single dad next door help her learn to love again? Or will Edward’s presence in their life only reinforce Renee’s trauma-induced silence?
1. Prologue

_**So I'm new at this folks … first time writing fanfic. All reviews and constructive criticism greatly appreciated. Bella and Edward are in their late 30s in this story, but I've tried to keep their characters fairly consistent with the originals, but reflective of their growing maturity. All human, and some lemons to come in later chapters, I'm sure. Thanks for your patience and input!**_

The mid-summer sun had long set, and the moon was making an appearance in the night sky. Its silver light streamed unobstructed through the window into the living room, making patterns on the bare wood floor. I stepped carefully around the moving boxes piled against the walls. The walls of my house.

_My house._

I cocked my head toward the staircase, listening for any sound from upstairs. But there was none. Exhausted from our big move, my five-year-old daughter, Renee, was sound asleep in her new room. It had taken me a long time to settle her down tonight after the excitement of the day. But now she slept soundly, her black hair spread out on the pillow beneath her.

I stepped forward into the pool of moonlight on the living room floor, and slowly knelt, tired joints crackling. Some of my long brown hair - lightly sprinkled with grey now – slipped from its messy bun and trailed down the sides of my face. I let my fingertips brush over the smooth grain of wood floor.

I felt every one of my 37 years as I knelt there, my body aching from the efforts of the day. But the overwhelming emotion coursing through my veins was pride.

At long last, Renee and I had a home to call our own.

I knelt there for a very long time. In a previous life, I might have wept with the emotion sweeping through me. But that part of me seemed to be gone, burned away in the fires of the last four years. That which remained belonged to survival.

And survive we had.

We were finally home.


	2. Coming Home

I woke abruptly, my eyes darting around the unfamiliar room. Then realization sunk in, and I relaxed against the pillows.

I felt the familiar warmth of my daughter snuggle closer into my body – Renee had joined me in bed at some point during the night as she sometimes did. I wrapped my arm around her little body and pulled her against me. I brushed my lips against her silky black hair, breathing in her scent. Whatever else Jacob Black had visited upon me during our doomed marriage, this – our beautiful dark-haired daughter – was perfection.

The July sun streamed into my bedroom, making further sleep impossible. I had no idea what time it was – I hadn't been able to find the clock radio before falling into bed last night. I found my watch on a box beside the bed, and groaned inwardly. It was 6 a.m. and time to get up. I had a long day of work ahead of me getting our new home in order.

I looked back down at my daughter and saw her dark eyes open, gazing at me silently. She smiled at me and reached up to tangle her fingers in my hair.

"Good morning, beloved," I said softly, stroking her black hair. Her smile grew broader. "Did you get lonely in the night and come to sleep with mommy?" Renee nodded and cuddled closer. We lay together for a few more minutes in drowsy silence. Renee drifted back to sleep, her breath making a little whistling sound. I slid my arm out from underneath her, and sat up on the side of the bed. I blinked in the sun and gazed out over my new neighborhood.

Richmond was close enough to the city to be considered a suburb of Seattle – but barely. The distance from the city was the main reason that housing prices were so reasonable here. My bedroom window faced south east. From Renee's western window at the back of the house, you could just see the Cascade Mountains over the trees.

Our home was a cozy brick townhouse, one of many in the tree-lined complex imaginatively named Twilight Hills. We had three bedrooms all to ourselves – unimaginable luxury compared to what we had experienced in the past. There was a finished family room in the basement, and even a small fenced backyard that we shared with the adjoining townhouse.

In other words, paradise.

I went into the bathroom, opened the box on the counter and fished out a towel, shampoo and soap. I started up the shower and stepped in, luxuriating in the hot water. Come what may, I loved my showers and always took my time whenever I could. (Lord knows there had been few enough of those opportunities when Renee had been a baby.) So I stood there for a while, hot water pouring over my face and shoulders, washing away the dried sweat and dirt of yesterday's move. Somehow it felt even better knowing the shower was mine – well, mine and the bank's. But it was more security than I had known for years.

While Renee slept, I quickly dressed, plaited my hair and trotted downstairs for a breakfast of cold cereal and hot coffee. (The coffee maker hadn't even been packed on the moving van – it had sat in the back seat of the car, beside Renee's car seat, on the final trip from our old apartment.)

Body clean and fueled, I got to work.

Our possessions were few, but getting the kitchen unpacked was still a lengthy process. I had just finished stacking the last of the plates when I heard a small footfall at the kitchen door. I looked up to see Renee standing there in her nightgown, looking uncertainly at the chaos of boxes and paper around her.

"C'mere sweetie," I said, crooking my finger at her before washing the newsprint ink from my hands. She pattered forward, and hugged me around the waist. I stroked her dark hair. Then suddenly, my daughter looked up at me and spoke.

"Mommy, home."

Her voice was a small whisper, but to me, it was the sweetest sound in the world. And not just because she was my daughter, and my whole reason for living.

It had been nearly two years since Renee had stopped speaking.

"_Elective mutism?" I asked in disbelief, my hands clenched tightly together. (The half-moon bruises from my fingernail tips digging into my palms would take days to disappear.) _

"_It's not a common diagnosis – controversial in some circles," Dr. Snow explained. "True elective mutism may be a reaction to a traumatic event, the aftermath of an injury to the mouth or throat, particularly if it is painful, or a symptom of extreme shyness." Renee was in the outer room, playing with the speech therapist. I could hear her laughter. It sounded so … normal. My jaw tightened, and I could feel a dull flush coming over my face. Lynn Snow, who had been Renee's psychiatrist since the "incident" (as everyone euphemistically referred to it as) gently pushed the tissue box across the desk to me. "In her case, we obviously consider trauma the trigger._

"_I know this is difficult, Bella, especially after all that you and Renee have had to endure. But I have every reason to believe she will overcome this. We both know how strong Renee is." Dr. Snow smiled, catching my eye. "And her mother, too."_

_I smiled wanly, but I knew it didn't reach my eyes. I took one deep breath, then another. Somebody help me! I begged inwardly, but there was, of course, no answer. No one is coming to rescue me, I thought suddenly. I have to do this on my own. Another deep breath._

"_OK," I said. "What do we do?"_

_And so therapy had begun. We measured progress in baby steps – one word at a time. Now nearly two years after her diagnosis, Renee had begun to speak again with ongoing speech therapy. Her words were few, but each one was music to my ears. She had a quick, lively mind that could not be suppressed, even with all she'd been through._

I pulled Renee's body tight against mine, my heart overflowing with joy at this moment. Finally, I was able to speak again.

"Yes, we're home, baby. We're home."


	3. Magic

The kitchen was in working order, and I was tarping the furniture in the living room when the doorbell rang. Renee had been coloring at the kitchen table, but she dropped her crayons and ran down the steps to the door when she saw who was waving through the window.

I followed her down the stairs and unlocked the front door with a wide smile. Standing on the steps, looking beautiful even in her grungy paint clothes, stood my best friend Rosalie Hale.

"Going to invite me into your new home, or are you going to leave me here on the front step?" she asked. Renee pushed impatiently past me and attached herself to Rose's leg with a delighted sound. "Hi beautiful!" Rose crowed. "Are you loving your new house?" Renee nodded fiercely, and Rose threw back her beautiful blonde head and laughed.

Suddenly everything seemed easier, even with the enormous amount of work ahead of us. Rose was here.

Together, we walked up the stairs to the main floor of the house. When we reached the top, Rose looked around and gasped.

"Oh. My. GOD!" she shrieked, causing both me and Renee to wince. "What were they THINKING?" She reached out and touched the nearest wall. The nearest bright _orange_ wall. The living room and dining room were both painted in the same garish shade of tangerine.

"I don't know, Rose, but I'm glad they did it. My real estate agent says the paint color might have been the reason the house was on the market as long as it was. And I got it for less than most other houses have gone in this neighborhood lately. So horrid as it is, don't knock my orange house." I grinned at her as I crossed the room, picked up a paint roller and handed it to her. "You won't be so sassy after the first coat of primer," I said.

"Sweet Jesus." I could hear her murmuring as she absently accepted the roller from me.

It took Rose and I the rest of the week to paint over the hideous orange living and dining room walls with the warm brown we had selected together. In between coats, she helped me finish unpacking the remainder of the house. With Rose's skilled touch, our meager belongings shone in their new nooks and crannies. There were a million advantages to having Rose has a best friend – the fact that she was talented interior designer was just one of them.

By Saturday morning, five days after the moving van had pulled away from the curb, I was officially settled into my new home – with no more orange walls.

"I don't know how you do, Rosie," I said with a smile, surveying her handiwork on the staircase landing. Using a bit of fabric and a couple of silver picture frames, she had dressed up a shabby little end table, making the previously empty space look warm and inviting.

"I'm very, very good at what I do," she responded pertly. "Just like you. Although I have to admit, I don't know how we're going to change that light bulb way up there," she said, pointing up to the ceiling above the staircase. The ceilings were unusually high in this house, and the one above the deep staircase was far out of reach. Naturally, smack in the middle of it was a light fixture with a burnt out bulb.

"We'll probably need an outdoor extension ladder," I mused. "I'll put in one of those long-lasting fluorescent bulbs." I sighed, mentally adding it to my long to-do list. "But let's not worry about that now. We've done enough for one week, I think."

"And tonight, we celebrate that," declared Rose, descending the stairs and scraping brown paint off one of her fingernails. I opened my mouth to protest, but she cut me off. "Don't argue with me. You need to relax and have a little fun after all this hard work."

"I don't want to leave Renee with a sitter tonight, Rose. She's still getting used to the change in her surroundings," I said in a low voice. Renee was on the floor of the dining room, coloring a life-size cut out of her body that I had made for her out of brown wrapping paper. We didn't own a dining room set, so this room was still empty. The floor was bare with lots of room for a five year old to spread out her art supplies. She looked adorable in her paint spattered denim overalls, an exact match to the pair I was sporting at the moment.

Rosalie scowled at me for a moment, but this was one argument she'd never win. Renee came first, every time, and she knew it.

"OK," she grumbled, then brightened. "Then at least let's have dinner together. We'll eat on your back deck."

"That sounds great," I said with a tired smile. "What do you want me to make?"

"No way," she said, shaking her blonde hair. "I'll bring dinner. And wine. And don't argue with me."

Rose left shortly after noon with a promise to return around six with dinner. I walked slowly up the stairs to the living room and slumped down on the hardwood, being careful not to lean against the still tacky trim. I was exhausted. My eyelids fluttered shut, and I put my head on my knees. It just felt good to rest.

I don't know how long I sat like that, but eventually, reality crept back in. Had I fallen asleep? I didn't have my watch on, so I had no idea how much – if any – time had passed. I glanced up through the newel posts to the dining room.

Renee was no longer there.

I heaved myself to my feet. Beyond the dining room, I could see the sliding doors that led to the little deck off the back of the house.

The screen door was open, just enough to allow a five-year-old to slip through. I felt my stomach clench. I took the short flight of stairs up to the kitchen two steps at a time, and stopped. A smile spread over my face, and I relaxed.

Renee stood on the deck, smiling sweetly, hands clasped behind her back. Something on my neighbor's adjoining deck had captured her attention. Maybe the family next door had a dog …

Through the open door drifted the sound of a voice. A man's voice. Talking to Renee. Asking her questions. My smile faded abruptly. I started walk toward the patio doors again.

When Renee reached through the posts to the neighbor's deck to take something being handed to her, I broke into a run. I couldn't help myself.

My daughter wasn't the only one who suffered lingering effects of trauma.

I didn't trip on my way through the kitchen, but I did skin most of my knuckles trying to wrench the patio door open wide enough to get through. Renee turned at the sound of me bursting out onto the deck. I reached down and lightly clasped her wrist, turning it so I could see what she had in her grasp.

It was a flower.

Relief washed over me, followed rapidly by embarrassment at my over-reaction. I looked up from the flower, up into the eyes of my neighbor.

They were the greenest eyes I'd ever seen. Set in the most magnificent face I'd ever seen.

Over the years, I may have learned to hold in my tears, but there was nothing I could do to stop that betraying blush from flooding my face at most inopportune times. And having just made a total ass of myself in front of my daughter and new neighbor – who was apparently the most handsome man in the world – this was definitely one of those times.

We stared at each other for a seemingly endless moment. I could feel my cheeks flaming under his wide-eyed gaze. Part of me wanted the deck underneath my feet to open up and swallow me. The other part of me wanted to stare at him forever.

He was tall, much taller than me. His ripped blue jeans and a snug black t-shirt showed off a nicely sculpted body – he clearly worked out, but not so much that he looked like an alien like some guys I'd seen. Still, his broad shoulders seemed to go on forever. He had a beautiful head of thick bronze-colored hair that seemed to defy gravity in the way it stuck up straight from his face.

His face.

Despite my embarrassment, I couldn't bring myself to look away from his face. Handsome – yes. But that wasn't what held me. It was the little things – the crinkles around his eyes, the laugh lines imprinted around his mouth, the unexpected vulnerability in his full lips. Not to mention the blush that was rapidly mounting in his light skin, and the chagrin I could see reflected in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," we both blurted out at exactly the same time. Our mutual mortification kicked up a further notch, followed by still more blushing on both our parts.

The incredibly awkward moment was broken by a delighted chortle. I was finally able to break eye contact and looked down at Renee, who had wrapped her arms around my upper thigh. She looked from my face to the stranger's and back again. Then she giggled again, clearly amused by our discomposure.

Flushing to the roots of my hair, I looked back at the man in front of me. My stomach gave a jump at the sight of him again, but I felt like had a little more control of the situation again.

"I'm very sorry," I repeated, trying not to stumble over my words. "I'm a bit over-cautious with my daughter and strange men." _Terrific – I called him strange right to his face._ "We just moved in." _Way to state the incredibly obvious, Bella._ "My name is Bella Swan, and this is my daughter, Renee."

"Nice to meet you," the stranger said his generous lips relaxing into a warm smile. "And please, don't apologize. You were just being careful." He extended his hand, and we shook, his big hand swallowing up my small one. "My name is Edward. Um, Edward, uh Cullen."

"Nice to meet you, Edward," I mumbled. I tried to ignore how good my hand felt in his. _Stop it, Bella, there's no way a guy like this is single._ At that thought, I couldn't prevent myself from looking down at his left hand. No wedding ring. But that didn't mean anything these days. _Maybe he's gay? Yeah, all the good ones are married or gay at this age. Stop, stop, stop!_

Edward let go of my hand and knelt. He looked through the wooden rails of the divider between my deck and his, and offered his hand to Renee.

"Hi Renee. I'm Edward. It's nice to meet you." Renee looked at him from around my thigh with a shy smile. Her luminous eyes shone from under her long eyelashes. When she had stopped speaking, Renee's ability to charm people increased exponentially – she was a master flirt. She had her father's natural social abilities, and none of my painful shyness. With a dimpled smile, Renee extended her hand, daintily shaking with Edward.

He stood back up, smiling. "She's a real beauty," he said to me. "Just the one?"

"Yes," I said a little sharply, preferring not to start answering the usual series of questions about my daughter – one of which inevitably ended up being something like "Oh, is she shy?" or worse, "How come she never talks?" I wasn't ashamed of Renee's condition, but I was deeply ashamed of the circumstances that had led to it.

Edward must have seen the emotions that flitted across my face in that moment because his own expression became slightly confused. There was another awkward pause between us, and I felt the blush returning to my cheeks. Even more mortifying was the warmth I was starting to feel in other parts of my body. _I feel like a 16-year-old_, I thought desperately.

"Well, um … I guess I'll see you around?" Edward asked uncertainly. I peeked back up at him and saw he looked as flustered as I did. But not for the same reasons, I told myself dryly.

"Yes, I'm sure we will," I replied faintly. I took Renee's hand and steered her gently back to the kitchen door. She fluttered her fingers at Edward with a cheeky smile, and he waved back. I risked one more glance at his face and felt my knees wobble a bit as he directed his smile at me. I blushed even more and scooted through the screen door, thankfully not bashing my head on the door frame as I escaped into my home.

After I latched the door, I leaned against the wall for a moment to collect my thoughts. _You're a damn fool, Bella_, I scolded myself. But then I remembered his face and couldn't stop a goofy smile from crossing my face.

I took a deep breath and blew it out. Then looked down as Renee tugged at my hand to get my attention. She was handing me something … the flower that Edward had given to her. I took it from her, then examined it more carefully.

It was a rose.


	4. Eavesdropping

EPOV

I arrived home from the airport very late Friday night (actually, more like Saturday morning when all was said and done) and was exhausted when I finally pulled into my driveway. _Whoever thinks business travel is glamorous,_ I thought, _never did five cities in seven days in the US Midwest. _I remembered the days when I could party all night with my brother and sister, chug a gallon of water, take two aspirins, change and show up for work with a smile. _Those days are past me now,_ I thought sourly. _The big 4-0 is bearing down on me like a freight train._

I dragged my suitcase out of the trunk and headed for the front door. But before I got there, a quick flash of light caught my eye from the upstairs window of the neighboring townhouse. I noticed curtains had been hung, and there was a potted plant on the step. A blue car was parked in the adjoining driveway.

_Looks like I have new neighbors at last,_ I thought without much enthusiasm. _Hope they're nicer than the last ones._ I unlocked the door, climbed upstairs to the bedroom, and was asleep in 20 minutes, suitcase still packed.

I woke late the next morning, a treat I rarely enjoyed these days. I showered and dressed, then picked up the mail. Brewed some coffee and chewed on a stale bagel. I sat at my breakfast table forlornly … I was always lost when Lily wasn't here.

After a couple hours of moping and feeling sorry for myself, I suddenly remembered the miniature rose bushes my mother Esme had given me before I left on this trip. She was forever trying to spruce up the house, give it a more "feminine touch", she would say, looking pointedly at me. I had put the pots on the back deck and promptly forgotten about them. They were probably dead already. Esme would kill me.

I stepped out on to the patio and discovered, much to my shock, that the roses weren't dead. In fact, they appeared to be thriving despite my neglect. I watered them with a kitchen pitcher and picked a few dead leaves off the stems. The little white rose blossoms were very pretty, and I wished Lily were here so I could share them with her.

The screen on the deck beside mine slid open just a little, and I glanced up quickly, expecting to see my new neighbors, whoever they might be.

The most exquisite child I had ever seen stepped out on to the deck and smiled at me.

I had to smile back – there was no way you _couldn't _smile at her, she was that sweet. Black wavy hair tumbled down almost to her waist. Her skin was a light russet tone, and her perfect bow-shaped lips were pink. She had dark eyes, so dark they were almost black – like the heart of a purple flower. She was dressed in little denim overalls covered in paint.

"Hello sweetheart," I said as she looked at me in silence. "Are you my new neighbor?" She nodded vigorously. "Well, I'm glad you're here at last. Your house has been empty for a while." Her eyes wandered from my face down to the white roses I had been poking at. "Do you like the roses?" I asked. Again, the firm nod. "Would you like to have one?" Another nod, followed by an even brighter smile. She might not be big on words, but there was nothing shy about this little beauty.

I carefully pinched one of the miniature roses off near its base and handed it to her through the wooden divider between our decks. No sooner had she accepted it from me, though, did the patio door fly open, and a woman strode out on to the deck. She quickly grasped the child's hand. Gently, but swiftly, she turned it over to examine the gift I had given her. Then she looked up at me, fierce challenge still radiating from her face.

_Ohmigod, she thinks I'm a molester_, I realized in horror. What the hell was I thinking, a total stranger giving a child a gift – even one as innocent as a flower - without consulting or even meeting the parents first? Of all people, I should have known better. The mother probably thought I was the proverbial leering stranger with a handful of candy. I felt myself flush with embarrassment.

I raised my eyes to meet hers, and instantly lost all intelligent thought. I should have known that a child this beautiful had to have a mother who was equally breath-taking.

Her hair was brown, not black, but it was long and wavy like her daughter's. And in contrast to her daughter's warm copper skin, the woman's skin was luminously pale. Even dressed in overalls and splattered in paint, she was lovely. The blush rushing to her pale cheeks only made her more appealing.

But the thing I admired most about her was how every inch of her beautiful figure radiated fierce protection for her child. She was a mother, through and through.

"I'm so sorry," we both blurted out at exactly the same time. I blushed even harder at this, desperately wanting to kick myself for being such a fool. But I couldn't stop staring at her … I felt like I could drown in those bottomless brown eyes.

A sudden sound finally broke the endlessly awkward moment between us. It was the little girl letting out an enchanting, gurgling laugh. She wrapped her little arms around her mother's leg, and looked back and forth between our two faces. She actually seemed to be … laughing at us.

If it were possible, my neighbor's face got even redder. Then she turned back to me and spoke firmly, as if trying to assert control over the situation.

"I'm very sorry," she said. "I'm a bit over-cautious with my daughter and strange men." _Yeah, no doubt she thinks I'm pretty strange at this point –since I'm acting like an idiot._ "We just moved in. My name is Bella Swan, and this is my daughter, Renee."

"Nice to meet you," I said, unable to stop a smile from spreading across my face as I looked at her. "And please, don't apologize. You were just being careful." I reached out to shake her hand, feeling my heart beat accelerate as we touched. "My name is Edward. Um, Edward, uh Cullen." _What's my damn name?_ _I cannot possibly make a bigger fool out of myself at this point. Can I?_

"Nice to meet you, Edward," she said, dropping her gaze. I took advantage of her momentary distraction to quickly check out her left hand – no wedding ring. _She can't possibly be single – she's too beautiful to be alone, _I cautioned myself.The last thing I needed was to get my head kicked in by an angry husband or boyfriend.

I could see her child – _Renee,_ I reminded myself – looking me expectantly. I knelt down and offered my hand to her as well.

"Hi Renee. I'm Edward. It's nice to meet you." Renee looked at me with an unmistakably arch look on her face. She smiled flirtatiously and shook my hand. _What a little heart-breaker,_ I thought. _She and Lily are going to get along just fine._

I popped back up to my feet, eager to see if Bella's face was as stunning as I remembered. It was. "She's a real beauty," I said. "Just the one?"

"Yes," said Bella a little shortly. A tiny frown flickered across her face, a hint of sadness dancing on her brow. The urge to stroke that frown away, to smooth her brow with my fingertips, was so strong it almost took my breath away. I found myself struggling to regain control of my suddenly rampaging hormones. Bella watched my face carefully, and blushed again. _Jesus, what's wrong with me? I'm 38, not 16,_ I thought frantically, fighting the urge to look down to see if the erection that had suddenly made itself known in my jeans was visible. _Is she looking at my crotch?_ _I have to get out of here!_

"Well, um … I guess I'll see you around?" I half said, half asked. She looked up at me through her long sooty eyelashes, and my jeans got tighter. _Oh fuck,_ I wailed internally. _Is this really happening to me in front of a child?_

"Yes, I'm sure we will," she replied, taking Renee's hand and going back through kitchen door. Renee waved and smiled coquettishly at me as they left, and I returned the gesture.

As soon as they were gone, I darted into my kitchen and leaned against the wall. I clenched my eyes shut and thought about nothing until my hard-on subsided.

_You're a damn fool, Edward,_ I thought. But then all I could think about was her face, and I stood there, smiling.

I'd just finished eating my supper when the doorbell rang. I glanced up at the clock, but I hardly needed to. Come what may, she was always punctual.

I flung open the door and spread my arms. Lily bounded past her mother and into my arms for a big hug.

"I missed you Daddy!" she cried. "You were gone so long!" I hugged her close, smoothing down her wild blonde hair. We stayed like that for a moment, until I could see Tanya shift ever so slightly on the front doorstep. I released Lily and looked up at my ex-wife.

"Hello Tanya," I said pleasantly. She smiled a bit distantly back at me. We had been divorced for nearly three years now, and remained on reasonably good terms. We both knew how important it was for Lily that we stay cooperative.

"Hi Edward. Good trip?" she asked, not waiting for my response. "Lily really appreciated the calls before bed every night." She stepped into the front hallway with Lily's things for the week. We spent the next 15 minutes reviewing the week's schedule, and talking about who was buying what for back to school this year. Lily was eight, and entering third grade this fall. When we were done, Tanya called to Lily, who was zooming around upstairs like a firecracker. She raced downstairs, smothered Tanya with kisses and hugs, and then darted away again. We looked at each other and chuckled.

"Give my best to Carlise and Esme," she said as she stepped out the door. Then she spotted the car in the adjoining driveway, along with the other signs of inhabitation. "I see someone finally bought the orange house," she said.

"Yes, I met them this morning," I said, willing my face not to turn red when I thought about Bella. "They have the most adorable little girl, maybe four or five years old."

"Good, someone for Lily to boss around besides us," Tanya smiled, looking at my face sharply. Not much escaped my ex's eagle eyes. Thankfully, she let the moment pass. "See you next Sunday, Edward."

Lily and I spent what was left of the evening playing board games and catching up on the week. Then she took a bath, talking to me a mile a minute as I sat just outside the bathroom door. (She had banned me from her bathroom activities the year previous, much to my chagrin. She was growing up so fast.) After three bedtime stories and many questions about the new little girl living next door, she finally drifted off to sleep. I sat in the old rocker beside her bed by the open window, listening to her breathing and thanking God she was mine.

My marriage to Tanya had probably been a mistake right from the start, but I couldn't bring myself to regret it because it had given us Lily. We were the luckiest parents in the world, with the most wonderful daughter in the world. But I suppose every parent thinks that way, I smiled to myself. The thought of other parents made me think of Bella, and I became aware of voices outside the open bedroom window. I heard glasses clinking, and I realized that Bella was on her patio. I listened.

"You spoil me, Rose," I heard Bella's voice float up to the window. I edged the rocking chair closer to the window.

"What else are best friends for?" came the reply. I was aware that part of me was happy she was sharing a drink with a girlfriend, and not a man. "You deserve to be spoiled, Bella."

Bella's response was too low for me to hear, and I strained to hear better.

"Yes, you do," said Rose firmly. "Come on, Bella, you're 37, not 97. You need to start living again." _Living again? Could she be divorced?_ I suddenly realized I was eavesdropping on a private conversation. _A gentleman would move away from the window, and stop listening,_ I thought. I wasn't feeling very gentlemanly right at this moment.

"I am living, Rosie," said Bella. "Look, I just bought a house! We're planning a beautiful house-warming party. I'm on vacation during the summer for the first time in five years. We're drinking red wine on the patio. Is this not more living than I've done in a long time?"

"Well, yes," agreed Rose rather reluctantly. "But I was thinking more along the lines of you dating again. Meeting someone. Falling in love. Having sex. Remember sex, Bella?" asked Rose pointedly, and the two of them lapsed into giggles. Then Bella let out a long sigh.

"Of course, I miss all those things. Including sex." More giggling. "But the timing isn't right. In a few more years, maybe. Right now, I've got bigger things to worry about. Like where Renee is going to go to school next fall. And paying my mortgage."

"Those things are important," said Rose, "but you have needs too. You can't keep putting yourself on the back burner, Bella. It's not healthy."

There was a silence so long that I wondered if they had gone inside. Then Bella spoke again.

"I know. But those things … meeting a guy, falling in love … I just feel they're not within my reach anymore. I think of them more in terms of Renee now. I want her to have those things when she grows up, to have the happiness that Jacob and I never really had." _Jacob? Must be the ex-husband,_ I thought.

"I want so much for her to be happy," Bella said quietly. "I want her to have those experiences – her first kiss, first love. Those moments …" Her voice tailed off into silence, then continued, the words tumbling out quickly. "You know those moments, Rose, when you meet someone and you just know something magic is happening? Your stomach is full of butterflies, your heart is pounding and you can't decide whether you want to die or have the moment go on forever." Her voice was charged with emotion.

"I want moments like that for Renee. Lots of them. She's had to grow up too quickly, know too much too soon. I want her to have those kinds of uncomplicated moments, where she can just … live, feel … without having to worry about the things I worry about." There was a pause. "That's what I want for her, Rosie. And I would gladly trade away my personal happiness to secure a future in which that's possible for my daughter."

I stood up abruptly at this point and stumbled away from the window. I made it as far as the hallway, then I had to sit down again. I couldn't hear either of their voices from here. I had eavesdropped enough for one night.

I had never, in 38 years of living, heard anyone speak so beautifully, so eloquently, about what it meant to be a parent. She had captured everything I felt in my heart for Lily and put it to words. Whatever else Bella Swan was, she had the soul of a philosopher.

And she had also put into words everything I had felt meeting her this morning for the first time. Bella was magic to me.


	5. Getting to Know You

Chapter Five

BPOV

Sunday dawned bright and sunny – a perfect day for our gardening plans. I made Renee chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, then we went to the local nursery to buy hanging baskets, window boxes and some seeds.

Renee was happy as a clam, digging up the patch of soil we'd allocated as her garden in the little back yard. She was crooning softly to herself as she dug, a sound she made when she was content. I was up to my elbows in dirt, moving some brightly colored pansies into the window box I planned to hang from the deck, when the door to Edward's patio slammed open with a bang. Both of us looked up in surprise at the sudden noise.

Peering over the railing at us was a little girl, about seven or eight years old with unruly blonde hair and a scattering of freckles across her nose. I knew where she had gotten her gorgeous green eyes from. She was dressed in Hannah Montana pajamas.

"Hi," she said brightly.

"Hi yourself," I replied. "I'd shake your hand, but I'm covered in mud." I held up my soil-covered hand, and the girl giggled. "I'm Bella Swan."

"I'm Lily Cullen," she answered, looking curiously at Renee who had stopped digging her garden to smile up at Lily. "Are you Renee?" Lily asked. "My daddy told me there was a girl living here now named Renee."

"Yes, that's Renee," I answered. At the urging of Renee's speech therapist, I kept my intervention in conversations to a bare minimum. Sometimes it was very hard not speaking on behalf of my silent daughter. But in this instance, it seemed that my input was definitely not needed.

"Do you like Hannah Montana?" asked Lily. Renee nodded and smiled. "I have a Hannah Montana coloring book – would you like to color with me?" Renee looked at me for permission. I nodded and, after hosing down her filthy hands and giving her a good brushing off, watched as she climbed the steps up to Lily's deck. The two settled down at the patio table with their pencil crayons and markers. Lily's tongue went a mile a minute, and I doubt Renee could have gotten much of a word in edgewise even if she did speak.

With one eye on the girls, I went back to my transplanting, but was interrupted by the banging of the patio door once again a few minutes later. Edward bounded out on to the deck, wearing jeans and no shirt, wet hair going every which way. He looked absolutely gorgeous, and my heart staggered at the sight of him.

"Lily, I've told you before not to leave the house while I'm in the shower …" He stopped when he saw Renee sitting at the table, then immediately looked over to our side of the deck to find me.

"Shhhhh," I said, acutely aware that I was covered in soil and hardly looking my Sunday best, while he looked like a god. "The girls are bonding over Hannah Montana."

"So I see. Guess I'm not the only one with a protective streak in them," Edward smiled sheepishly and ran his hand through his wet hair, scattering drops of water on to Lily's arm.

"Ewwww, Dad, gross! You're dripping on me," she said, and Renee giggled. "Just go back inside and put a shirt on. I am fine." She sounded much aggrieved to have been called out in front of us.

"I'll keep an eye on them, Edward," I said. "Please go finish … what you were doing." _Gah,_ _did that sound … sexual?_

"Thanks," he said, reddening as he glanced down at himself. "I'll just grab a shirt. Would you maybe like a coffee? I put a fresh pot on before I got in the shower."

"Um, sure … I'd love a coffee. Black, please." Edward smirked at me. "Take it like a man, huh?" I blushed scarlet at that. He went back inside, returning 10 minutes later in a white shirt and jeans, still bare foot, bearing two steaming cups of java. I gratefully accepted the coffee, jumping a little at the electricity that seemed to spark between us when our fingers brushed against each other. We sipped our drinks while the girls colored.

"That's a nice window box," said Edward, jerking his chin toward the box of pansies I had just hooked over the deck railing. "But you might want to keep it away from me since green things seem to die when I'm near them." I gestured, puzzled, to the miniature roses beside us.

"That's an awfully strong statement for someone with white roses flourishing beside them," I said with a smile. "I've never managed to make roses grow like that."

"My mom gave me those. They seem to enjoy being ignored by me." He blushed a little. "My mom … Esme … is forever trying to improve my house. She's an interior designer. She and my dad, Carlise, are semi-retired; they live in the city."

"It's nice that they're close by," I said with a touch of regret. "My father is also retired, lives up in Forks, on the Olympic Peninsula. We see each other as often as we can – which isn't often enough. Charlie likes to take Renee fishing."

"And your mom?" he asked.

"She died not long before Renee was born, actually," I said. Edward looked embarrassed, and I reached out to touch his hand instinctively to quell his guilt. Even that light touch seemed to resonate through my whole body. 'It's OK, don't feel bad. She lived life to the fullest in the years that she had. It was almost as if she knew her years were numbered, and she crammed in as much living as she could."

"I'm sorry," he said simply. "It's sad that she never got to see Renee."

"Yes, that was a great sadness for me. Renee was my mom's name. I always feel like part of her soul is living in my daughter now." I sipped my coffee as the two of us leaned against the railings of our decks. "I was an only child, too, so I really miss my mom."

We looked over at the two girls who had abandoned their coloring books for a soccer ball – Lily was telling Renee about a soccer camp she was attending next week. "How old is Lily?" I asked.

"She's eight," said Edward. "She's a dead ringer for her mom, but her personality is all Alice." He caught my puzzled glance. "Alice is my twin sister. She is … exuberant. And very perceptive," he said with a smile. "I have a brother too, Emmett. They are all coming here next weekend for a family get-together – my family is pretty loud, so you'll probably know when they are here." We stood together in companionable silence for a few minutes, watching the girls play. Then Edward spoke again, a little hesitantly.

"I … share custody of Lily with my ex-wife," he said. His gaze wandered shyly over to mine, then slid away. "Are you … I mean … are you on your own with Renee?"

I dreaded this question – it was where things started to get complicated. A lot of guys couldn't deal with the answer that followed. And if they couldn't deal with this, then they weren't right for me … or Renee. I found myself hoping desperately that Edward was NOT one of those guys.

"Renee's father died a couple of years ago," I said, turning to face him. I watched as horror and embarrassment raced across his features. "Sorry, I know that's a bit of a shocking thing to tell someone …" Edward leaned across the railing and put his finger on my lips to stop me talking. I froze, startled by his nearness. And equally startled by my sudden desire to lick the length of his finger.

"I can't believe you're apologizing for telling me your husband died," he said. "I should be apologizing to you … asking you all these difficult questions. I'm so sorry that you and Renee have had to weather all these tragedies." He removed his finger slowly, and I suppressed a small sigh that it was gone. "Please accept my sympathies for your loss," he said more formally.

"Thank you," I murmured. "It can be terribly awkward, telling people that you're a widow in your thirties." I smiled a bit bleakly.

"Then let's talk about something else, not so sad," Edward said gracefully. "Why don't you tell me what you do for a living? I'm guessing … something creative. Maybe with young people?"

"Close," I said, relieved that he had taken things so well. "I'm a teacher, but I teach older students – high school, some college level, mature students, and so on. I teach English Lit, with a specialty in the classics. What about you?"

"I work at Seattle Children's Hospital," he replied, then stopped as he saw my face freeze up a bit. "But I'm not a doctor. I'm part of the group that selects the researchers who receive hospital foundation grants for medical research." He saw me visibly relax, and chuckled ruefully. "I have to admit, most women I meet are disappointed when they hear I'm _not_ a doctor. You're the first person I've met who seems to be happy that I'm not."

"Suffice to say, I've had enough of doctors in my life," I said.

"Then I'm suddenly very glad I'm not a doctor," Edward said softly, glancing at me, then looking away with a blush. My heart did a little flip-flop in my chest at his words, and I could feel my face redden.

But just then, Lily kicked the ball over the back fence, which required Edward to go fetch it the long way around. And the moment was gone by the time he returned. But we stood on our decks and chatted for the next hour about all kinds of things – family, friends, places we'd been, our jobs. Then the clouds rolled in and it started looking like rain.

"Time to clean up, and then I'll make lunch, sweetie," I called out to Renee. She pouted briefly, not wanting to leave Lily. I gave her a sharp look, and she sighed loudly. Renee gave Lily a little hug and then came back over to our yard.

"Thanks for the coffee, Edward," I said, handing back the empty cup. "Next time, it's on me." He smiled, and went down to kick the ball around with Lily before the rain came.

Renee and I cleaned up the yard, with me talking to her the entire time. This was part of her daily speech therapy – learning how conversations worked and how to participate in them. She didn't speak today – probably because she knew Edward and Lily were close by – but she answered my questions in her own way, with pointing, nods and smiles.

Just as we were finishing, the skies opened up, and we dashed for the door. As we washed up for lunch, I caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror. My cheeks were flushed, and I couldn't seem to get the smile off my face every time I thought of Edward.

Home ownership, it seemed, was really agreeing with me.

~~ - ~~

EPOV

When the rain began, I went inside with Lily and started fixing her lunch, my mind still back with Bella. She seemed very alone in this world, with no brothers and sister, having buried her mother and husband already. No wonder she and Renee seemed so closely bonded – they were each other's strength.

"Did you have fun playing with Renee?" I asked Lily as she sat and spun on the kitchen stool, waiting for her grilled cheese and vegetables.

"Oh yeah," she responded. "She's a pretty good soccer player for a little kid." The superior tone in her voice was evident, and I covered my mouth with my hand to hide the smile.

"I'm glad you have a new friend to play with, then," I said. Lily nodded.

"Hey, Dad, why do you think Renee can't talk? Do you think she was born that way?" she asked casually, giving herself a big spin so that her hair flew out to the sides. I froze, knife in hand, carrots still on the counter in front of me.

I went back over the two times I had met Bella and Renee for some recollection of the little girl's voice. There was none. She had not spoken a word to anyone, not even Bella. I had barely noticed it … Renee's presence was such that you just didn't notice the absence of a voice. Then I remembered Bella's ongoing commentary as they had cleaned up the back yard … complete with questions and appropriate gaps for responses. _She's been taught by a speech therapist to do that, to model conversational structure to her daughter,_ I though immediately. I realized Lily was sitting there, staring at me, waiting for my answer.

"How do you know she can't talk, honey? Maybe she's just shy," I hedged.

"No, she's not shy. She just can't talk. Maybe she doesn't speak English?" Lily said.

"Maybe," I said. "Does it bother you that she doesn't speak?" I asked curiously.

"Nope," said Lily, doing another spin on the stool. "I like being the one who gets to talk all the time."

"I bet you do," I replied dryly, and we both laughed at that. But as we ate, my mind wandered to Bella and Renee – how much had they endured together? How could two people so beautiful be so utterly alone in the world? I thought about all the times my sister and brother, or my parents, had come to my rescue when I needed a hand – Bella didn't seem to have anyone to help her out.

_Maybe she does now_, a voice in the back of mind said.

~~ - ~~

_**OK, I think we'll have a first kiss in the next chapter … plus we'll meet Edward's family. Reviews are most welcome! I'm amazed at how many people have put this story on alert. Thank you!**_

_**I did have someone ask me why Bella and Edward are older in this story than they usually are. I don't have a bright answer to that one, except to say that because the story is all human, I thought it would be interesting to try aging the characters a bit, just to see what they'd be like a few years down the road. Let me know if you think it works.**_


	6. Family

_**OK, this chapter got away from me and ended up being really long. Thanks for the reviews and nice emails! I'm loving this story and hope you are too.**_

BPOV

It was still raining on Monday when I got up – depressing. It was time to return to a bit more of the real world today. Renee was going back to her daycare after spending the last week at home with me. And I had a long list of chores and things to do around the house.

Most people automatically think being a teacher gives you the summer off – nothing could be further from the truth for me. I usually taught summer school, or picked up an English as a Second Language class to fill out my income during the summer. Occasionally, I did private tutoring. All the extra money had gone into the down payment for the house.

This was the first summer in my teaching career that I had taken off. I had saved very carefully to ensure I could live these eight weeks without an income. It was wonderful and scary at the same time.

Renee's daycare teachers were thrilled to see her back. The daycare was about 45 minutes from our new house, but I wouldn't even consider moving her closer. It was an excellent facility, and the teachers went the extra mile to work with Renee on her speech. I left her there each day with confidence – you can't put a price on that.

And so the week went. I'd drop Renee off then return home to work – cleaning, organizing, unpacking the last few boxes. Touching up trim. Hanging pictures. Cooking and freezing meals for the fall ahead.

After dinner each night, Renee would go outside to play in the backyard. More often than not, Lily would join her, and I'd get half an hour with Edward. I looked forward to those half hours far more than I wanted to admit. It didn't matter what we talked about … I just enjoyed being with him. By the end of the week, Lily and Renee went in and out of both houses like they owned them.

Rosalie dropped by on Wednesday after work. I poured her a glass of wine as she told me about the latest interior design job she had landed. Renee sat on her lap and played with her hair as we chatted. Then the back door banged open, announcing Lily's arrival.

"Hi Bella, my dad's looking for you. C'mon Renee, let's play Barbies." Renee wiggled off Rose's lap, and the two of them were gone.

"Who was that?" asked Rose, still shocked by Lily's sudden appearance in my kitchen.

"One sec," I said, getting up. I poked my head out the door and saw Edward leaning against his side of the deck, a questioning look in his eyes. I desperately wanted to go out to him, but that meant Rose would come too. And I didn't think I was ready to watch Rose giving Edward the third degree.

"Hi … I've got my friend … Rosalie … visiting just now, so do you mind keeping an eye on the girls?"

"No problem," he said with a smile. "But I have to say, it's not as much fun without you here." I blushed, caught up in his eyes. We stood there like a couple of mooning idiot for a few seconds, then I said goodnight and retreated into the kitchen. Rose was sitting at the table, her sharp gaze taking in my flushed cheeks. Then she stood up, walked past me and rolled the glass door of the patio nearly shut so Edward couldn't overhear us.

"You've been holding out on me," she accused. "Who is he?"

"Who?" I asked lamely.

"What do you mean, who? The man you were just talking to! Who is he? Is he that little girl's father?" Rose's hands flew to her mouth in horror. "Oh God, he's not married, is he? Having an affair with your married neighbor is NOT a good idea. Believe me, I've done it."

"Oh for God's sake, Rose," I said sharply. "He's not married. He's divorced. And his name is Edward. And we're just neighbors, nothing else."

"Uh huh. Right." She topped up our wine glasses. "Tell me everything."

"There's nothing to tell!" I protested. "Lily and Renee are friends, and sometimes Edward and I talk. We have coffee on the back deck. That's it." _Oh and every time I look at him, my heartbeat goes into overtime. _

Rose kept looking at me, and I felt my face get even redder. "What?" I asked. She smiled at me.

"You like him, don't you? I mean, really like him." I looked down into my wine and refused to answer. "What does he look like? Is he hot?"

"He's out on the deck. Go look at him for yourself if you're so interested," I said flatly. Much to my horror, Rosalie pushed the chair back and started heading for the door. "Stop, no! Don't go out there!" She started to laugh when I grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Bella Swan, you DO like him! I can't believe it!" She allowed me to march her back to the table and push her into the chair. When I sat back down in my seat, Rose was looking at me with a tender expression on her face, all teasing gone. "I'm happy for you, honey. It's about time you met someone."

I heaved a sigh and sipped my wine. "Rosie, I don't know if he feels the same way I do. I don't even know entirely how I feel about him. It's been so long … I don't know how to do this anymore." Rose reached across the table and held my hand.

"It's like riding a bicycle, sweetie. You never forget how to fall in love," she said softly. "I'm 39 and I'm still doing it on a regular basis," she concluded wickedly. Rose was single, had never married and was decidedly cougarish in her taste in men. She never lacked for company.

"I'm not falling in love," I insisted. "It's … a crush."

Rose raised her glass, clinking her rim gently with mine. "OK, then here's to crushes," she said with a chuckle. And we drank to that.

~~ - ~~

On Friday night, Lily did not appear at our back door, and Renee was much put out. I remembered that Edward had said his family was visiting, and I explained to Renee that we might not be seeing Lily as much this weekend.

"No fair," she suddenly said, her lower lip jutting out.

"Yes, no fair," I agreed. "And that was very good speaking, Renee," I added, unable to suppress my delight at her speech.

~~ - ~~

I was just settling down to read a book on Saturday afternoon, when the patio door flew opened and Lily blew in.

"Bella, can Renee come over and play with my Uncle Emmett?" she asked pleadingly. "Pleeease?" Renee was already at Lily's side, nodding furiously and clutching her playmate's sleeve.

"Well, sure, Lily, as long as it's OK with your father." But by this time, I was talking to their backs as they raced out the back door and down the stairs together. I followed them out on the patio and found Edward's yard filled with people. I shrank back toward the door, not wanting to interrupt. But someone had already caught sight of me.

"Oh, please don't go," said a low, lovely voice beside me. I turned and saw an elegant woman with graying hair watering the white rose bushes on Edward's deck. "You must be Bella, the new neighbor we've heard so much about. I'm Esme, Edward's mother. Won't you join us?"

"Oh … I couldn't … I don't want to intrude, honestly," I stammered.

"Ooooh, is this Bella?" asked a short dark-haired woman stepping out of the open patio door. "My name is Alice … I'm Edward's sister." She extended her hand across the railing and I shook it automatically. "Would you like red or white?"

"Red or white … what?" I asked stupidly.

"Wine, silly. Jasper is pouring both right now, so it's no problem." At this, a very good-looking blonde man (presumably Jasper) stuck his head out the door and smiled at me. "I recommend the red," he said conspiratorially. "We brought it, and it's much better than the stuff Edward keeps in the house."

I took a deep breath and smiled weakly … no wonder Edward had warned me in advance of his family. I tried not to think about how all of them knew who I was.

"Tell you what," I said. "Let me go upstairs and change into something a little nicer than dirty jeans and a ripped t-shirt. Then I'll come back down and enjoy a glass of your red, Jasper."

"I like you already," grinned Jasper, vanishing back into the house. Alice and Esme both laughed.

"My daughter, Renee, is here somewhere – with Lily," I said to them. "Would you keep an eye out for her?"

"They're probably both with Emmett," said Alice, rolling her eyes. "He's about the same mental age, maybe younger." A booming laugh came from somewhere in the house, followed by delighted squeals. "See, like I said."

Satisfied that nothing catastrophic would happen while I was changing, I raced back into the house and upstairs, feeling giddy with excitement and nerves.

I returned 10 minutes later, having switched my grubbies for a pink linen sun dress with a white cropped cardigan. I had thrown a bit of make up on my face, but my hair was impossible, so I settled for bundling it loosely and clipping it to the top of my head. I put on a bit of gloss, some perfume and a pair of sandals (no heels for me – they were a death sentence for the clumsy of this world) and went back out to the patio. I went down the stairs and around to Edward's yard, feeling incredibly embarrassed at suddenly arriving at someone's backyard party … via the backyard.

Thankfully, the first person I ran into – literally – was Edward who was walking around the fence to my side of the yard at the same time I entered his. He caught my shoulders to steady me after the collision, and my pulse went nuts. He was dressed in a white button down shirt and jeans, and the sight of him made my knees weak.

"Hi," I said, flustered. "Alice and Esme asked me to come over, and I didn't want to butt in, but they insisted and …" I stopped when Edward put his finger over my lips again.

"Stop apologizing for everything," he said softly. "I was just coming to drag you over here in case you had decided to stay home. I'd love for you to meet my family." He put his hand at the small of my back and gently propelled me over to the lounge chairs set up around his little yard.

"You've already met my mother Esme and my twin sister Alice," he said. They both waved enthusiastically at me. "And here is Alice's husband Jasper with your glass of wine." Jasper descended the steps and handed me my glass with a little wink. I blushed and smiled back at him. "And this is my father, Carlisle Cullen." Not too hard to tell where Edward gets his good looks from, I thought, shaking hands with his handsome blonde father. For a moment, I thought he looked familiar, but I couldn't place where I'd seen him before.

"And our younger brother, Emmett," Edward said with a smile. "Who, incidentally, has your daughter well looked after." Emmett – taller and much more muscular than Edward - squeezed through the kitchen door, Lily under one arm, Renee under the other, both girls shrieking with laughter.

"Come sit down, Bella," invited Esme. I sat down quietly, feeling paralyzingly shy. I hated being the center of attention at the best of times. And meeting Edward's family – all of whom seemed to know who I was – was definitely not the best of times. Only Edward dragging up a chair directly beside mine and smiling at me kept me from fleeing.

Emmett came down the stairs, still carrying the girls. He staggered a few steps with them, then fell dramatically to the grass. Renee and Lily climbed on top of him and started pounding on him with their little fists. Emmett rolled around and made convincing cries of pain.

"Our brother is an idiot," said Alice, joining us on the lawn, Jasper not far behind her. "You might have already noticed that. Edward and I think he's adopted."

"He most definitely was not adopted, believe me," scoffed Esme. "I was the one who had to carry him for nine months, kicking and punching the whole time. He was just as rambunctious inside as he is outside." Everyone laughed at that, and I saw Carlisle take Esme's hand as they traded a loving look. "I just wish he'd settle down and have some of his own children instead of beating up on everyone else's."

"How old is Renee?" asked Carlisle.

"She's five," I said. And from there, the conversation flowed. Edward's family was easy to talk to, easy to like … just like Edward. Eventually Emmett shook off his two attackers and fired up the barbeque, making a big show of grilling steaks and chicken for the whole family. The weather held, so we all ate outside on our laps, enjoying the warm summer evening.

The quiet was broken by the bang of my patio door being opened – from the inside. Everyone turned to look, expecting to see the girls tearing out of the house. Except they were on the grass in front of me. It was Rosalie who had come out of my house, her eyes frantic. She immediately looked down at all of us on the lawn, and heaved a huge sigh of relief when she saw me and Renee.

"There you are!" she exclaimed. "You scared me half to death. I've been calling and texting all afternoon, and you didn't pick up. I was afraid something had … happened. So I drove over and used the key you gave me …" I jumped up guiltily, realizing I'd left my cell phone in the house, something I rarely did.

"Rosie, I'm so sorry. I should have brought my phone. I didn't mean to worry you. Edward invited me over and I just lost track of time, we were having so much fun …" My voice trailed off when I realized Rose was no longer listening to me. Instead, she was looking at Emmett, who was leaning against the deck post, beer in hand. I'd never seen Rose look so disconcerted in all my life, and I wondered what the problem was.

"Uh Rose, this is Edward, my neighbor," I said, gesturing toward Edward. Rose's eyes left Emmett's, took in Edward, and suddenly her whole face broke into a huge smile. She ran down the stairs, came around the fence and into the yard.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Edward," she said with only a trace of teasing in her voice. I threw her a black look, but she was already gone, across the yard to Emmett. "And you are…?" Emmett looked a little dumbstruck at the sight of Rosalie. I was so used to Rose's beauty by now that I forgot what kind of an impact she could have on unsuspecting men.

"I'm Emmett Cullen," he said, rapidly coming out of his daze.

"And he's single," offered Alice impertinently from the deck. Everyone roared with laughter at this, except Emmett and Rose, who both blushed. _Rosalie blushing? Now I've seen it all_, I thought in disbelief.

I felt a slight nudge in my side, and turned to find Edward standing beside me. He leaned down and said softly "Did I forget to mention my family is very good at match-making?" I looked up to his green eyes, then let them fall again to his chest.

"No, you hadn't mentioned," I said softly back. "But I'm very glad that they are."

~~ - ~~

We all sat outside until it was full dark, citronella candles flickering to keep the mosquitoes away. Renee had fallen asleep in my arms an hour earlier, and I had carried her up to bed, leaving her bedroom window open wide in case she cried out in the night. Lily had been allowed to stay up late as a treat, but was now dozing in Emmett's lap. I noticed Emmett had one arm firmly wrapped around her sleeping body – the other hand was inconspicuously holding Rose's in the shadows of the lounge chair. But everyone knew anyway.

"OK," said Esme, rising. "Time to clean up, and get Lily to bed. No, no," she said, gesturing at me as I started to get up to help. "You kids just sit and enjoy. Carlisle and I will do the work." Of course, no one listened, and we all helped carry the dishes into the house. Edward took Lily upstairs to bed. Then Rose came up to me with a half-guilty, half defiant look on her face – I knew exactly what she was going to say.

"Listen, Bella, um … I'm going to take off and I'm …"

"… taking Emmett with you?" I finished for her, cocking one eyebrow. She flushed. "Do you LIKE him, Rosie?" I mocked gently. She punched me in the arm and laughed. I gave her a hug and whispered in her ear, "Go for it. You two go good together."

"Yeah, I think we do," she whispered back. "I was just so scared when I saw him tonight for the first time, and thought he was your Edward. Who is, by the way, totally hot, standing on the deck right now, looking at you and wanting to be alone with you," she finished, pulling away. She and Emmett vanished into the house, followed rapidly by Jasper and Alice. I was a little shocked to see Alice give me the thumbs-up sign as she closed the patio door behind her.

Edward walked down the stairs and stood beside me. He looked even more gorgeous in the flickering candle light – if that was even possible.

"Walk you home?" he asked teasingly, offering his arm. I slipped my arm through his and together we walked around the fence to my backyard. But he stopped me just beside the big spruce tree that shaded both our properties. Inside, I could hear the clatter of dishes and silverware being loaded into the dishwasher, the muted sounds of distant conversation. Edward turned me a little so we were facing each other in the semi-darkness.

"Do you realize we've never actually been alone together until this moment?" he asked.

"Yes, I know," I replied nervously. Of course I was aware of it. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my ribs, and my body had little tremors running through it. "It's an occupational hazard when you have small children."

"Then I wonder if … you would mind … most terribly …. if …." As each stuttering phrase came out, Edward put his hands on my waist, pulled me a little closer and leaned his face down to mine. My arms seemed to move up to his neck on their own. Our noses rubbed together and then, unable to endure the anticipation any more, I went up on my tiptoes to close the distance between our mouths.

Our lips brushed against each other a couple of times, then Edward pushed his mouth more firmly against mine. His lips were slightly parted. Unable to stop myself, I brushed the very tip of my tongue against his top lip. Both of us took a sharp breath at the new sensation. He tasted … wonderful. We deepened the kiss a little, and I could feel my body melting against his. I restrained the urge to shove my hips against his, to find the physical evidence of his arousal.

The kiss ended and we stood there, foreheads touching, both of us panting a little in the dark.

"Wow," he whispered.

"Uh huh," I gasped back. My body was screaming for more, begging me to take him by the hand and lead him upstairs to the bedroom. It had been way, way too long for me. But it was too soon, and I didn't want this to just be a one-night thing.

"Bella," he said nervously, pulling back to look me in the eye. "I'd like nothing more than to spend the rest of the night kissing you. Preferably in your bedroom." I could see him blush even in the dark when he said that. "But I really don't want to wreck things between us by moving too fast." For once, it was my turn to put my finger on his lips to stop him talking.

"I feel exactly the same way," I told him. "So let's just take this slow, and let it happen on its own. No rush … oh!" My voice broke sharply as Edward slowly ran his tongue up the side of my finger, the way I had wanted to do to him last week. Every muscle in my abdomen contracted with pleasure, and I could tell my underwear was getting damp. I wasn't going to be able to stop if he kept this up. Very reluctantly, I pulled my finger away from his mouth and took a step back from him.

"I had a wonderful time tonight," I said with a smile. "Thank you so much for inviting us. And I'll let you know when I get a full report from Rose tomorrow." We both laughed at that. Edward leaned over and gave me one more quick kiss on the cheek.

"Tomorrow then," he said, and he waited until he saw me safely inside the house with the door locked before returning to his own yard.


	7. Confessions

_**Here's the next chapter … big fat juicy lemon in the next one!**_

I awoke to rain, soft and steady, drumming on the window. I lay in bed listening to the sound, thinking about last night and about Edward. Especially about Edward. I sighed, and started my day.

Renee had swimming lessons on Sunday mornings, and afterwards, we ran errands – picking up groceries, visiting the library, dropping off dry cleaning. It wasn't until mid-afternoon that I realized I hadn't heard from Rose.

This gave me pause. I _always_ heard from Rose after she made a conquest. I was the lucky recipient of all the gory details, whether I wanted to hear them or not. But this time – nothing. Total radio silence. I checked my cell phone to make sure it was working. It was.

Shortly after dinner, I walked through the living room and saw a red car pulling into Edward's driveway. A tall, slim woman with strawberry blonde hair got out. Lily flew out of the house and flung herself into the woman's arms. _Lily's mother_, I thought. _Oh God, that's Edward's ex-wife_.

It was pretty depressing seeing who he used to be married to. She was beautiful. Tall. She looked successful. I turned away from the window, feeling short and unattractive.

When I got Renee settled down to sleep that night, I wandered around the house, restless and sad. I realized I was missing Edward … so I went down to the patio door and stepped out into the dark and rain. No one in the right mind should be out on a night like this, but I knew I'd feel closer to him here.

"I was going to give you another 10 minutes and then I was going to bang on your door," said a voice out of the darkness. Startled, I jumped and let out a little scream.

"Shit, Edward, I didn't think you'd be here," I gasped. He laughed out loud at my reaction, but when I looked at him I could see his smile was sad. I thought I knew why.

"It must be hard giving her back at the end of the week," I said. "I've never had to share, so the thought of only have Renee half the time is pretty foreign to me." Edward didn't say anything for a moment. "I'm sorry," I said instinctively. "We don't have to talk about this if it's none of my business." Edward shook his head and crooked his finger at me to come closer. He reached across the rail and took my hand, interlacing our fingers.

"First, you really need to learn to stop apologizing," he said. "And second, you are exactly right – it is very hard to give Lily up at the end of the week. I always feel down when she goes back to Tanya. All the life seems to go out of the house when she leaves.

"So I came out here, hoping that maybe you would join me, even in this lousy weather. Because you are the only person I really want to talk to right now." He looked down at our joined hands. "You know, you're very perceptive. Sometimes I feel like you can read my mind when we're together. You always seem to know what I'm thinking."

I didn't know what to say to that … so I just lifted our hands and held his against my cheek. We stood like that for a long time, as the rain poured down, savoring the strength of our connection.

Our moment was broken by a buzzing sound coming from my jeans pocket. I flipped open my cell and read Rose's text message:

_Think I'm in love. Call me asap._

"Oh," I said, torn between wanting to share this news with Edward and protecting Rose's privacy. I looked up at Edward, who had just produced a phone from his pocket and was staring at it in shock.

"I just got a text from Emmett," he said. "And … uh ….it seems that …" he trailed off, faced with the same dilemma I was.

"If it's similar to the one I just got from Rose," I said, "I think your family's match-making talents are in full force." Edward didn't answer; he just turned his phone around so I could read the message on the screen:

_I think I'm off the market, Eddie. _

"I'd better go call Rose before she calls me," I said. "See you tomorrow?"

"I hope so," he answered, reaching over the railing and pulling me to him. His kiss was so irresistible that I went back for more, and it wasn't until my phone started ringing that we finally broke away from each other.

"Hi Rose," I gasped into the phone.

"I didn't interrupt you having sex with Edward, did I?" she asked loudly enough that Edward could hear it beside me. Edward went into a fit of silent laughter while I blushed.

"No, Rose … I haven't had sex with ANY of the Cullens yet. I'm wondering if you could say the same?" Edward covered his ears and headed back into his house, as I braced myself for a blow-by-blow description of Rose's night with Edward's brother.

~~ - ~~

Two nights later, we were back on the deck, watching the last of the sunset vanish. Renee was asleep upstairs.

"Hey … listen," I said a bit nervously. "Tomorrow I'll be in your neck of the woods. At Seattle Children's Hospital." Edward looked up at me, concerned.

"Is everything OK with Renee?" he asked. I fiddled with my hair and took a deep breath.

"Yes, everything is OK with Renee. I take her every Wednesday to the hospital for speech therapy." I paused. "You must have realized by now that she …"

"… doesn't talk. Yes, I was aware of that," said Edward. "Actually, it was Lily who noticed it first." He reached over and took my hand, rubbing soothing circles on the back of it with his thumb. "May I ask … why she doesn't speak? Is it a physical problem?"

"No, Renee can and does speak … just very rarely and usually only to me or someone very close to her, like her therapist. She's what they call an 'elective mute' – someone who is physically able to speak but is unable to bring themselves to do so.

"There can be a number of different reasons for why someone becomes an elective mute. Autism is one of them, so is extreme shyness."

"Neither of which she appears to suffer from," Edward said with a smile.

"Yes, you noticed that, did you?" I chuckled. "In Renee's case, the doctors believe her unwillingness to speak is connected to … trauma." Edward's thumb stopped moving and he squeezed my hand a little harder. I looked up at him, saw his brow crinkled in concern.

"Trauma," he repeated.

"She was the one who found her father's body," I said softly. I swallowed hard, pushing the tears back like I always did. Edward turned toward me and put his hands just below my arm pits. Then in one motion, he picked me up off the deck and lifted me over the railing between us, bringing me down into his arms.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this alone. I wish somehow I could have known you, could have been there for you." He cradled me in his arms. I leaned into him, feeling his warmth and strength. For the first time in a long time, I felt like someone was protecting _me_, looking out for _me_. It was an odd feeling.

We stayed in each others' arms for a long time.

~~ - ~~

In addition to her regular speech therapy, Renee had a session with Dr. Snow, her psychiatrist, that morning. I took part in the speech therapy and was invited to observe her session with Dr. Snow, but declined. I spent 45 minutes drinking a latte instead. Even though Renee was only five, there was something about watching her sessions with Dr. Snow that seemed intrusive.

When I came back to Dr. Snow's office, Lynn waved me into her inner sanctum. "Renee's just helping Nancy tidy up the play room," she explained. "I wanted to take 10 minutes with you to review Renee's progress."

"Is everything OK?" I asked. Lynn smiled.

"You tell me" she said. "You already know what's written in her speech journal here." She tapped the notebook on her desk – it was a journal that I kept for Renee, documenting each instance of speech, the circumstances around it and her mood when it happened. The number of entries had been steadily growing in the last few months. "She's definitely starting to speak more frequently, and under new circumstances. This is a very positive sign.

"Renee also drew some pictures," said Dr. Snow, looking at me closely as she placed the artwork in front of me. Not unexpectedly, there was a drawing of our new house. "Congratulations on the house, by the way."

"Thanks," I said automatically, looking at the next drawing. It was a Renee stick figure playing soccer with a taller blonde stick figure – Lily Cullen.

"She's made friends with the girl next door. Lily. She's eight." I explained to Dr. Snow who nodded and then put a third picture on top of the pile. I caught my breath when I saw it and understood why Lynn had asked me in for a conversation today.

Again, the picture showed the Renee and Lily figures playing soccer. Standing behind them were figures representing me and Edward. The adult stick figures were holding hands.

"Oh my," I said. I looked up at Dr. Snow, coloring flooding my face. "But she's never even seen us holding hands before – honestly!"

"Holding hands with a man is hardly a criminal act, Bella," said Dr. Snow with a smile, "even in front of your daughter. And children always figure these things out faster than the parents expect. Can I take it you've started dating the man in this picture?" I sat there, not sure how to answer the question.

"I … I don't know … I guess so," I stammered. "I mean, he's my next-door neighbor, Lily's father. We've become … close … in the last few weeks, both of us being single parents. He's very sweet. He actually works here at the hospital – for the foundation. Edward Cullen?"

Lynn looked up at me in surprise. "One of Carlisle Cullen's boys?" she asked. I nodded, startled that she knew Edward's father. "Dr. Cullen used to be on pediatrics staff here – he's semi-retired and only does consults on select cases now," Lynn explained. "Actually, he's consulted on Renee's case in the past." This explained why the name was familiar … I had read Renee's file from top to bottom, dozens of times.

"I'm glad you're seeing someone, Bella. It's good for Renee to see you leading a more balanced life. It's time she learned that you can have other people in your life and still love her the same way you always have," said Dr. Snow. "You may see her reacting to your relationship with Edward. If anything happens that worries you, you can always call me. I know that you've got Renee's interests at heart, so I'm not too concerned. Just let her adapt to the changes at her own pace." I rose when Dr. Snow did and went out to collect Renee from Lynn's assistant.

After a double session, I usually took Renee to the hospital food court for lunch. Renee was digging happily into her chicken nuggets and fries when she looked up over my shoulder and pointed with a huge smile on her face.

I half turned around in the plastic cafeteria chair to see Edward standing there, smiling at Renee's reaction. I was suddenly glad that I had taken extra care getting dressed this morning, choosing a pair of white Capri pants and black and white halter that tied around my neck. Edward looked amazing in dress pants, white shirt and tie.

"Well, hello, Renee," he said, giving her a big hug and getting plum sauce in his bronze hair for his trouble. As I fumbled for a napkin to wipe it out, Edward leaned over and gave me a big hug too. "Hello, lovely," he whispered in my ear before pulling back. I wiped the sauce from his hair, aware that Renee was watching us very carefully.

"I didn't expect to see you here," I said a little breathlessly.

"Well, you said you'd be here until noon, so I figured this might be a good place to find you with a hungry five-year-old." Edward smiled at Renee. "Chicken nuggets and fries is Lily's favorite too."

"Join us?" I asked, but he shook his head.

"I'm on my way to a meeting, and took the long way around in case you were here. I just … wanted to see you," he said. We looked at each other for a moment, feeling shy. I realized that this was the first time we had seen each other outside of our own backyards.

"Why don't you come for dinner tonight then?" I asked on impulse. Edward's face brightened and he nodded. "Maybe around 6:30? Will you be home by then?"

"For you lovely ladies, I'll make sure I am," he said with a teasing smile. He tapped Renee on the end of her nose, eliciting a giggle. Then he gave my bare shoulder a squeeze, letting his fingers trail over my skin before he waved and headed off to his meeting. I shivered, and waved goodbye to him before turning back to Renee.

"Do you like Edward, Renee?" I asked. She nodded firmly. "I like him too." My daughter smiled widely, showing me a mouthful of food. "Ugh, gross," I said. "Close your mouth when you're eating, please." I might have a monster crush on my neighbor, but I was still mom.

~~ - ~~

I was just finishing tossing the salad when there was a tap at the patio door.

"Come in!" I called and Edward slid the door open. Renee pattered over to meet him. With a flourish, Edward handed her a little bouquet of the white roses from his deck. Renee accepted them, sniffed them daintily then batted her eyelashes at him. I rolled my eyes at her dramatics, but had to admit I was touched that Edward had been so thoughtful. "Let me get a vase for those," I said, but he caught me around the wrist and handed me a bouquet of flowers as well. Red roses, and beautiful ones at that.

"Better get two vases while you're at it," he said grinning. "Red, for the color of your face right now." I ducked under the counter to find a couple of vases – and hide my blush.

"I hope you're hungry," I said as I arranged the flowers. "I made pasta and salad. Renee, why don't you put your roses on the table as a centerpiece?" She took the little vase from me and placed it carefully in the middle of the table, then looked back at Edward with a smile. "Stop flirting and go wash your hands," I said, shooing her to the bathroom. I put the red roses on the breakfast bar, where they lit up the whole room.

Either Edward was awfully polite or awfully hungry because he had two helpings of everything and still had room for the strawberry cheesecake I'd made for dessert.

"I'm not much of a cook," he admitted. "And I had meetings right through lunch today, so I didn't eat. Everything tasted so good. I can't believe you make your own cheesecake!"

"It's easier than you'd think. Besides, if it doesn't turn out properly, that's why you have the strawberry sauce – it covers a multitude of sins," I said. He laughed and helped clear the table and load the dishwasher.

"I have to take Renee upstairs for her bath and bedtime," I said when we were done. "You're welcome to stay … maybe watch a little TV while I'm upstairs? There's red wine open on the counter, wine glasses are in that cupboard." I hoped he would stay – I was absolutely dying for some alone time with him. _You mean you're absolutely dying to get him naked_, said a voice in the back of my mind.

"Sure, take your time," Edward said as I herded Renee upstairs to the bathroom.

~~ - ~~

EPOV

I carried my glass of red wine through the empty dining room and down into the living room. Bella's house was a mirror image of mine, and she had a lot less furniture than I did. But everything she had seemed to fit together in a way that my belongings never did, creating a warm, homey atmosphere.

The biggest piece of furniture in the living room was a bookshelf crammed with books. There were dozens of classics – Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, a whole collection of Dickens novels. Most of them were dog-eared and worn, as a teacher's books should be.

On the other side of the room was a small stereo with a rack of CDs – everything from classical music to pop to jazz. Plus a lot of Baby Mozart titles.

Then I saw the pictures. There were about a dozen of them, arranged on top of an outcropping beside the couch. I went over and picked them up one by one.

Most were picture of Renee. Baby photos, the kind of pictures you might get at a Sears Portrait Studio. There was a cute picture of Renee standing on a dock with an older man – they were holding up a big fish. He must be Bella's father.

There was a picture of a younger Bella standing with her arm around a woman who looked like an older version of her, but with more make up. Bella's mom, Renee.

I picked up the next photo and looked it for a long time. There was Bella, holding baby Renee. Sitting beside Bella, with his long arm slung around her shoulder, was a tall, handsome man with copper skin and long black hair. He and Bella were looking at each other, love blazing in their expressions.

This had to be Jacob. Bella's former husband. Renee's father.

It suddenly occurred to me that Bella had never told me how Jacob had died.


	8. Explosions

I heard Bella's footsteps on the staircase, and I hastily put the picture down. "Out like a light," she said gloatingly and went into the kitchen. I heard her locking the back door and flipping off lights. A moment later, she appeared in the living room, a small glass of wine in hand. She turned to the stereo, slipped in a CD and a moment later, the room was filled with quiet jazz.

I stood there for a moment, drinking in the sight of her. She was so goddamn beautiful. Her dark hair, porcelain skin … and she was wearing some kind of black and white halter top that looked incredibly sexy. Her bare toes were painted pink. Our eyes met, and suddenly the sexual tension that had been building between us over the last few weeks became unbearable.

The last rational thought I had was that I'd better put my glass of wine down before I spilled it on Bella's living room floor. I managed to set it down beside the pictures before we lunged at each other.

I caught her around the waist and pulled her against me, my lips capturing hers. Her arms flew up around my neck, her fingers digging into my hair. Our mouths parted and in an instant, her warm, sweet tongue was stroking mine. I groaned into her mouth – she tasted so good. We clung together for what seemed like hours, exploring every inch of each other's mouths. It had been so long, I could barely remember the last time I'd been with a woman, but I knew it had been nothing like this. Nothing had ever been like Bella.

The realization that we had to sit down – or else fall down – came to us at the same time. Without a word, we took two or three shuffling steps backward, still devouring each other, until the backs of my legs hit the sofa. I slowly sat down, bringing her with me, her knees on either side of my thighs.

I pulled my lips away from her mouth and ran them down the long column of her throat. Then I worked my way back up, blowing lightly on her damp skin, making her tremble in my arms. I nibbled along her jaw line, looking for the sensitive places that would bring her the most pleasure. When I licked the hollow under her ear, she let out a moan that nearly blew my mind. I spent several minutes teasing that spot with my tongue and teeth until Bella pulled away, unable to endure any more torture.

"God, Edward," she gasped, burying her face in the crook of my neck. I could feel her heart pounding against my chest. I ran my hands up and down her back – I couldn't stop touching her.

"I want you so much, Bella," I panted, and it was true. I couldn't remember ever desiring a woman as much as I did her at this moment. She shifted her posture in my lap slightly, bringing her hot center directly down on top of my erection that was attempting to claw its way out of my jeans. "Oh my _God_," I moaned as she rolled her hips against mine. The sensation was outrageously good, and all I wanted was to rip her clothing off and bury myself between her legs. But then she was gone again, lifting herself up. I made a little sound at the loss of her heat right where I wanted it most.

"We have the whole night, Edward," she whispered. I caught her face between my hands, savoring her flushed cheeks, swollen lips and pupils fully dilated with lust. I knew my face must look the same way. I took a long breath, trying to slow down the fire that was raging through my body.

I pulled her down for another kiss. It was deep and passionate, setting every nerve in my body alight. I ran my fingers lightly across her bare shoulders and back, feeling goose bumps break out across her skin. Unable to stop myself, I gently tugged on the ties that held her halter around her neck. Bella leaned back and pulled the top over her head and tossed it somewhere behind us. Underneath she wore a black, strapless demi-bra which contrasted sharply against her alabaster skin.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," I whispered, running my fingers down her neck, over her collarbones, to the tops of her small, round breasts.

"So are you," she replied. Then I moved my fingers further down, to where the tips of her breasts peeked out of the lace on the edge of her bra. Her nipples instantly hardened under my touch, and I brushed lightly back and forth over them until she whimpered with pleasure.

My dick was screaming inside my jeans, and no amount of adjusting was going to solve my problem. I gestured for Bella to lift herself up. I reached down and yanked open my button fly, gasping a sigh of relief and closing my eyes for a moment. I opened my eyes just in time to see Bella's white pants fall to the floor beside us in a heap. Then she very slowly settled herself back down, right on top of me, with just my thin boxers and her lacy boy shorts separating us.

I reached back up and found her breasts again, running my thumbs around and around her pink nipples. She felt so good, so warm. Bella rocked her hot core against my straining erection, and both of us gasped with the sensation. I could feel her wetness soaking through her panties and my boxers, and I felt like I was going out of my mind with excitement. I started to rub my cock rhythmically up and down the soaking crotch of her panties.

I reached behind her and unhooked her bra. I took each of her firm nubs between my thumb and forefinger and rolled. Bella bit her lower lip and let out a stifled cry. I could feel the tension building in my abdomen, and all I could think of was how good her wetness felt rubbing against my aching penis. In the back of my mind, I knew I should slow down, make it last – otherwise, I was going to blow like a 15-year-old making it to third base in the back seat of his parent's car for the first time.

_Make it good for Bella, make it good for Bella,_ I chanted to myself. Without losing my rhythm, I pulled myself up and took one of her nipples into my mouth, continuing to tease the other one mercilessly with my hand. I sucked and nibbled on her warm flesh, listening to her cries getting more frantic with each passing second. Suddenly, Bella ground down hard on me and sucked in a desperate breath. Then her whole body tensed and she cried out "Edward … Oh _Jesus_!" as she orgasmed against me.

Watching Bella come on top of me like that was the hottest thing I'd ever seen, and with it, I completely lost control. My lower body convulsed, and I came violently in my pants, soaking my boxers.

The two of us sat there for a moment, gasping for breath. Finally we both looked at each other, the same look of sheepish embarrassment and lingering pleasure on our faces.

"That's never happened to me before," said Bella, blushing. "At least, never with this many clothes still on."

"Yeah, that was a first for me too," I admitted. I reached up and caressed her face. I thought my heart was going to explode when she closed her eyes and leaned her cheek into my hand. "So beautiful, so lovely," I whispered.

Then suddenly upstairs, Renee cried out, and the two of us froze. Our eyes flew open and for a moment, we looked like a couple of teenagers who had been caught fooling around by their parents. We both started to giggle. Bella slipped off me, scrambled across the floor and found her shirt.

"I'm going to check on her," she whispered, pulling it on. "You'd better clean yourself up. Just leave your underwear on the floor – I'll wash it tomorrow!" I snorted with restrained laughter as I got up and made an awkward dash for the bathroom to clean off.

A few minutes later, Bella came back downstairs in a long t-shirt and underwear that wasn't soaked with my spunk. I was lying on the couch in my jeans and shirt. My sticky boxers lay in a heap on the floor. I held out my arms, and Bella snuggled right down beside me.

"You are unbelievably sexy," she whispered against my mouth. I captured her lips in a long, gentle kiss.

"So are you," I murmured. She rested her head on my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt this content. I stroked her long hair and the two of us slowly drifted off to sleep.

~~ - ~~

BPOV

When I woke up the next morning, I was in bed. I vaguely remembered Edward carrying me upstairs in the middle of the night. I looked over to the other side of the bed, but it was empty. My heart sank for a moment, then I looked up to see two things lying on the pillow beside me.

The first was a rose … one of the red ones he'd given me last night. The second was a note:

_Bella,_

_Last night was perfect._

_I'm at an off-site conference for the next three days, so I won't see you until Saturday night. But I'll be thinking of you. _

_I love you._

_Edward_

Underneath was his cell phone number.

I fell back against the pillows, holding the note and the rose. _Have I died and gone to heaven?_ I wondered briefly. It had been so long since life had given me any kind of a break that I had a hard time believing this was real. But then I remembered last night, the way he had touched me with such love, the way his face had looked – contorted with pleasure – as he had exploded beneath me.

It was real. _Edward_ was real. And I was hopelessly in love with him.

I just hoped he would still love me after I told him what had happened to Jacob in the end.

_**Alas, Edward Cullen is only real in our imaginations. Next time, let's see if they can get as far as the bedroom (probably not). Or at least have sex-sex (that's more likely). We'll have more of Rose and Emmett's story in the next chapter.**_


	9. Enjoy

_**I had a tough time with this chapter. I really wanted Edward and Bella to have a serious conversation about Jacob … but no matter what I did, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. They're just at that stage of their relationship. Finally, I took Bella's own advice and let them enjoy. Plot advancement in the next chapter. Sweet lemony love in this one.**_

BPOV

The first thing I did when I got out of bed was run downstairs to hide the evidence of last night.

Both of our wineglasses were still there, untouched. I dumped those down the sink. I found my bra under the edge of the sofa. I picked that up along with my pants and Edward's now disgustingly crusty shorts (_Thank God I didn't have a son - imagine dealing with this on a regular basis!_ I thought suddenly), and ran everything down to the laundry room.

After dropping Renee at daycare, I got a text from Rosalie. She would be in the neighborhood for a potential job, and wanted to drop by. I hadn't seen her since the night she met Emmett, so I invited her for lunch.

I knew I wouldn't be good for any work that required concentration today, so I decided to clean house – and frankly, I wasn't even doing a great job at that. As soon as I started making the bed, I could smell his scent on the pillows and sheets. I flopped down and breathed in his luscious smell – a combination of cologne, soap and something distinctly masculine that was all Edward.

_Edward._

I sat up, giving my head a shake. I was acting like a teenager in love. Mind you, last night had had a distinctly adolescent feel to it … I blushed at how embarrassingly quickly I had climaxed. Admittedly, I hadn't been with a man since Jake, and the last time we'd had sex was more than three years ago. I had been more than ready. The only thing that had saved me from total humiliation had been the fact that Edward had been just as needy as I was. Just the thought of what we had done last night made me wet …

_OK, enough!_ I thought, getting up. _Any more of this and I'll be rolling around on the bed with my hand between my legs screaming Edward's name when Rose walks in here._ That horrible thought was more than enough to wipe out my arousal.

I was folding laundry in the kitchen when Rosalie arrived. Given her budding relationship with Emmett, I expected her to be glowing. Instead, she was on the verge of tears.

"What is it, honey?" I asked, taking her hand as she sat down. I looked at her woeful face. She had dark circles under her eyes, and her delicate skin was flushed. I could see at least three hickeys on her neck. She even had sex hair – in the middle of the day, right after coming from a client visit. Her expression told me she was upset. The rest of her was telling me she was getting an indecent amount of sex.

"Oh Bella," she cried, tears suddenly falling thick and fast, "I don't know what to do." She squeezed my hand tight, turning her blue eyes up to mine in despair. "I'm really in love with him. With Emmett. I don't think I've ever been in love in my entire life and I don't … know … what to …do!" Her voice trailed away into adorable hitching sobs, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to avoid laughing.

"What part of falling in love scares you so much, Rose?" I asked, patting her hand, and returning to my folding.

"I don't know," she said sadly, laying her cheek on the tabletop. "I'm used to having the upper hand in relationships with men. I feel … you know … vulnerable. It scares me. What if Emmett doesn't feel the same way I do?"

"Have you guys talked about how you feel?" Rose blushed. _That's the second time in a week I've seen her blush. Now I know this is serious._

"Well yes, we've talked about it. Emmett says … well, he says he feels the same way about me." Doubt crept over her face. "But how … how do I know he's not just saying that? Bella, I think he's The One," she said solemnly. "I wish there was some way of knowing for sure. How do you know it's really love and not some crazy crush?"

"You're asking me?" I said in amusement. "Me? I haven't dated since Jacob. And I wasn't much of a player before that. I'm the last person to give you advice."

"No, you're not. You're the best person," Rose said, suddenly earnest. "I was your maid of honor when you married Jacob. You were so … sure about him. You never doubted his love, not for a minute!"

"And we all know how well that worked out, don't we?" I said bitterly. "Rose, it comes down to love, trust and time. If you love Emmett and trust that he loves you, then you've got a great start. If the two of you are committed to each other, you'll build that love and trust over time. And even then, there are no guarantees. We both know how quickly time can run out." I stopped, feeling tears close to the surface. "Time is so precious … don't waste a minute of it second-guessing yourself. Just enjoy it … enjoy _him_."

I looked up at Rose, expecting her to be as weepy as I was. Instead, her eyes were fixed on the item of clothing I was folding. "Bella, why do you have a pair of men's boxer shorts in your laundry?" she asked.

If you can't laugh with your best girlfriend in these moments, who can you laugh with?

~~ - ~~

EPOV

_I am a 38-year-old professional and I will NOT have sexual fantasies about Bella during this lecture! _

It was late afternoon. The morning sessions had been excellent, and my workshop after lunch had gone smooth as silk. So why in the name of all that is holy did the conference organizers schedule the most boring doctor in the history of medicine to talk at this hour of the day?

After this, I was scheduled into a breakout session with a group of researchers from Asia doing ground-breaking work in neo-natal liver disease. Then it was right into cocktails. Then a formal dinner. Then a debrief with the team. It would be hours before I could escape to my hotel room to call Bella.

_Bella._

My concentration crumbled at the thought of her warm, fragrant body in my arms. Last night had been so fast, so intense. Now I wanted nothing more than to explore every inch of her sweet skin, and make love to her slowly … so slowly … make her come apart beneath me again and again. In my mind, I could see her back arching, hear her moaning my name in my ear …

I suddenly slammed my conference guide down over my lap, where my erection was steadily pitching a tent in my pants. My boss, who was sitting beside me, looked over at me in surprise. It was the third time I had done it during this lecture, and I think she was starting to suspect.

"You OK?" she mouthed at me. I nodded furiously, praying for her to look away. She turned back to the speaker, but not before giving me an odd look. _Terrific, now my boss thinks I'm a lunatic._

The lecture came to a slow, painful end, and I stood up, cautiously removing the conference guide from my traitorous crotch. All clear. I shot off to my breakout session at inhuman speed, determined to make it through today without causing my career further damage.

~~ - ~~

I might have set a new land speed record driving home from the conference on Saturday evening. It had taken me well over two hours to drive there on Thursday; it took me less than 90 minutes to get home. God bless Volvo, I thought as I pulled into my driveway.

It had been hot and sticky all day, and the house felt stale. I dropped my bags at the top of the stairs and had my tie halfway off when I stepped out on to the back deck. It was silent – no Bella leaning against the railing with a smile. I was so sure she would be here. Anticipation leaked away, replaced by disappointment. Then I heard a crackling sound from Bella's side of the deck, and I glanced over the railing.

Bella was curled up in a deck chair, asleep. Her cell phone was clutched to her chest. The crackling came from a small speaker on the table beside her – she had gotten out Renee's old baby monitor so she could wait out here for me and still hear if her daughter stirred.

I looked at her for a long moment. This was my Bella – resourceful, vigilant, loving.

Smiling, I pulled out my phone and sent her a text.

~~ - ~~

BPOV

The vibration of my cell phone woke me from my doze. I snatched it up and read Edward's message:

_Look up, lovely._

Startled, I looked up from the phone. Edward was standing in front of me. He was home.

"Oh!" I cried in delight. I stood, dropping my phone and nearly knocking over the patio table, and flung my arms around his neck. He felt good, smelled even better and … unable to stop myself from crushing my lips against his skin … tasted fantastic. Like he had done once before, Edward lifted me up over the railing between our decks. I nestled into his arms and sighed happily.

"I missed you," I murmured, stretching up high to give him a kiss. It was a warm, sweet welcome home kiss that banished the loneliness of his short absence.

"Missed you too," he said, stroking my cheek. "I just drove up not five minutes ago. I haven't even changed … I wanted to see you first." He buried his face in my hair, inhaling deeply.

"Why don't you go have a quick shower, get yourself comfortable?" I suggested. "Then you can tell me all about your conference."

"Uh uh," Edward said, dipping his head down to my neck, "anything but that bloody conference. The last two lectures nearly killed me," he admitted, trailing kisses along my jaw. "All I could think about was you … and how much I wanted to be with you." My body started to react as his tongue stroked the hollow below my ear. "Kissing you." Desperate to touch him, I started pulling his shirt out of his pants, running my hands up his back. "Oh God," Edward groaned, "I promised myself I wouldn't attack you as soon as I got home, but I can't stop."

"I know," I said. "I promised myself the same thing." I brought my face back to his and kissed him. "But then I remembered what I told Rose this morning…" Edward looked at me curiously. "She was angsting about your brother … worrying about how you know when it's really love and not just hormones or infatuation or some other transitory thing."

"And what did you tell her?" he asked.

"I told her to stop worrying and just enjoy him." I tightened my arms and pulled him closer. "And that's what I want to do with you right now. May I enjoy you for a little while?" I whispered. Edward's green eyes widened and he nodded. We kissed each other again, but Edward pulled away too soon.

"Stay right here. Don't go anywhere, OK? I'll be right back." He flew inside. In a few minutes, he returned. He had discarded his tie somewhere in the house, and had a lighter and a couple of blankets in hand. Then he went down the stairs and dug in the storage space under the deck, returning with the cushions from his patio loungers. He put them on the deck and tucked a blanket around them. Then he lit the candles on the far railing.

"I thought we could … enjoy one another … under the stars," he said. Realization hit me. _We were going to make love … outside. _My face reddened, and I dropped my eyes. Edward tipped my face up to his. "Are you shy, lovely?" he asked. I nodded, biting my lower lip. "Don't worry, David's out of town on business, and I haven't seen Mike and Sheila in their backyard in the last two years," he said, referring to the neighbors closest to us. "No one else is close enough to see anything." His lips moved to my ear. "Unless you're worried not about being _seen_ but rather being _heard_." I could feel my cheeks burst into flames. "Ooooh, does my Bella have a hard time staying quiet when she's excited?" Edward whispered teasingly. "I can't wait to find out."

With that, he caught me under the knees and gently lowered me to our makeshift bed. He lay down beside me and leaned over me, his lips hovering just above mine. I tried to claim them, but he kept his hands firmly on my shoulders, holding me in place. His warm breath fanned across my face as his lips drifted up, placing little kisses along my hairline. They brushed over my eyelids and across my cheeks, and a tiny moan escaped from my throat as he kissed his way to the edge of my lips. I tried to turn my mouth to meet his, but he pulled away.

"Ah ah, Bella," he whispered. "Patience, lovely. Tonight we're going to go very slowly." I whimpered at this, but did my best to hold still as his mouth returned to just above mine. He held my face carefully in his hands, and swept the tip of his tongue first over my upper lip, then my lower lip, applying enough pressure to part them. Then his lips descended over mine for a scorching kiss.

I reached up and pulled him closer to me, his long, lean body molding to mine. His sweet, slow kisses made my head swim with desire, and I knew my underwear was already soaked through.

I let my fingers drift up to his shirt collar, started undoing the buttons and pushing the fabric back. My eyes feasted on him. He was beautifully toned, with sculpted shoulders and a flat stomach. Starting at his collarbone, I explored his upper body with my fingers. He let out a gasp when I brushed his nipples, so I leaned over and gave one of them a lick, making him bite his lips with pleasure. I let my hands slide down his warm skin to his hips, running my nose through the bronze hair that lightly covered his chest, down past his ribs, over his stomach to his belly button. I tickled his sides a little, and he writhed, grabbing my wrists.

"Don't you dare," he panted, "unless you want the whole neighborhood to come out to see what the shrieking is about." He held my wrists above my head with one hand, and reached down with the other to jerk off my t-shirt. Then he made short work of my bra. I blushed as I realized I was sitting topless on my neighbor's deck, where anyone who happened by could see me. Edward gently pushed me back down to the cushions, and let his chest cover mine. Both of us gasped at the sensation of our warm skin pressing together.

"You feel so good," he breathed, kissing down my neck to my shoulder. He pulled back and cupped my breasts, trailing his fingers down the sides and underneath, touching everywhere except my nipples. My points grew painfully hard, aching for his touch.

"Edward, please," I moaned, and he dipped his head down, and captured one nipple in his mouth, sucking it hungrily. I cried out – loudly – at the sensation, and I could feel Edward's lips turn up in a smile against my skin. I bit my lip, stifling my cries as he nipped at my tender flesh.

All too soon, his mouth left my breasts and started gliding down my bare stomach. He reached the waist of my jeans and undid them, gently pulling them off my legs. I lay on the deck, trapped by his burning gaze, in nothing but a pair of lacy underwear. Edward got to his knees, undid his own pants and yanked them off. I could see his erection pushing at his boxer shorts, and my arousal was so overwhelming that I was unable to stop myself from rubbing my thighs together.

"Ah ah," he murmured, putting his hand on my thighs. "No cheating, lovely." I flushed scarlet as I realized the implications of what he'd said. But in the next moment, all coherent thought flew out of my head as he stripped off my last piece of clothing, leaving me naked. "So beautiful," he said in wonder. My breath was coming in gasps, and I was afraid I was going to come just lying there watching his face as his eyes roamed over my body.

Very slowly, Edward put his hands on my thighs and spread them apart. His fingers stroked up the soft skin of my inner thighs, which were already slick with the moisture that was spilling out of my core. He ran his fingers through my wetness, and then raised them to his mouth and very deliberately licked them off.

"Nnnnhhh," I moaned incoherently, my fingers clutching at the blanket beneath me. "Edward, I need you inside me … _right now_."

"Not yet, lovely," he purred, and I gritted my teeth in desperation. "I think first … I'd like to see just how wet you are for me." And with the sexiest smile I'd ever seen, he lowered his face between my thighs and licked my sex from top to bottom.

I screamed. I couldn't help it. It wasn't a really loud scream, but it happened nonetheless. I reached down and grabbed his bronze hair, arching my soaking wet core into his face. Edward shoved my hips back down to the deck, wrapped his lips around my clit and started sucking relentlessly. In a matter of seconds, my whole body tensed and I came wildly in his face, shrieking his name. He rode out my orgasm, licking me until I begged him to stop.

I just lay there, gasping for breath, not caring if the whole neighborhood was calling 911 at this moment. Edward's head popped up from between my legs, his face soaking wet, a huge grin plastered across it.

"Was that good?" he asked innocently. I smacked him on the back of the head, legs still trembling in the warm night air. He kissed his way back up my body, wrapping his arms around me. I kissed him, tasting my own juices.

"That was unbelievable," I said. "But I still want you …" I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "… to fuck me right now." Edward's green eyes popped wide open and glazed over with lust. I reached down and pulled the waistband of his boxers carefully over his erection. I used my feet to push his shorts off his legs, and then I pushed him back up on to his knees so that I could look at him. I caught my breath at his perfection.

Edward reached back, grabbed his pants and removed a foil packet from the pocket.

"I want you to be safe," he said. "And as much as I love you, I don't think we're quite ready for another baby." I nodded, relieved. I hadn't been on birth control for years, and I was glad he had come prepared. He ripped open the condom and rolled it on to himself. Then he lowered himself between my thighs. I reached down and guided him to me.

"Be gentle," I said, trepidation in my voice. "It's been a long time for me."

"I will, Bella," he promised, and slowly started to slide into me. I was soaking wet – the kind of wet you only get when you've been wanting someone badly for days. My body stretched to accommodate him, and I consciously tried to relax against his fullness. Then he was inside me, all the way, filling me up.

"OK?" he gasped. I nodded against his cheek, and he started thrusting. My eyes rolled back in my head as the familiar sensations began. He felt so good, and I wanted more. I pushed my hips up to meet his next thrust, and the friction made me cry out with pleasure. I picked up the pace, hungry for more.

"Oh God, not too fast," Edward begged, stilling my hips. "I don't want to come too soon, and it feels so good." He pushed his forehead against mine, and we settled into a slow, gentle rhythm. We fit together perfectly, every inch of him touching me, loving me.

We both wanted this to last forever, but he was just too good at what he was doing. With every thrust, his length was rubbing against my sweet spot inside, and his body was causing unbearable friction from the outside. I could feel myself getting closer and closer to orgasm. No matter what I did, what I thought about – my father, counting backward from 100, reciting US Presidents - the fire kept rising. Edward was inside me and all around me, and I was going to come, and I couldn't stop.

"Edward," I moaned, "Edward, I going … I'm going to …" My breath started catching, and I could feel the heat spreading up from where we were joined through my entire body. My walls fluttered and slammed down around his cock. I threw my legs around his hips and ground myself against him as wave after wave of pleasure overtook me. Feeling the scream building in my throat, I bit down on his shoulder and wailed against him.

"Oh God, oh God, oh, oh … Bella!" Edward's strokes became uneven and he suddenly buried himself up to the hilt in me as he exploded. He shuddered violently, and we clung to each other. Then he turned his head and started searching for my lips. I met him halfway, and we kissed for a long moment.

I shivered as a gust of cool wind blew across us, and Edward dragged another blanket down and wrapped us up in it. He slid gently out of me, and tossed the condom off the edge of the deck.

"Remind me to pick that up later. I'm not quite ready to explain that to Lily when she comes home tomorrow," he said, snuggling back up against me. We kissed each other lazily, reveling in the afterglow of spectacular sex.

"Edward?"

"Mmmmm?"

"I love you."

"Love you too, Bella."

And then the skies opened up.


	10. The Horrible Ending

_**Finally, we find out what happened to Jacob. Very sad, very dark and all too prevalent in our society. But don't worry … this is fiction, and a happy ending lurks in the coming chapters. Plus, they're not done making lemonade quite yet…**_

BPOV

It started to rain – _hard_. Within seconds, it was coming down in sheets. I hadn't spent most of my life in Washington to misinterpret the fury that was about to descend on us. Neither had Edward.

The two of scrambled up. Edward threw the blanket around my body, picked me up and flung me over the railing toward my house. The wind suddenly blasted toward us, and the deck was instantly soaked. I grabbed the baby monitor, spent several agonizing seconds groping for my cell phone, then slithered to the door. I only fell once along the way, which was pretty good for me.

"I'll be over in a couple of minutes!" Edward bellowed. I could barely see him through the rain.

Wrenching open the door, I slid into the kitchen. A torrent of rain followed me in. Leaving the door unlatched so Edward could get into the house, I raced upstairs to my bedroom, tripping on the blanket the whole way.

I tossed the dripping blanket into the bathtub and looked at myself in the mirror. _I have sex hair_, I realized. _Wet, messy sex hair._ I grinned.

After checking to make sure the storm wasn't disturbing Renee, I came back downstairs in an oversized baseball t-shirt and Edward's clean boxer shorts. I had just finished drying off my cell phone when Edward skidded into the kitchen. He slid about 10 feet on the wet kitchen tile in his bare feet, fetching up against the counter. If I had tried that, I would have gone right through the far wall. In one hand, he clutched my wet clothes. In the other, he had something that looked like wet plastic.

"Garbage?" he asked, holding up the used condom he'd thrown on to his lawn. I wrinkled my nose and took it out of his hand with a paper towel. He was drenched, probably from hunting around for the condom in the sheeting rain. The two of us cracked up.

"I'll get you a towel," I said, snorting with laughter. I brushed by him and he grabbed me, pulling me against his wet body. I squealed and twisted away. When I returned, he was still dripping in my kitchen. Edward held still while I dried him off, starting with his hair and working down to his feet. Some parts of him were damper than others and required a lot of slow, tender rubbing. He had a raging hard-on by the time I was done.

"Dear me," I said, looking at the bulge in his shorts. "Where did that come from?" I put my hand down and slowly palmed his erection, feeling it grow under my hand. I spent two or three minutes rubbing him, listening to his breathing get more ragged. Then I pushed him against the counter and knelt, dragging his shorts down to his ankles. He threw his head back and let out a gasp when I wrapped my hand around the base of his penis and slid him into my mouth. His fingers dug into my hair as I got acquainted with his cock.

He was just the right size – not enormous, but a complete mouthful. I let the tip of his cock rub against the roof of my mouth a couple of times, causing him to moan wildly. My tongue slipped along the underside of his shaft as I sucked. _My man_, I thought, delirious with happiness. _Mine_.

I gently squeezed his balls and felt him twitch in response. I spent several long minutes stroking and sucking until I could feel him teetering on the edge of release. Then I pulled him out of my mouth, teasing him with my tongue until he growled in frustration.

"Please Bella," he whispered urgently.

"Please Bella what?" I whispered back, stroking him slowly. He groaned but didn't answer. I squeezed him slowly, up and down, making his fingernails scrabble against the countertop. "Was there something you wanted me to do for you, Edward?"

"Please … let me … come in your mouth," he gasped, and I could see him blushing. I wrapped my lips around him again and sucked voraciously until he exploded, filling my mouth with his sweet saltiness. I swallowed and licked him clean. Then I looked up from between his legs with an innocent expression on my face.

"Holy shit," he croaked. "Don't ever tell me where you learned to do that. Just promise me you'll do it to me a lot."

~~ - ~~

Edward sat down on the couch, and I nestled between his legs, leaning back against him. He put his arms around me and held me to his chest. It was very late, and we were both tired – but neither of us wanted the night to end.

"I'm going to have a housewarming party in a couple of weeks," I said, tipping my head back and looking at him. "Rose is coming, and she'll probably bring Emmett. I thought maybe I would invite Alice and Jasper too."

"That would be nice," said Edward. "They like you a lot. My whole family likes you."

"I like them too," I said. "Did you know that Carlisle did a couple of consults on Renee's case last year? I thought I recognized him when I met him."

"Yes, he mentioned it to me – meeting Renee at the party jogged his memory. I don't think my dad will ever really retire," Edward said with a smile. "He loves his work so much."

"Didn't anyone in your family want to become a doctor like him?" I asked, snuggling against his chest.

"Nope. I tried – I was pre-med for a while, but I wasn't happy. I did it because my dad wanted so bad for me to become a doctor. I knew I wanted to work in some aspect of the medical field, but it wasn't until I did some volunteer work at the Foundation that I realized where I wanted to be."

"Did your dad freak out when you told him?" I wondered.

"No. I think he knew deep down that my heart wasn't in it. He was just happy that I was happy." There was a long silence. "My ex-wife, however, wasn't as understanding."

"You were married in college?" I asked, amazed. He shifted beneath me, pulling me closer.

"No, we weren't married at that point, but we were dating. Tanya genuinely thought I was going through a phase – that I would get the philanthropic work out of my system and eventually return to my studies." He paused, and his brow crinkled. "Lily came along a year after we were married, and I started making noise about becoming a full-time dad. Tanya asked when I was finally going to become a doctor." He chuckled humorlessly. "She wasn't pleased with my answer."

I intertwined our fingers. "How bad was it, at the end?" I asked.

"Not as bad as you'd think. We're both reasonable people. It just took us a while to realize we had different goals in life. That's not to say there weren't some spectacular fights," he said with a rueful grin "Tanya has temper, but she's a good mom. She always has Lily's best interests at heart. I trust her and have a ton of respect for her. Plus she's done really well for herself – she's an MBA and one of the top consultants in the city."

"But poor Carlisle didn't get one doctor in the lot of you," I concluded.

Edward laughed. "The closest anyone in our family came to being a doctor was Alice – she married one. Jasper's a shrink, you know. Now my dad goes around telling people that Lily is going to be doctor." I thought about Jasper – it made sense that he was a therapist. He had soothing presence.

"So…" Edward said after a few minutes of drowsy quiet. "What about you and Jacob? How did you meet?

"Oh," I said. "Jake and I were best friends growing up. We knew each other from the cradle. In fact," I said, blushing a little, "Jake was my first. When we were 16."

"You married your high school sweetheart?" Edward asked, with an amused smile on his face. But the smile vanished when he saw the look on my face. "What? What did I say?"

"Nothing," I said, turning so he could see me. "But it's an awful story, me and Jake. And you already know it doesn't have a happy ending." I bit my lip. "It's very late. Are you sure you want to hear it tonight?"

"I do," Edward said. "You can tell me anything."

"I know you mean that," I said, "but this story is very difficult. I want you to stop me if it upsets you too much."

~~ - ~~

EPOV

"_I know you mean that," Bella said, "but this story is very difficult. I want you to stop me if it upsets you too much."_

I was taken aback by her gravity. She really meant it. _How bad could it be?_ Goose bumps broke out across my arms. "Please tell me what happened to Jake," I said.

And so Bella told me.

"Jake and I were inseparable as kids. We got into all kinds of trouble together," she said. "My dad and Jake's dad, Billy, were best friends too." A faint shadow crossed her face. "As we got a little older, I started to feel … differently about him." A private smile crossed her face, and I felt a little pang of jealousy. "Charlie noticed that it was taking me longer to get ready when I went to hang out with Jake. He teased me about that.

"We fell in love as easily as we'd done everything else. The year we were going together, the year I was 16, was one of the best of my life." She sighed. "But then stuff started to change. Jake made some new friends, older guys from the reservation. He changed … he was moodier, more volatile. Billy and Charlie said it was just adolescence. But to me, it felt like something else was changing him, something darker.

"Jake started hanging with his new friends more, and we drifted apart. It broke my heart to lose him. Eventually I moved to Seattle to go to college, and we lost touch. I heard through Charlie that Jacob had finished high school and then pissed away a year or two. Just hung at his father's place, doing drugs. Then he moved away from Forks, and I didn't hear anything for a long time.

"I moved on. Dated some nice boys in college." Bella winked at me. "Had a couple of flings with some bad boys too." I rolled my eyes and made a face. "I had fun, fell in love a few times. But I had no desire to settle down with any of them.

"After I graduated and got my first teaching job in Seattle, Jake looked me up in the city. I could tell right away that things were better with him. He was calmer, happier. Like my old Jacob. He was working at a shop restoring classic motorcycles, and he loved his job. On our first date in Seattle, he took me for a ride on a classic Harley Davidson softtail." We both smiled at that.

"We moved into together a few months later, and were married just after we turned 28. We were so crazy in love with each other, and I was the happiest woman in the world. When I got pregnant with Renee when I was 30, I was over the moon."

I closed my eyes and imagined Bella pregnant, her belly round and full. She would be a woman who glowed during pregnancy.

"When I look back, I realize that the warning signs had been there all along … I was just too caught up in my own happiness to notice. Like Jake's lessening interest in sex – I thought it was because we were trying for a baby, that the lack of spontaneity was bugging him. He got sent home from work one day to 'rethink his attitude.' That was a shock - he loved his job, and had never mentioned any problems.

"Then my mom got sick, and all my attention was on her. Then Renee came just after mom died, and you know what that's like … it takes over your whole world, in a good way. Jake was ecstatic when she was born, and he was the most attentive dad. Everything seemed so good." Bella's breath hitched, and I realized that this is where the unhappy ending started. I rubbed her shoulders, putting all my love into that action.

"Things started to change … just like back in high school. Jake got moodier. After the baby came, our sex life never got back off the ground. He wasn't interested anymore. Jake wasn't comfortable leaving Renee with a babysitter, so we never had any alone time, never went out. He stopped returning his friends' calls. He didn't stop me from going out, but he didn't make it easy either. We became more and more isolated.

"Billy died when Renee was two, and that sent Jake into tailspin. He'd already lost his mom as a kid. When I saw that he wasn't coping, I dragged him to the doctor to get help. That's when everything started coming out." I watched Bella's face harden, and suddenly she looked much older than her years.

"Jake hadn't had a fit of adolescent rebellion back in Forks. He had been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. The drugs, the moodiness, his inability to focus … it was all part of his illness. Billy had tried everything to get him into treatment – even arranged a traditional native healing ceremony with the elders. Jake refused everything. It wasn't until after he left home that he finally got the treatment he needed. When he showed up at my place in Seattle, he was on medication and coping well for the first time in years. But after we got married, he figured he didn't need the meds anymore …"

Bella's voice became like steel. "He went back on the meds, but it didn't work as well as last time. The doctor in Seattle didn't have the same experience working with Native Americans as the doc in Forks did. He tried switching Jake to something newer, more potent. And then everything fell apart.

"Within a few weeks, I didn't recognize my husband. His moods became wildly unpredictable. He would scream at me, at Renee. He had terrible anxiety attacks. I was sure it was the new meds, and I begged the doctor to take him off. But the doc thought Jake could manage through…

"A month later, Jake was out of control. He flew into a rage at the littlest thing. Then he would sob for hours in remorse. Renee …" Bella broke off, and I could see a tear sliding down her cheek. I wiped it away, feeling sick for her. "Renee and Jake had been so close, and now she was afraid of him. It made Jake hate himself even more. He stopped going to work – he got some kind of medical leave. I think they just wanted him out of the shop.

"The crazy thing is that most people had no idea what was going on. Our neighbors, my friends … no one knew. I didn't know who to turn to. It was months before I could even tell Rose what was going on. How do you tell people that your husband is going insane?"

My stomach was starting to roll. This _was_ difficult to hear.

"One day, Jake refused to get out of bed. He wouldn't go to the doctor. He wouldn't eat or bathe. He just lay in bed, shaking. I stayed home from work, holding him, begging him to go the ER. Hours went by, but he wouldn't budge.

"By nightfall, I told him I was calling an ambulance. That set off his temper. I was so glad Renee was asleep, that she didn't hear the things he said." Bella's voice was steady, but tears were pouring down her face. "He said I was an ungrateful bitch. That _I_ had caused his illness. That _I_ had made him crazy with all my nagging and whining. I lay there and took it – because I thought I deserved it."

I gasped, and my hands tightened on her shoulders. Bella flinched, and I instantly released her, feeling sick.

"Bella … surely you know that you were not the cause of Jacob's illness?" I asked. There was a long pause.

"Yes, I know that. It was the illness talking, not my husband," she replied. "I knew it then and I know it now. But it's different when you're living it, experiencing it. The madness takes over. There was nothing rational about what happened that night." Bella sat up, and picked up the picture of her, Jake and Renee from the table beside us. She stroked it with a trembling hand.

"When he finished his tirade, I didn't say anything. I just dragged myself to the spare bedroom. I took Renee in with me and locked the door because … I wasn't sure we were safe anymore. I lay awake all night, curled up around her. By the time the sun came up, I knew two things. That I had to leave Jake. And that I would protect Renee, no matter what the cost, even my life.

"When I got up, everything was quiet. Jake was asleep in our bed. He seemed peaceful for the first time in a long time. I went into the bathroom … while I was in there, Renee got out of bed and went into our bedroom. She wasn't even three then." Bella let out a harsh sigh. The nausea was getting worse, and I wanted her to stop talking. I didn't want to know what happened next.

"Renee climbed into bed with Jake. Even with all that had happened, she loved him still. I started down the hallway to the bedroom. Then the screams began. I didn't see it happen – I'm guessing she pulled back the covers to see his face. Or maybe just to get in with him for a cuddle."

_No, stop! I don't want to hear it!_ I had to bite my tongue to keep the words in. My stomach was churning horribly.

"Jake was dead," said Bella woodenly. "He had taken pills … there were so many in the house by now that he had his choice. With vodka. The coroner said afterwards that the pills didn't kill though. He strangled on his own vomit. That's how my beautiful baby found her daddy. In our bed with a vodka bottle and a bunch of empty pill containers. His mouth full of puke. His face was all black."

I lurched up and shot across the living room. I made it to the bathroom just before I threw up. I hunched over the toilet for a few minutes, shaking. Then I rinsed my mouth and came back. Bella was still sitting there, staring at the picture. She had stopped crying; her face was blank.

"I told you it was difficult to hear," she said without expression. "You should have asked me to stop."

"Bella," I whispered, kneeling down in front of her. I took her hand. Her cold fingers slowly closed around mine. "Bella, love, I'm so sorry." It was such a stupid, inadequate phrase in the face of her pain.

"I know," she said. I felt a tear escape from my eye and run down my face. She wiped it away gently. She continued in a small voice. "There was a coroner's inquest because Jake had died at home. I had to call Charlie and tell him. I was grateful beyond words that Billy had died the previous year. I don't know how I could have told him.

"My work and Jake's did everything they could to help us, bless them. Rose was a godsend. Once the coroner released the body, we took Jake home to Forks and buried him on the reservation. Most people never knew that Jake committed suicide – they thought it was some kind of accident. We never went back to the apartment again – Charlie and Rose packed our stuff and moved us into a new place.

"It was clear early on that Renee was … damaged … by what she had seen. She screamed herself hoarse after they took the body away. After that she spoke less and less until finally she stopped altogether. It's taken more than two years to get her to the point she's at now. Her therapist thinks she's still blocking a lot of it out. Of course, she was very young when it happened …" Bella's voice trailed off, and I remained kneeling at her feet.

I realized now that this is where I belonged … kneeling before her. Her strength, her courage … she was a goddess to me at this moment. _How had she survived this?_

Bella put the picture down on the table and leaned forward. She took my face tenderly between her cold hands. I was not prepared for what she told me next.

"Edward," she said, "I think you should go home now. Get some sleep. And spend some time thinking about whether you want to continue this relationship with me."

I gaped at her uncomprehendingly. "Continue … what, do you think I'm going to _leave _you? I love you … more than words can say … how …" She put a finger over my lips to stop my babbling.

"I know you love me. But I am a profoundly scarred individual. I've spent days, weeks, in therapy and will walk the rest of my days on earth with baggage that no one should ever have to carry. What's more, I'm a package deal – I come with a daughter who has suffered a trauma so deep that it has rendered her unable to speak." She withdrew her finger from my lips.

"Sometimes love is not enough, Edward. There are those who believe love can conquer everything. They are wrong. My love for Jacob was boundless, and yet I could not save him. In the end, death won, and love was not enough. You need to think about this objectively, and consider whether you want to have a woman and child in your life who have been deeply and permanently emotionally maimed."

I forced myself to speak through numb lips. "Love was enough," I insisted. "Not enough to save Jacob, but enough for you to save Renee. Your daughter lives because you loved her so much that you didn't allow yourself to give up."

Bella's frozen face softened a bit. Then she cocked her head slightly, as if she had heard a noise that was beyond my hearing.

"Perhaps you are right, my love" she whispered to me. Then she raised her voice, startling me. "Renee, darling, I'm downstairs. Edward is with me. It's OK, baby, come down." We stood together. There on the stairs stood Renee, holding a battered teddy bear. Her face was flushed with sleep.

Renee came downstairs and went straight to Bella, hugging her legs. She was barely awake. Bella picked her up, and we walked together to the foot of the staircase.

"I'll take her upstairs. It's …" she looked over at the nearest clock, "… 3 a.m. and you need to get some sleep." Bella turned to the sleepy child in her arms. "Do you have a goodnight kiss for Edward, Renee?"

Renee turned her beautiful face to me, yawned and stretched over to me. Her lips touched my cheek in a chaste five-year-old kiss. I kissed her back just as lightly, then turned to her mother. I let Bella take the lead, not sure if she wanted me to do anything in front of Renee that might suggest we were more than just … neighbors.

"I love you, Edward," said Bella. She leaned forward and kissed me softly on the mouth.

"I love you too, Bella." She turned and carried Renee upstairs. I watched until she disappeared, and then let myself out the back door.


	11. Endless

EPOV

This was the longest night of my life.

I sat on the edge of my bed in the dark, my head in my hands. Bella had told me to get some sleep. And to think long and hard about whether I wanted to continue to be part of her life. I would have no problem fulfilling her second request. But sleep wasn't coming tonight, no matter how exhausted my body might be.

I couldn't stop thinking about her if I tried. The way she had looked, curled up in the chair when I'd arrived home last night. The velvety warmth of her body as I slid deep inside her for the first time. What it felt like to hear her say that she loved me. And the frightening dead look on her face when she told me how her husband took his own life.

It was ironic that Bella had asked me to think about whether I wanted to have the so-called burden of Renee and her in my life. The real challenge facing me tonight was how on earth I could consider myself worthy of being in _her_ life.

From the moment I had first laid on eyes on Bella, I had known she was exceptional. Not just in her beauty, which appealed to me far more than the obvious good looks of Rosalie. Bella's beauty was much more subtle – it lived in the fire of her eyes when she protected her child, in the loving care she lavished on the people and things that mattered to her, in the intense strength of her character.

She was a living jewel. Instead of crumbling to dust when placed under unimaginable pressure, she had turned into something rare and precious. And Renee … exquisitely beautiful Renee … who had endured something that would destroy most adults, yet who brought joy to every person who met her.

I was having a hard time seeing what I – Edward Cullen – brought to the table.

I had had a shockingly normal upbringing in an uncomplicated nuclear family. What was the worst thing my family had had to endure? My father's disappointment that none of his children had become a doctor? My mother's lamenting that she had only one grandchild? What exactly was it about my all-American storybook upbringing that led me to believe that I could understand even a fraction of Bella and Renee's pain?

I got up and stared unseeingly out the bedroom window. And I found myself thinking, oddly enough, of Tanya.

Everything I had told Bella about the breakdown of my marriage had been true – but obviously, I hadn't gotten into the minute details. Tanya hadn't minced words on her way out the door. There was much she had found … lacking … about me and my character.

"_Edward, you've had your fun … you've had three years at the Foundation, losing yourself in grant applications and doling out cash that isn't yours. But it's time to get back into the real world! Why are you burying yourself in some second-rate job that anyone with a bachelor's degree and half a brain could do?" she shouted in frustration. _

"_Because I love what I do … I love research, I love academia. I love kids! I go to bed every night knowing that my work is making a difference in the lives of researchers, doctors and children. How is that a bad thing?"_

"_It's not a bad thing … it's a MEDIOCRE thing. You're Carlisle Cullen's oldest son – finish your medical degree and you could have your pick of placements! You'd be making four, five times what you make now, plus you'd have your father's reputation to launch your career from."_

"_But Tanya, we don't lack for anything here," I cried, throwing my arms open to our lovely home. "We have everything we need, including the most beautiful baby daughter in the world. What more could we ask for – except more children? And more time to spend with them and each other? If I went back to medical school now, I wouldn't see Lily for the next five or six years. Damn it, Tanya, I want MORE time with our daughter, not less. Maybe even take some time off work, be a full time dad for a while." _

"_Where's your ambition?" she shrieked. I glared at her, afraid she'd wake Lily. "Of course this house is fine. But we could have so much more … you could BE so much more." Her pretty face was filled with frustration as she tried to make me understand. "It's not the money, Edward. I don't want for material things – that's not why I married you. Between my salary and yours, we have more than enough. I'm just baffled by the fact that you're so easily satisfied with what you are. Where's your drive, your fire to get out there and grab the world by the scruff of the neck?" _

"_I guess I consider being a devoted husband, loving father and compassionate businessperson to be more important than scruff grabbing," I said evenly. _

"_Devotion, love and compassion are wonderful things, Edward. But they aren't talents. You can't build a career on them. And they sure as hell don't pay the bills." _

I thought that back to that long-ago fight, the day our marriage had truly ended. To this day, Tanya never knew how much she had hurt me that night. Not because she had left me – but because she was _right_. She had my number. All she had done during that argument was sketch a humiliatingly accurate portrayal of Edward Cullen's character.

What was worse was that I couldn't change. I didn't _want_ to change – I was ludicrously happy just the way I was. But it still stung, all these years later, that I had fallen so short of the mark for her.

But tonight, something had changed within me. Like my whole world had heaved up in a seismic shift, then settled back down into exactly the same place – yet somehow everything fit together better. The minute cracks and flaws vanished, and the insecurities that had dogged me since that night ... were gone.

"_Suffice to say, I've had enough of doctors in my life,"_ I heard her say in my mind.

Devotion, love, compassion. Perhaps they didn't qualify me to be the CEO of a big company or even to be a doctor like my father. But maybe they uniquely qualified me to be something else … something so meaningful that it took my breath away.

"_You've only known her for four weeks!"_ a voice inside me cried out faintly. But I already knew I could not do without her. Without _them_.

Maybe it would be best if someone in this picture was unscarred. If just one of us had enjoyed a life without trauma, a life filled with uncomplicated love and happiness. The kind of life I could offer now to Bella and Renee. If they'd have me.

~~ - ~~

BPOV

I stood in front of my bedroom window, watching the sun rise dimly behind a screen of clouds and mist. It was nearly 7:30 a.m. and I hadn't slept at all.

I had told the story of what had happened to Jacob many times before – to police officers, the coroner, countless doctors, other trauma survivors in intensive group therapy sessions.

I had never told it in its entirety to anyone who was not either a professional or a survivor before … until tonight. Rose, Charlie, the Quileute elders, Jacob's remaining relatives – they had all heard a much less raw version of my husband's deterioration and suicide. With Edward, I held nothing back.

I had had to tell him everything. He had to know what he was getting himself into. Whatever choice Edward made, he had to know every painful scrap of the truth before he made it.

_God help me, what if he doesn't come back?_

The thought hurt so badly I nearly cried out. Edward had only been in my life for a few short weeks, but the thought of losing him was unbearable.

We had been alone for so long, Renee and me. And then suddenly, this man – this extraordinary, loving man who radiated strength and decency – had stepped into our little world. If it were just my heart on the line, I would risk anything, everything, for him.

But it wasn't just my heart.

"Mommy," her voice cooed behind me, and I felt her arms wrap around the back of my thighs. Renee was up.

"Good morning," I said, turning to pick her up. She was getting longer, heavier. But she would always be my baby. I rubbed my cheek against hers and nuzzled her hair. "Let's have some breakfast. Remember, it's Sunday and that means swimming."

~~ - ~~

I went through the day in a sleep-deprived haze, watching Renee swim, running our usual errands. Renee had a play date in the afternoon with one of her little friends … whose mother eventually gave up trying to get anything coherent out of me.

"Rough night, honey?" she asked after I had zoned out on her for the third time in 10 minutes. I nodded wearily, and she made an understanding noise. She was a mom too.

It was nearly 4 p.m. when we arrived home. My heart sank when I saw the empty driveway beside mine. Edward wasn't home. No messages. Nothing. I dragged myself inside, made a cup of tea and went upstairs. Renee was playing Webkinz on my laptop while I dozed fitfully on the bed beside her, my mind swirling with horrible thoughts. I turned my face away from hers so she wouldn't see when the tears started to fall.

My cell phone buzzed.

I reached for the phone, fear and hope battling in my heart. I turned it over. Edward.

_Could you come down to the back door, please? I need to talk to you. Renee too._

I felt sick. So formal, so polite. None of his usual teasing. _This is bad, this is bad_, my mind chanted.

"Renee, we need to go downstairs. Edward wants to see us." A smile popped out on her face and she jumped off the bed. I followed her, not bothering to look in the mirror. I already knew I looked like hell after a sleepless night and an hour of weeping.

Edward was waiting for us as we stepped through the back door. I resisted the urge to throw myself into his arms.

He looked as worn as I felt. His fair skin was grey in the late afternoon light, and there were purple circles under his eyes. It seemed that Edward hadn't slept last night either. But his expression was soft and loving as his eyes swept over my face, taking in my tired face and red-rimmed eyes.

"There was something I wanted to give you both," Edward said, picking up Renee and setting her on the railing so that she was closer to his level. He kept one hand securely on her back to keep her from falling. My heart swelled painfully at the sight of him cradling and protecting my child.

"Renee, I want you to have this," he said, dangling something metallic in front of her. It was a key on a pink keychain. Renee took it and looked up at him. "This is for you. It's a key to my house." He bent down, looking her in the eye. "I think your mom is just about the most special person in the world. And I feel the same way about you. If you ever need help, you can come to me, OK?" She nodded and clutched the key in her hand. "I'll always be here for you, sweet pea." She reached up and hugged him hard around the neck. He picked her up and swung her back down to the deck.

The tears were already spilling over when he turned to me. Edward took my hand and put a matching keychain into my palm, closing my fingers around it.

"Hold on to it tight, lovely," he said softly, tears welling up in his own eyes. "As tight as I'm going to hold on to both of you. For the rest of our days, I hope." My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. In a flash, I was in his arms, sobbing silently into his shirt. His strong arms cradling me to his body, his voice at my ear whispering reassurance.

"I hope those are tears of joy," Edward said with a crooked smile when I finally got hold of myself. I nodded, unable to speak. My eyes darted around for Renee, but she was squatting beside her garden, checking on her little bean plants. "I love you, Isabella. So much. I don't know how this has happened so fast – I just know that it has, and it's real."

"I love you too, Edward." I looked up at his beautiful face as the words tumbled out of my mouth. "I haven't needed anyone in my life for so long … but I need you so much. You make me complete," I whispered. "You make _us_ complete."

Edward tried to speak, but no words came out. Instead, he took my face in his hands and kissed me. Then he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. A moment later, I felt hands pushing at my legs. We looked down; Renee was inserting herself between us. At first, I thought she was jealous. But once she got between us, she wrapped her arms around our legs, like she was pulling the three of us closer together.

~~ - ~~

EPOV

We were sitting on the front steps when Tanya's car pulled into the driveway. I glanced at my watch, but I hardly needed to. Come what may, she was always punctual.

Bella was sitting on her side of the wrought iron railing, a respectable distance between us. Renee bolted when she saw Lily, who was spilling out of the back seat with a pile of soccer equipment, Barbies and litter.

"Renee, check out the Camp Rock DVD I got! We can watch it at my house. I know all the songs, I'll teach you them, come on!" The two raced up the stairs and vanished into the house, Lily tossing a fast "Hi Bella, hi Daddy, missed you!" over her shoulder as she flew by.

Tanya came up the walk carrying Renee's things, her eyes on Bella. "You must be the new neighbor I've heard so much about. Lily is quite taken with your daughter, I must say," she said.

"It's nice to meet you, Tanya," said Bella, rising and offering her hand. "Lily is a wonderful playmate for Renee. We love having her around."

"Yes, well, you might not say that six months from now when you can't get her out of your place," replied Tanya, turning to look at me. "Hello Edward. You look like shit."

"Thanks," I said wryly. "Nice to see you too." I turned to Bella, but she was already halfway up the stairs to her own front door.

"Go get Lily settled in," she said, opening her door. "I'll come over and get Renee in half an hour or so. It'll be her bedtime soon." And then she was gone.

Tanya and I went into the house. She dropped Lily's things in their usual spot, then looked upstairs to ensure the girls were out of earshot. She looked back at me and grinned.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, you're in love. I never thought I'd live to see the day." I blushed hotly, feeling like a total idiot for being called out by my ex-wife.

"That obvious, huh?" There was no point in denying it – Tanya could spot a lie instantly. Still, it was embarrassing that my feelings was so transparent to her, even after all these years.

"Don't be embarrassed," Tanya said, chuckling. "It wasn't just you. She couldn't keep her eyes off you. And the fact that both of you look like you didn't get a wink of sleep last night didn't help your case." I laughed a bit at that – if only she knew – and pushed my hands through my hair. I thought our little heart-to-heart was finished, but when I looked back at Tanya, there seemed to be more.

"What?" I asked her.

"I want you to know that I'm happy for you," she said, her words coming out in a rush, like she was now the one who was embarrassed. "And … I guess I'm surprised to discover that I'm a bit jealous." My mouth dropped open with a little pop at _that_ admission. "I had forgotten how … compelling … your devotion can be. And you are very clearly devoted to her." There was a terribly awkward silence between us. Finally, we looked at each other.

"OK, that was really weird, wasn't it?" said Tanya. "Moving on …" We laughed and headed upstairs to figure out the rest of the week, just like always.

~~ - ~~

The sun had barely finished setting when we met on the back deck to say goodnight. Both of us were dead on our feet, desperate for sleep now that the girls were in bed.

"You're going to give yourself a hernia doing this," Bella grumbled as I lifted her over the railing. "We should just remove the railing and have done."

"Maybe we could knock the wall down between our houses, too," I said, pulling her against me. We stood there for a while, leaning into each other. I was so tired, but the thought of letting her get away from me right now was ... unpleasant.

"I wish you could sleep in my arms tonight," I whispered. Bella stifled a giggle.

"We wouldn't get any sleep," she replied.

"Yes, we would," I protested. "We're exhausted. We'll be asleep before our heads hit the pillow." I suddenly started to warm to the idea. "You could get Renee right now … bring her over, slip her into bed with Lily. Then we could sleep together all night."

Bella didn't say anything, and I thought maybe I had won her over. Then she shifted – ever so slightly – in my arms. Her hips settled against mine, pressing softly. She made a tiny noise in her throat, and I felt her warm breath against my ear. Her back arched minutely, pressing her breasts a little closer to me.

I instantly started to harden against her thigh. Bella pressed her face against my neck and I felt her smile on my skin.

"OK," I grumbled. "You proved your point."

"And I didn't even do anything," she said, laughing into my ear. "Imagine what it would be like half naked lying in a warm bed together." She shivered against me, and I slid my hands down, tracing her breasts. Her nipples were already hard, pushing against the fabric of her shirt. I wasn't the only having control issues, clearly. I teased her with my fingers and felt her hips jump against mine. She moaned, and my hard-on throbbed inside my jeans. I wanted her right now, against the brick wall of my house, no matter how tired I felt.

A few houses down, someone opened their door and strolled out, lighting a cigarette. Very reluctantly, we pulled away from one another. A little. I couldn't bear to let her out of my arms completely.

"Time for bed," Bella whispered, her fingers tracing my face.

"Mmmm-hmmm," I murmured, brushing my mouth against hers. Neither of us moved, our lips moving against each other in sweet, longing kisses. After a long while, we broke apart.

"This is bad," chuckled Bella. "We really are like a couple of teenagers." She leaned in for one last kiss that lasted far longer than either of us intended. It ended when we both started to laugh. "I'm going to sleep – in my own bed – in my own house – _now_." Bella hopped up over the railing herself and landed on the other side with only a slight stumble. She stopped at the door and looked at me, her heart in her eyes.

"I'm so glad you came back," she whispered, and slipped in the door.

_**AN: Sorry this took a while … It took a while to get Edward's character to a place where I wanted it in this chapter. He's an overachiever in the books, but I've always been captivated by Edward's admission that he is "that boy" – the romantic who is willing to put it all on the line for the one he loves. Putting that into an all-human context and bearing in mind he's in his late 30s (which, believe me, is a very different place than 17), this is how it played out. Feel free to let me know your thoughts … **_

_**All done? Not quite … there are still a few more chapters in the story. And at least one more lemon. R&R,I love to hear your ideas and suggestions. **_


	12. Sex and the Single Parent

_**A/N: I had some fun with Edward and Bella in this chapter … although any single parent who has tried to negotiate a new relationship with kids on both sides knows how true some (some!) of this is. Enjoy!**_

EPOV

It was an exceptional week.

It started Monday with a call at work from Alice. I had called her earlier, inviting her and Jasper to Bella's housewarming, scheduled for the weekend after next.

"No can do, Edward," chirped Alice. "That's the third weekend in August, and we're going to the east coast. Everyone knows psychiatrists take vacation in August. Haven't you ever seen a Woody Allen movie?"

"Damn, I forgot that you'd be gone then," I said.

"Ask her to move it to this Saturday," she suggested casually. My mouth dropped open.

"Are you crazy, Alice? She can't reschedule everything a week earlier to suit your plans! Don't you think that's a bit selfish?" Alice giggled.

"Mmm. Good point. I am being inconsiderate," she said. I relaxed – I loved my twin sister but sometimes I wasn't entirely sure she had both oars in the water. "OK, I'll call her and help her move everything."

"_What?_" I hissed.

"It's all right," she trilled. "Don't thank me – it's my pleasure to do something for Bella. I was trying to think of a good way to welcome her to the family, and this is perfect. Bye!" The phone rattled down in my ear. I gaped at the receiver for a moment, then dialed Alice's number. It went straight to voicemail. I tried Bella's phone next – same result. I banged my head quietly against my desk. I sent Bella a text, begging her not to give into my sister's insane requests. An hour later, my phone rang.

"Tell me you didn't just get off the phone with Alice," I said.

"Um," said Bella uncertainly.

"OK, it's fine that you talked to my sister. Just tell me that you didn't move the party to accommodate Jasper's schedule.

"Um," she said, even more faintly. I groaned. "But Edward, she was so … helpful. And nice. And very hard to say no to. In fact, I don't even think she asked. It just happened."

"Alice just happens," I said, admitting defeat. Some fights you can't win.

~~ - ~~

For the rest of the day, I felt sick every time I thought of Bella enduring Alice's ministrations. I called in the afternoon to make sure she hadn't run for the hills yet. She laughed and told me not to worry.

"Your sister is wonderful. And I can handle her. Although I'm not really sure how you two managed to spend nine months together in the same womb and come out so different."

I picked up Lily at soccer camp and drove home. It was pouring rain, which meant Lily and Renee couldn't play outside. Disappointing - I had been looking forward to my time with Bella, even under the watchful eyes of our daughters. To fight off the gloom, Lily and I made a bowl of popcorn and watched a movie together.

"So Dad," Lily ventured as we watched Troy and Gabriella dance across the screen, "is Bella your girlfriend now?"

First Alice and now my daughter. This had been a brutal day.

"Yes, that's true. Bella and I are thinking we'd like to date one another. How do you feel about that?" I didn't think Lily would object, but I found myself sweating while I waited for her response.

"That's cool," she said, munching popcorn. "I kinda figured you would. And Mom said it would be good for you to get out more." _Thanks a lot, Tanya! _"Do you guys kiss and stuff?" she asked.

"Well, uh, yeah, we kiss each other," I replied, my face turning red in the darkness. "That's what grown-ups do when they … you know … like each other and are dating."

"That's gross," she said, turning back to the movie. "Can I have another orange juice?"

"No, you've had enough juice for one night. Have water if you're still thirsty."

~~ - ~~

The rain was still sheeting down when I went out on the back deck. Bella wasn't there, so I texted her. She appeared a moment later wearing yoga pants and a camisole top. She looked good enough to eat, and I wanted to. Repeatedly.

"Hi lovely," I said, greeting her with a kiss. "Did you survive Alice today?"

"Yes," Bella replied. "And guess what? I'm having a housewarming party this Saturday!" I groaned, pissed that Alice had done this. "Don't worry," she said. "The date works fine for most of the people who were going to come, and Alice has been incredibly helpful in getting things organized."

"I know. But she can be so bossy – I don't want her pushing you around. Or turning it into an 'Alice Cullen-Whitlock production'," I grumbled, making air quotes.

"I wouldn't worry about that," replied Bella. "Your sister can't out-stubborn me. I've navigated the medical system for years, remember? I'm very good at advocating for myself."

"I'm sure you are," I said, kissing her again. I ran my finger down her neck and over her collarbone. She shivered, and I could see her nipples peak. My cock leaped to attention. We hadn't been together for two days, but it felt more like two weeks. I was aching for her, and I was pretty sure she felt the same way.

"Edward," she said, as I pulled her closer, getting ready to lift her over the rail. "Darling, I can't tonight." I stopped, dismay on my face. "Renee came home with a fever. I'm sure it's nothing, but she's sleeping restlessly. I need to … stay focused on her." Her disappointment was clear. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," I said, stroking her hair. "I know what it's like. Lily used to bring home every bug imaginable when she was in daycare."

"I know," she said, nestling as close as she could with a wooden rail between us. "But I miss you." She kissed my neck. "And I want you," she whispered throatily.

"Me too," I murmured, burying my hands in her hair and inhaling her sweet scent. She smelled like strawberries and something floral. "But I understand." I caught her chin and lifted her face up for a kiss. Both of us were hungry for each other and I couldn't stop nipping at her full lips as her tongue explored my mouth eagerly. When we finally broke apart, both of us were breathing heavily with desire.

"I have to go," said Bella, turning to the door. "I love you, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sleep well, lovely," I replied. I leaned against the railing for a few minutes, willing my dick to subside. Eventually it went down to half mast, and I went back inside.

~~ - ~~

Three hours later, I was still wide awake in bed. I glared at the tent I was pitching under the covers. I had tried reading, counting sheep, thinking about work … nothing was working. I was horny as hell.

Sighing, I felt around on the night stand for a box of tissues. There was no way I was going to sleep until I … took care of my problem. My hand hit my cell phone, knocking it to the floor. As I bent over to get it, it buzzed. It was Bella, texting me.

_Are you up?_

"Like you don't know," I mumbled at the phone. _Yes_, I wrote.

_Call me_, she replied. When she answered, her voice sounded warm and very sexy.

"Having trouble getting to sleep?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied. "You?"

"Yeah," she replied. "I miss you … I wish you were here right now." The sound of her voice, so needy, made my problem worse. _I wonder if she's as horny as I am_. An image of Bella naked in bed, her fingers moving between her thighs, flitted through my mind, and I let out an involuntary moan. "Are you OK, Edward?" Bella asked.

"I'm fine," I said, gritting my teeth. "I'm just …" I trailed off, feeling like a pervert.

"You're just what?" she asked. _Bloody hell_.

"I'm just really … horny." There was silence on the phone, and I mentally cursed myself. As much as I was sexually conservative – something Emmett teased me a lot about – Bella seemed even less experienced. She probably thought I was a freak now. "I'm sorry, Bella – I shouldn't have said that. Are you pissed at me?"

"No," she said, "but now I'm even more turned on than I was before." I let out my breath, not realizing I had been holding it. "Edward … I've, um, never done … you know … on the phone…."

"Is that what they're calling it these days?" I asked teasingly "_'You know'_?" I took a deep breath and went for it. "Well, I've never done 'you know' on the phone before either. Maybe we could … talk each other through it?"

"OK," she said breathlessly, sounding shy and excited at the same time. "But I have too many clothes on for 'you know'. Let me take some off." The thought of Bella stripping made my dick jump, and I yanked down my boxers and pushed up my t-shirt. "That's better," she said. "Now I'm all naked for you."

"Oh God, Bella," I groaned, wrapping my hand around my cock and starting to stroke. "I wish you were naked and spread out on the bed in front of me. Would you like that?"

"Uh huh," she answered, her voice unsteady. "I would … love that. If you touched me, you'd find out just how badly I want you."

"Are you wet for me, lovely?" I asked, running my fist slowly up and down my shaft.

"Dripping," she gasped. "I'm like that all the time now … always ready for you. I dream about you at night and … uhhhh … come in my sleep." I twitched violently at that thought, imagining her softly crying out my name as she slept.

"What do you dream about, Bella?" I wiped the moisture from the tip of my dick and spread it down my length, moving very slowly. I had been painfully aroused all evening, and I was so ready to come. But I was determined to get Bella to her release before mine. From the sounds of her breathing, it wasn't going to take very long.

"I dream … that you fuck me … hard." Her moans were driving me crazy. "That you tear my underwear off and shove yourself into me without any … foreplay." Her voice shook. "That you're … rough … with me … but it feels … so good. Because I've been … aching for you all day, and I'm … so ready for you." Her moans were near continuous now, and it was taking all my control not to let go. "Nnnnnn … Edward … I'm …"

"Come for me, lovely," I growled into the phone, my cock jerking in my fist like a wild thing. "Come right now on your fingers, just for me." She drew in a gasping breath. There was a pause and then I could hear her stifled cry of ecstasy as she climaxed. Unable to endure anymore, I rubbed myself hard. My orgasm, held back for so long, tore through my body. I convulsed so strongly that my bed slid a few inches back, banging the headboard against the bedroom wall.

I lay there panting, coming down from my high, when I heard Bella giggling.

"What?" I asked.

"Was that you – that bang on the wall?"

"Um … I think so. Our bedrooms share the retaining wall between our two houses. But I don't think I caused any structural damage." We laughed sleepily together in the dark and said our goodnights. The last thing I remember was wiping up the mess on my stomach, then I was out like a light.

~~ - ~~

BPOV

The alarm went off at the usual time. It took me a few seconds to realize I was naked in bed. Then I remembered what Edward and I had done last night, and I flushed with pleasure. God, the sound of his _voice_ when he talked dirty – it was beyond arousing.

Just thinking about him made my body ache with desire – and it wasn't even 6 a.m. But last night had taken the edge off. I should be able to last at least another 24 hours without having sex with Edward. _Man, do I have it bad for him._

I threw on a shirt and went to check on Renee. She was still a bit warm, so I decided to keep her home with me. I took a long shower; by the time I got out, Renee had come into my bed and was waiting for me.

"Hi," I said, brushing her hair away from her face. "How about you and me have a girls' day together?"

~~ - ~~

Three hours later, I was sitting at the kitchen table, running through the menu I was planning for the housewarming on Saturday. Alice was sitting across from me with a doleful look in her eyes. I had yet to figure out what Alice did for a living, but it certainly didn't seem to require regular office hours. Rosalie was sitting on the floor, braiding Renee's hair into an intricate design.

"No Alice, I do not require staff to circulate with hot and cold appetizers," I said, using my best teacher's voice. "Nor do I need a DJ or a string quartet. Or a martini bar."

"But Edward loves martinis," said Alice.

"Then Emmett can make him one," I replied firmly.

"Isn't there even one thing you'll let me do? Just one little tiny thing to make your party even more wonderful?" She looked like she might burst into tears. I was not fooled.

"Tell you what, Alice," I said, "I love your idea of tenting the back yard – that way we can use that space even if it rains. I would accept that with pleasure as a gift from you." Alice looked up with a gleam in her eye, sensing weakness.

"We could tent Edward's yard too … then we'd have double the space, lots of room for, say, a grill station with …" I shot her a black look and she subsided into silence. Rosalie and Renee laughed.

"Alice in trouble," Renee suddenly chortled. Alice's mouth fell open in shock at hearing my daughter's voice for the first time. Rose and I both laughed in delight.

"Yes, Alice in trouble," said Rose, giving her a big hug.

"That's Auntie Alice to you, kiddo," Alice grumbled. But I could tell she was thrilled that Renee had spoken in her presence.

~~ - ~~

I made it a little longer than 24 hours … closer to 36, actually … before my desire to rip Edward's clothes off became nearly intolerable. It was Wednesday at noon, and I was meeting him for lunch. It was our first "date" out, and I was nervous.

He was waiting for me when I stepped into the hospital atrium. My knees went weak when I saw him … Edward was devastatingly handsome in his immaculate dress pants, white button down and tie. I was glad that I had dressed up – well, by my standards anyway - in a blue blouse and white skirt.

"Hi lovely," he said, catching me up in his arms. He kissed me lightly – this was, after all, his place of employment. Necking with your girlfriend at work was probably discouraged. "You look beautiful. That color is especially pretty on you." I blushed pink at the compliment, and he leaned closer. "So is that one," he whispered, nuzzling my ear. The blush went straight south between my legs.

We walked a few blocks to an Italian restaurant Edward went to regularly. The hostess, at Edward's request, gave us a secluded table where we could have some privacy – clearly I wasn't the only one here charmed by him. Even the owner – a dapper Italian man by the name of Vincent - dropped by our table to chat. Lunch looked fantastic. The only thing that looked more appetizing was Edward. Watching him eat was torture on my senses.

"Is the food not good?" he finally asked with a worried frown. "I can ask them to bring you something different if you'd like." He gestured to my nearly full plate.

"No … no, the food is delicious, honestly," I said, blushing yet again. "I'm just not that hungry." There was a long pause as Edward looked at me quizzically. I took a deep breath and bit my lip. His gaze flickered down to my mouth, darkened, and then wandered back up to my eyes. "Maybe just dessert?" I managed breathlessly.

"What would you like?" he asked, his voice suddenly rough with emotion. Under the tablecloth, I kicked off my shoe and ran my bare foot up the inside of his leg, along his thigh and pressed it into his crotch. He was hard as a rock, and I could feel his length twitching as my foot rubbed slowly against him.

"You," I whispered. "I want to eat you for dessert. Every inch of you."

We stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Edward's hand snapped up into the air as he said two of the most beautiful words I'd ever heard.

"Check, please."

Edward paid the bill, took me by the arm and propelled me to the back of the restaurant to a set of stairs. The second level was deserted; it contained a bar and a private room obviously designed for parties. It was completely dark and silent.

I put my hand up to his chest and pushed him backward several steps until his back hit the wall. Then I undid his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers as I slipped to my knees.

I didn't care if anyone walked in on us at this point. All I cared about was getting him into my mouth. He was already completely hard, and the tip of his cock was dripping with anticipation. I licked the end of penis then swallowed him into my mouth.

Edward let out a strangled noise, pushed his hands into my hair and held on tight. I put my hand around the bottom of his cock and moved my mouth and hand together up and down his shaft. I set a merciless pace, sucking him hungrily. The thrill of pleasuring him in public where anyone could stumble upon us was wildly exciting for both of us. I let my teeth drag lightly over him, and he cried aloud with the sensation.

After a few minutes, I could feel his whole body start to shake as he tried to hold back his orgasm. I grinned wickedly around his shaft. I shifted my mouth and hummed deep in my throat, letting the vibrations flow through my lips and tongue.

"_Fuck_, Bella!" he cried out, grabbing my hair. A second later he erupted in my mouth, his body shuddering with the intensity of his orgasm. He stood there, gasping for a breath, then leaned down to get his pants back up and on. I stood up. A second later, I was off the ground. Edward picked me up and practically threw me across the nearest table. Before I had time to ask what the hell he was doing, he pushed my legs apart, tore off my underwear and plunged his face into my dripping center.

He licked every inch of me, devouring me like he was starving. I could hear him groaning with pleasure as he discovered how wet I already was. He took my clit between my lips and started sucking, stopping only from time to time to rub his rough tongue across it. The friction was unbelievably good.

His hands wrapped around my hips and he pulled me closer, still suckling away at my bundle of nerves. I ground helplessly against him, feeling my orgasm building. He paused, pressed his lips against my clit and did the exact same thing to me as I'd done – he hummed against me, sending me flying over the edge. I came instantly into his mouth, biting on my hand to hold back the screams.

I lay panting, skirt up around my waist, flung out across a table with his face between my thighs. A moment later, I pushed myself up on my elbows. Edward leaned back and kissed the inside of my thigh.

"How was your dessert?" he asked with a smile. I grinned back at him.

"Delicious," I said.

~~ - ~~

EPOV

I got back to work later than usual from lunch, slipping Vincent a very large tip on the way out of the restaurant. He didn't ask what it was for, but one look at Bella's flushed face, sparkling eyes and wrinkled skirt was enough for him. He palmed the bill, smiled and said he hoped to see me again soon with my beautiful young lady. Bella blushed; Vincent kissed his fingertips and praised her beauty in voluble Italian. I knew for a fact that Vincent was third-generation American from upstate New York and hadn't set foot in Italy his whole life, but he had to keep up appearances. And while I knew he suspected we'd been up to some hanky-panky in his restaurant, I hope he didn't have security cameras in his private dining room.

No one had noticed my absence, and my afternoon schedule was remarkably meeting-free. Bella rang and invited Lily and me to dinner. _What's for dessert?_ I wanted to ask.

Lily was happy to eat at Bella's (_Her food is better than yours, Dad_), and Renee had shaken off her fever. Bella put the two of them to work making a craft on the long table that had suddenly appeared in her dining room.

"Alice didn't buy that for you, did she?" I asked, suddenly suspicious. Bella's laughter pealed from the kitchen.

"No silly, I don't accept gifts of furniture. Rose brought it over earlier – we use it for parties all the time. She and Emmett are on their way over with some more stuff – extra glasses and silverware. If they get here in time, they can join us for dinner."

They showed up just as Bella was serving up the food – I swear my little brother can hear an oven door opening a mile away. She'd made a huge meal of honey chicken with roast potatoes and salad. Everything was delicious. With Emmett there, dinner was a raucous affair with plenty of laughter. Bella and I cleaned up while Rose and Emmett carried the party supplies into the house with Renee and Lily "supervising".

"Whoa there, short stuff!" I heard Emmett yell. There was a bang followed by a metallic rattling sound, and profanity.

"Language!" Bella and I shouted at the same time, which made us laugh. We'd been laughing a lot today … like every time we looked at each other and remembered our lunch.

"Sorry, parental units!" he shouted back. "But this thing is heavy!" I walked into the hall to see what my brother was manhandling through the door. I was shocked to see an industrial-size extension ladder.

"What's that for?" I asked as Emmett carried it into the basement.

"That damn burnt-out light in the ceiling of the stairwell," replied Rose. "It must be 25 feet up. None of my painter's interior ladders came close to it. Bella's going break her neck walking down there in the dark, so we're going to replace the bulb." There was another bang, followed by more cursing, followed by giggling from the girls.

"LANGUAGE!"

Definitely an exceptional week.

_**A/N: After writing this, I can no longer hear the word "dessert" in any context without grinning. The big housewarming party is next! I admit that I love your reviews and comments, so please keep them coming – they are remarkably motivating. **_


	13. House Warming

_**A/N: Party time! For my faithful readers, this chapter sets up the action for the rest of the story. All the hints and clues are there – **__**any guesses or suggestions for what happens next? Of course, the most obvious set-up is for the next chapter. After several weeks of 'you know' everywhere but in the bedroom, I'm giving our wonderful couple a break and letting them finally have a bed for the night. Even my back was getting sore reading this! So lemons in the next chapter, folks ... for now, I give you the housewarming party.**_

EPOV

Saturday arrived, cloudy and warm. Shockingly, the weather forecast predicted no rain. I wondered briefly if Alice had found a way to manipulate _that_ as well.

Admittedly, Bella was doing a stellar job of handling Alice. The vast majority of her outrageous requests to "enhance" Bella's housewarming had been politely but firmly shot down. I conceded that Alice's idea to tent the backyard was terrific – although I didn't quite think that Bella had agreed to the entire backyard being lit by soft white twinkle lights wound through the canopy, deck railing and up the spruce tree. But the effect was magnificent.

Carlisle and Esme had dropped by shortly before dinner to take Lily for the night. They had wanted to take Renee as well, but Bella wouldn't let her go. Instead, she hired one of the neighborhood teens to keep an eye on her for the evening. "This is her housewarming too," Bella said.

Alice, Rosalie and Bella had spent all day flitting through the house and around the city, getting things ready. Jasper, Emmett and I spent the day carrying heavy things around and complaining.

"This sucks," Emmett complained in an undertone when we had a moment to ourselves outside. "It's the weekend, man. We should be golfing. Not doing party shit. What's in it for us anyway?"

"It's what you _won't_ get if you don't cooperate that counts," Rose threatened out the kitchen window. Jasper and I cracked up as Emmett struggled between losing face in front of us, and losing sack time with his girlfriend. Sex won – Emmett slunk away grumbling to set up the bar.

"Don't be cruel to Emmett, you two," Bella said, Renee at her heels. She brandished her car keys at us. "We are perilously short on vermouth, which goes into a martini, which I hear is my handsome neighbor's favourite drink," she said with a wink in my direction. "Would you two do a liquor store run, please?"

"Yes, ma'am," I said, kissing her and grabbing the keys. Renee put her arms around my leg and looked up pleadingly, pointing to her chest. "You want to come too, sweet pea?" I asked, pleasantly surprised. She nodded. "Well, come on then." I swung her up on my shoulders. "Watch your head, angel." Buckling her into the car seat, I could see Jasper watching me with a big grin.

"What? You analyzing me?" I asked him, cramming myself into Bella's front seat and ramming the seat back as far as it would go.

"Don't need to be a psychiatrist to see that you're the happiest guy on the face of the earth, Edward," said Jasper with a grin.

~~ - ~~

BPOV

It was an hour before the guests were due, and everything was perfect. Well, almost everything.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I shouted, darting out of the bedroom in nothing but my underwear. I ran into Rosalie and Alice, who were racing in to see what was the matter. Rose caught me before I fell headlong down the stairs.

"Jesus, Bella, take it easy. What's the matter?" asked Rose, trying to steady me without molesting me at the same time. "And where did you get this gorgeous come-fuck-me lingerie?"

"I helped her pick it out," supplied Alice helpfully. "Her underwear situation was tragic – tragic!"

"The light bulb ... we forgot to change it!" I said, pointing at the burnt–out fixture at the pinnacle of my beautiful little house. Alice and Rosalie rolled their eyes and pulled me back into the bedroom.

"For God's sake, I thought something was really wrong," Rose said in disgust. "Like we had no red wine, or no boys were coming to the party."

"I'm just nervous, that's all," I said, laying down on the bed and curling into a ball. "The last time I hosted a party, I was the bride. What if it's no good? What if no one comes?" I sat up again, clutching at their hands in a fit of nerves.

"First, no party that I've had a hand in was a flop - ever," said Alice firmly, after sending Rose downstairs with hastily whispered instructions. She pulled me off the bed with surprising strength and guided me to the bathroom, sitting me down on the closed toilet. She produced an enormous make-up kit out of nowhere and examined my face critically. "Second," she said, taking a glass of red wine out of Rosalie's hands as she appeared in the bathroom and handing it to me, "drink two of these and you'll feel better. Two quick wines cure everything."

~~ - ~~

EPOV

I stood outside under the lights of the tent and wondered for the umpteenth time that night how I'd gotten so lucky.

It was a perfect party. On a perfect night. With the most perfect woman in the world shyly filling the role of gracious hostess. To a group of the most remarkable people I'd met in years.

At first, I'd been bemused by the eclectic guests who started crowding into Bella's little house, spilling over into the backyard. They covered every age group, every ethnicity. There were couples and singles – even a noisy flock of children who darted through the legs of the adults. They all seemed to have two things in common.

They adored Bella.

And they were the most interesting, most _real_ people I'd met in years. We Cullens were the misfits at this party – boring, upper middle-class stiffs who had never lived a day in our lives compared to these people.

In the first hour I was there, I talked to a young man who had escaped from Sierra Leone during the most recent civil war, coming to America as a refugee. Bella had taught him English as a second language last year and helped him fill out the paperwork for financial aid – now he was taking college courses to become a social worker.

After him, I met an older woman with white hair who was a part-time lecturer at the liberal arts college where Bella filled in occasionally. She turned out to be an amateur archaeologist with a speciality is Civil War relics. Jasper was a Civil War buff, and the two of them had been engaged in an intense conversation about rusty swords all night.

I couldn't figure out the vibrant young redheaded woman who walked with two canes until Rose told me she was Renee's daycare teacher. She was an experienced sea kayaker planning a late summer expedition to Puget Sound.

The rambunctious children belonged to a charming couple who were Bella's next-door neighbors in her old apartment building.

Add to the mix several of Bella's work colleagues, a number of former students and some of our neighbours (Bella had even gotten that crusty bastard David on the other side of my house to show up), and it added up to a perfect evening. Everywhere I went, I saw people laughing, talking, and enjoying Bella's cooking and Emmett's drinks.

I sampled some of Bella's homemade meatballs. Delicious. I noticed an entire smoked salmon - which I was sure was not on Bella's agreed-upon menu - graced the patio table. _Alice, for God's sake._ I tried the fish – it was fantastic.

As the stars came out, I felt a little arm wrap around my knees. I reached down and picked up Renee, who was long past her bedtime and very sleepy. She put her head on my shoulder. The girl who was looking after her came out on the deck, spotted me holding Renee and smiled.

"There she is. Bella said it was her bedtime, and she took off on me. She's not ready for the party to end yet." Renee yawned hugely. "Then again, maybe she is." I gave Renee a kiss and handed her off.

"Good night, little one," I said. "And thanks Angela – it really helps to have you here tonight."

"No problem, Edward. I love looking after Renee. She's a pleasure." As Angela carried her inside, I felt another familiar arm wrap around me. Bella handed me a martini.

"Courtesy of Emmett. Don't worry, I watched while he made it, so I know he didn't put anything crazy in it. Although I have the feeling it might be strong." I took the glass from her fingers and kissed her slowly, savouring her soft, full lips. Bella leaned further into me, and I could feel my body respond. We hadn't had a moment to ourselves since Wednesday, and I was looking forward to having alone time with her. My hand wandered down the back of her dress and lingered on her behind.

"Get a room," hissed Jasper as he wandered by. Still kissing Bella, I took a shot at him and he dodged out of the way. We finally broke apart, our gazes locked.

"Leave them alone, Jasper," said Alice, putting her arm through her husband's and nuzzling his neck. "Edward's been a lot easier to live with since he met Bella, and I don't want you messing that up." Jasper's attention turned to Alice, and the two of them went off whispering together.

"They better not christen any part of my house," said Bella. "Rose and Emmett caused some damage in the downstairs powder room about an hour ago. I mean really, there are children here." We laughed, peeking at each other out of the corners of our eyes and thinking about the other day. I sipped my martini. Bella put her head on my shoulder, giving the smoked salmon on the table a sharp glance.

"Edward," she asked after a moment, "what does Alice do for a living? And Emmett?"

"Oh," I said, grinning. "Alice spends Jasper's money for a living." Bella looked at me, trying to figure out if I was joking. "OK, not really. Alice is a fashion designer. She has her own line of handbags and such. It's very exclusive, or so she tells me." I named the brand, and Bella's mouth dropped open. "I guess she told me correctly then," I said. "And Emmett's an online affiliate marketer. He deals mainly in sports properties – fantasy leagues, online pools, stuff like that. Don't ask me to explain it because I barely understand it. Suffice to say," I said, "they are both exceedingly wealthy."

Bella didn't say anything – she just turned her chocolate brown eyes to my face and gazed at me. I looked away, a little uncomfortable.

"What?" she asked.

"Are you going to ask me the obvious question?" I mumbled. "I keep waiting for you to ask." I sighed when she didn't say anything. "Bella, don't you ever wonder why I live here, in this exceedingly modest neighbourhood, in this exceedingly average little row house - when the rest of my wealthy family lives in luxury?"

Bella laughed. Not the response I had been expecting.

"Oh Edward," she said, reaching over to cup my cheek with an expression of such love that it took my breath away. "I don't wonder that – I already know why." I looked at her, confused. "OK, I don't know the whole answer, but I know the important part.

"You're happy here," she said. "I don't know all the reasons – I just know that you are. Do you know how many people go through life never knowing what makes them happy?" Bella sipped her drink, smiling. "Sometimes the people around you try to make you feel stupid for being so content with what you have, don't they? You shouldn't let them, my love. Just revel in the fact that you have your answer in life already." In the distance, I heard the doorbell ring. Bella glanced at her watch. "It's nearly 10:30 – who could be showing up this late?" And she hurried to answer the door.

I stood there, dumbfounded. _How did she know these things?_

"She's wise beyond her years, isn't she?" asked a voice to my left. I turned to see a woman, probably in her 50s, looking at me shrewdly. I wondered if she had overheard what Bella had said to me. "I'm Annie," she said. "I've known Bella for a couple of years now. And you look pretty funny with your mouth hanging open like that."

I closed my mouth with a snap. "I'm Edward," I said. "And Bella's ... remarkable." I took a closer look at Annie. She had a careworn face, short, greying hair and careful eyes. "Let me see – are you a teacher? One of Bella's students? Someone from the old neighborhood?"

"I'm a friend of Bella's," said Annie. "We took some classes together and got to know each other pretty well." Not much help there. "I'm guessing you must be someone special too if you've managed to catch Bella."

"I'm pretty lucky, that's what I am," I said. "She's an exceptional person. Loving. Strong. A terrific mom to Renee." I gestured to the people laughing and talking under the tent. "Look at the company she keeps – it tells you a lot about her."

"You're right about that," Annie said. "It should tell you something about yourself that Bella has chosen you as her partner in life." I started to protest, but Annie cut me off. "No, you need to look a little more closely in the mirror, sonny. And not just at your good looks and your richy-rich family, whoever they might be. Bella Swan keeps good company. That includes you." She chuckled and patted my arm. "Mind you, if I were 20 years younger, I'd steal you away from her." I grinned and blushed a little. "Time is short, Edward. Don't waste it." With that, Annie winked at me and headed indoors.

_That was interesting,_ I thought. But I didn't have time to find out more because I could hear Bella's voice crying out. I stood up, alarmed, not sure if her voice was excited or upset. Maybe both. I took the deck stairs two at a time and found her in the living room. She was hugging a tall man with black hair and russet skin. My heart stuttered a little, and I was totally confused. _Jacob?_ I thought irrationally.

"_Seth!_"

~~ - ~~

BPOV

"Seth ... my God, I can't believe it! How did you know...?" I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't speak. Seth's laughter echoed through the room, and he hugged me hard, picking me up off the ground and spinning me like I was no heavier than Renee.

"Oh Bells, it's so good to see you!" he cried. "I dropped by to see Charlie last week, and he told me you were having this party. I had tribe business in the city this weekend, so I got the details from him and decided to surprise you!" He was so happy, so youthful ... so much like Jacob used to be, back when we were 16 and in love.

Seth put me down, and I realized Edward was standing in the doorway, staring at us. He looked a little wary, and I hastened to set him straight.

"Edward, I'd like you to meet Seth Clearwater. Seth is Jacob's youngest cousin – almost like a kid brother. He's a very dear friend of my family." At my words – _cousin, kid, brother, friend, family_ – the look of confusion and suspicion melted away from Edward's face, and he stepped forward to shake Seth's hand. "Seth, this is my boyfriend, Edward Cullen."

"It's a pleasure, Seth," said Edward with a warm smile. But he also took two steps over to my side and put his arm around my waist, pulling me close. I cocked one eyebrow at him, and he winked. _Boys._ I turned back to Seth eagerly.

"But I wish you had come earlier. You could have seen ..." My voice trailed off at the look on his face.

"I came late on purpose, Bells. I thought ... well, I thought it would be best if Renee were asleep." His young face suddenly looked pinched, older. "I know how much I look like Jake. I figured it would be easier if she didn't see me. I couldn't bear it if she looked at me thought that I was ..." Seth broke off and turned his face away. I took his hand.

"Come upstairs," I said. "She's asleep. See her for yourself."

~~ - ~~

The two of us stood side by side in Renee's bedroom. Angela excused herself and slipped out. Seth looked down at Renee. He made no sound, but I could see the tears on his face.

"I miss him so much, Bells," he whispered.

"I know. Me too." Seth reached down and softly stroked Renee's hair. She stirred and rolled over, hugging her teddy bear.

"You look so much like your daddy," Seth breathed. "He would be so proud if he could see you now." He turned to me. "He'd be proud of you too, Bella. How hard you've worked, how far you've come. What an amazing job you've done with Renee." He took one last look at Jake's daughter, and we left the room together.

"I'm glad you're dating someone, Bells. It's good to see you happy that way again." I blushed and put my arm around him. "He must be a great guy if you're with him."

"He is," I said as we came downstairs. "The very best." I struggled as tears threatened to surface. "I don't know what I did to deserve two such wonderful men in my lifetime ..." I let out a little sob, and suddenly Edward's arms were around me.

"You deserve all the happiness in the world, lovely," he murmured, holding me tight. I leaned into him, feeling his strength flow into me.

"Can you stay, Seth?" I asked. But he shook his head regretfully.

"No, I only dropped by to say hello. I'm staying a motel in town, just came into Seattle to get some paperwork filed on behalf of the Quileute band. You know me – I'm a chief. Chief administrator, that is. Who would think that being on the tribal council required so much paper-pushing?" We all laughed. I extracted a promise from Seth to come visit next time he was in Seattle, and then he was gone.

The party started to wind down not long after his departure. Alice, Rose and Jasper had already made a big dent in the clean-up, and Emmett was pouring a few of my more intoxicated coworkers into cabs. The six of us brought in everything from outside, crammed the leftovers in the fridge and put the garbage in the garage. The essentials complete, I paid Angela for her time with Renee and had Jasper walk her to her house three doors down. Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Alice said their goodbyes. And then it was just Edward and me, with my daughter sleeping peacefully above our heads.

I closed and locked the door, switched off the outside light and turned to Edward. He caught my face in his hands and gave me a very long, very thorough kiss.

"I've been waiting all night to do that, Ms Swan," he whispered. "Congratulations on a spectacular housewarming."

"It was good, wasn't it?" I sighed, resting my head on his chest. "The best part was seeing Seth – that was so unexpected. What was the best part for you?"

"Besides groping the hostess every chance I had?" he asked teasingly. I half-heartedly swatted his hand away from my bottom and kissed him again. "The best part was the people – you have some incredible friends and colleagues. I was quite intrigued by Annie. Where do you know her from?"

"You talked to Annie? She's amazing. What did you talk about?" I asked, hedging his question for now.

"We talked about you. Actually, she did the talking, and I did the listening." Edward smiled crookedly. "She told me to have more self-respect and look for out you. And if I hurt you, she'd kill me." I stared at him in horror. "OK, she didn't say that. But that was she meant, I'm sure." He kept looking at me expectantly. "Will you tell me how you know Annie? Or is it a secret?"

"Nooooo, it's not a secret," I said slowly. "Annie was the leader of a therapy group I joined not long after Jake died. A group that supported survivors of family trauma. We became close then, and she's been kind of a mentor ever since. Almost like an AA sponsor, you know? She's my go-to person when things get tough, and only another survivor can help me through."

"She seemed very strong, so I'm not surprised to hear she's also a survivor," said Edward softly, stroking my cheek. "What happened to her? Can you tell me?"

"Annie's husband started using crack cocaine many years back. First he was using, then dealing to support his habit. It was tearing their family apart. They had two little boys." I shuddered a little. "One night, someone broke into their house. They don't know who, the police never solved the crime. Dealers maybe. He owed a lot of money. Or maybe just crackheads looking for drugs. They shot all of them in their beds. Annie, her husband, the two boys." Edward tightened his grip around me. "Annie survived. No one else did."

"Oh, man," he said softly. "How did she find the strength to keep living after that?"

"Annie gets her strength from helping others, like me," I said. "I couldn't have made it without her. Believe me, I felt pretty sorry for myself after Jacob died. But after I met Annie and heard her story, I realized how much worse it could have been. And I'm grateful every day for what I have because of her."

Edward tipped my face up to his and kissed me again. Then I reached over, switched off the lights and extended my hand to his.

"Stay with me tonight," I whispered to him, touching my lips to his. "Make love to me in my house. In my bedroom. In my bed." Edward nodded and wrapped his arm around me.

And together, we went upstairs.

_**A/N: I actually bawled my eyes out writing the part with Seth. I must be PMSing.**_


	14. Connection

_**A/N: Yes, this chapter is mostly lemon. But there's a gigantic plot point at the end, so make sure you read the whole thing. Things are going to move very fast from this point onward, and I can only hope my writing can keep up.**_

_**I wrote most of this during a really boring two hour conference call today. Made me wonder what everyone else on the line was doing!**_

EPOV

I sat on the edge of Bella's bed and let my mind drift. It had been a long and wonderful day. Now, I didn't want to think anymore. I just wanted to make love to her.

Bella came into the room, her hair down and shoes off, but still in her pretty party dress.

"She's fast asleep. With any luck, she'll sleep in tomorrow. It was a pretty late night for her." I stood up. A moment later, she was in my arms, warm and slender. I ran my hand down her neck, and slowly undid her dress. It slid off her body and fell to the floor. I looked down at her and took a sudden breath.

Bella looked like a beautiful present waiting to be unwrapped. Her lingerie was all satin and lace and ribbons in a deep, velvety purple. These were definitely not the kind of undergarments a man ripped off a woman in the heat of passion. They were the kind he removed slowly and reverently while worshipping the goddess who wore them. It was a perfect match for my mood tonight.

"You're so beautiful," I breathed, running my hands along her shoulders and down to her collarbones. She shivered, and I let my fingers drift between her breasts, then slowly move across their soft swell. A silky band of satin ran across the tops of her nipples, and I lingered there, teasing. Bella's breathing accelerated, as I reached down and cupped her breasts, brushing my thumbs over the tips of her erect nipples. She gasped out loud.

"Does it feel good when I touch you like that?" I murmured.

"Yes … nnnnn, Edward it feels so good," she moaned. I picked her up, placed her on the bed and stripped down to my boxers while she watched. Her eyes grew dark with desire as my clothing came off, one piece at a time.

"I want to show you how much I love you," I said, putting my knees on either side of her thighs. "Will you let me?" She nodded, her eyes wide in the semi-darkness. I leaned down and captured her lips with mine. They were soft and sweet and utterly intoxicating. I took her bottom lip into my mouth and nibbled. Bella moaned in my arms and put her hands on the back of my neck, pulling me closer. She nipped at my mouth, raking her teeth over my lips. I growled and buried my face in the crook of her neck.

"You smell wonderful," I whispered, tracing my tongue very lightly along her neck up to the sensitive spot in the hollow below her ear. She squirmed beneath me, pushing her body against mine. I rubbed my erection against her scantily covered core, moaning at her heat and wetness.

I ran my mouth down her chest, leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses across her skin. My lips ran over the top of her breasts and nudged the satin down with my nose until her warm flesh was exposed to me. I brushed my tongue over her hard nipple, then blew gently on her wet skin. Bella's hips jumped up to mine, and she whimpered in pleasure. I fastened my lips on to her nipple and suckled on it for several long, uninterrupted minutes. Then I drifted across to the other one and gave it the same undivided attention, as Bella writhed under me.

"Stop … Edward, stop," she gasped finally, pulling on my hair. "You're going to make me come, and I don't want to yet … I want you inside me when I come." I gave her breast one last nip and then pushed back up. She attacked my mouth hungrily, her hands sliding down my back to pull me closer. We held each other, trying to slow down the rhythm of our hips.

"Can I take this pretty little thing off you?" I asked, reaching behind her to remove her bra. Bella nodded, and the gorgeous scrap of fabric fluttered to the floor. "It's very beautiful, but not as beautiful as what's underneath." I settled down against her, sighing as her warm skin pressed against mine.

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Cullen," she said, smiling. She gripped me with her thighs and flipped us around so she was on top. "My turn." Her mouth came down on my neck, nibbling at my skin. She slid lower, down to my collarbone, and started sucking furiously. A moment later, she pulled back to inspect her work.

"Did you just give me a hickey, Isabella?" I asked incredulously.

"Just marking my territory," she purred. "Don't worry, no one else will be able to see it. Just me."

"That's OK," I said. "Because you're the only one who can do that to me." I pushed my hips up against her warmth, letting her feel my arousal. "You're also the only one who can do _that_ to me." In response, she slipped down my body, running her lips over my chest and stomach to the waistband of my shorts. She pressed her mouth against the outline of my straining penis and blew out a steady stream of warm breath. The heat poured over my erection, causing it to leap inside my boxers. "Oh _God_, that feels good." She continued nosing down to the base of my cock, blowing softly on my balls. It took all my restraint not to shove my erection into her open mouth as she nuzzled me.

Her fingers slipped under the elastic of my shorts and pulled them down. She came back up, placing hot kisses along the inside of my legs. She teased my balls and licked up my dick, planting a soft, open-mouthed kiss right on the tip. I moaned, and caught her shoulders, rolling her over. As soon as she was on her back, I slid the scrap of lace between her legs off. Then I sat back and let my eyes feast on her lovely body.

Bella's face was flushed with pleasure, her hair spread out on the pillows behind her. Her lips were swollen from my kisses. Her nipples were dark pink circles against her pale skin, hard and sensitized. I rubbed my thumbs over them, causing her to moan with delight. I let my fingers trail down her sides, slipping over her beautiful curves, her sweet rounded belly. On the lower part of her abdomen, my fingertips softly traced the faint silver lines that marked her pregnancy with Renee.

My gaze swept down, taking in the dark patch of hair between her thighs. I tangled my fingers gently through her soft curls, carefully parting them to stroke the warm flesh beneath. Bella cried out as my fingers circled over her clit, barely grazing it, teasing.

"Please Edward … please," she panted, thrusting her hips up, searching for my fingers. The insides of her thighs were wet, and I wanted her so badly, I could barely think.

"I'll give you what you need, lovely, don't worry," I whispered. I picked up a foil packet from the night stand, tore it open with my teeth and put on the condom. I settled myself between her legs and slid into her in one slow and gentle movement.

"That's good, so good," Bella crooned, pushing up to meet me. I wrapped my hands around her hips and lower back, pulling her up higher against me. Her back arched at the increased penetration, and she wrapped her legs around my back, linking her ankles. The view was spectacular.

Maybe it was the martinis or just the slow pace I had set, but I felt like I could last forever tonight. I could feel Bella's body shaking in my hands with every thrust as she got closer and closer to orgasm. I took one hand off her hips and rubbed little circles around her clit. The moment I touched her, she came, choking back a scream. Her walls clenched around me as she climaxed, sending tremors of pleasure through my abdomen. I slowed down to give her a chance to recover – and to prevent myself from going off.

After a moment, Bella opened her eyes and gazed at me. She unwrapped herself from my waist and pulled me down for a long kiss.

"I want to make you feel like that too," she whispered. Without stopping, she moved so she was above me once again. It was the first time Bella had ever been on top when we made love. I reached up and caressed her warm breasts, savoring the depths I could reach with this position. She took my hands off her breasts and interlaced our fingers. We made love like that for a long time, just looking at one another.

Eventually, the slow, constant friction started to wear down my endurance, and it got more difficult to hold back. Bella started to grind down harder against me, moaning as I reclaimed her breasts and flicked her swelling nipples. She looked down at me with lust-filled eyes, and saw me struggling to hold on.

"I need you to come now, Edward," she gasped. "Come for me, come with me, baby." That was all it took for me to explode, grabbing her hips and shoving ruthlessly up inside her as the spasms overtook me. Bella cried out in the same moment, arching her back with pleasure as her orgasm tore through her. Then she slipped down into the shelter of my arms, snuggling close as her heart pounded furiously against my chest.

I stripped off the condom (_God I hate these things, need to find a better method of birth control for us_) and tossed it into the garbage. Then I pulled her back into my arms, covering her face with little kisses. I wanted to tell her how special an experience that had been for me – but when I looked in her eyes, I knew she felt the same way.

"I love you," I whispered.

"Love you too, Edward," Bella replied.

We fell asleep in each other's arms, tangled around each other, hopelessly in love.

~~ - ~~

BPOV

I woke up slowly, feeling something digging into my backside. I started to reach back, and realized something warm and heavy was holding me tight. Edward. It was dark in the room, and I'd only been asleep for a couple of hours.

Several seconds later, I realized what was digging into my butt was also Edward. He was sound asleep, snoring softly and pushing his erection against my ass. I was seized by the giggles, shaking with laughter in his arms. His snoring stopped, and he adjusted his grip, taking hold of one of my breasts. He made a little sound of contentment in his throat and settled back down. A moment later, however, he went right back to humping my butt.

Still laughing, I disengaged his hand and rolled over so I was facing him. He grunted and I felt his hips push forward, seeking friction. I was happy to oblige him, so I reached down and wrapped my hand around his hard cock. Giving him a push to get him on his back, I started to rub him up and down. He moaned in his sleep, thrusting into my hand.

The naughtiness of jerking Edward off in his sleep was intoxicating, and I started to stroke him with greater intent. It was incredibly arousing, and I could feel moisture starting to pool between my legs. I slipped my hand down and ran it through my juices before I went back to work on him. _I wouldn't want him getting chafed, would I?_

After a few minutes of loving attention, Edward's cock was twitching in my hand, all his muscles rhythmically contracting. He thrust harder into my fist, moaning with every squeeze. His eyelids started to flutter as he slowly came up from sleep. He opened his eyes in the dark as his body reached its limit. In the next moment, his face contorted with pleasure as he burst into my hand, spraying semen over our naked bodies. There was a long moment of confused silence.

"Bella, what the hell just happened to me?" he asked, sounding mortified. "Did I just have a wet dream?" I collapsed in laughter beside him.

"No, darling. I helped." More confused silence.

"What?" he finally asked helplessly.

"I woke up and you were … excited. Rather than have you make love to my back, I kind of … lent you a hand." He closed his eyes and flopped back against the pillow, groaning with embarrassment. Still giggling, I scooted out of bed, found a hand towel and wiped myself off, then him.

"You enjoyed that, didn't you?" he growled, pulling me against him as I got into bed.

"Very much so," I said, snuggling against his chest.

"Vixen," he murmured. I snickered. "I'll get you back for this." It was the last thing I heard him say as I drifted back off to sleep.

~~ - ~~

When I woke up again, the sun was coming up. I was lying with my back to Edward, his arm wrapped around me once again. The difference this time was that he was most definitely awake, and my entire body was on fire.

I gasped aloud with the pleasure that was spreading through my body. I tried to move, to find out what was happening, but Edward's arm tightened around me. His fingers were busy circling the tips of my breasts, teasing my aching nipples to a point just below pain.

"Edward, oh God, Edward, stop!" I panted, trying to wiggle away from him. He chuckled and started sucking on the back of my neck.

"It's payback time," he growled, and his hand suddenly dove between my thighs. I moaned as he ran his fingers through my wet folds, spreading the liquid spilling out of me up to my clit and rubbing little circles around it. He held me there, immobilized, as he teased me to orgasm. I climaxed helplessly, unable to move.

"You're a naughty boy," I gasped when he finally released me. I rolled over to find him grinning with enormous satisfaction. If I'd had the strength, I would have hit him with a pillow. Instead, I settled for throwing the covers over his head as I got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" he asked, suddenly alarmed. "You're not mad at me, are you?"

"Of course not," I said, picking up a t-shirt and disappearing into the bathroom. "But I do need to pee. And brush my teeth."

When I poked my head out of the bathroom a few minutes later, toothbrush in my mouth, Edward had burrowed down into the covers again. His breathing was soft and even. I finished brushing and threw some water on my face. Then I hacked away at my hair for a few minutes, trying to get out the worst of the snarls.

I happened to turn toward the half-open bathroom door at that moment. And so, this time, I saw exactly what happened.

While I had been brushing my hair, Renee had come into the room. Unaware that I was standing in the bathroom a few feet away from her, she had toddled over to the bed and climbed up. And just like she did last time, she pulled the covers back, wanting to get underneath. Or maybe just looking for a cuddle.

It happened so fast, there was nothing I could do.

When Renee saw Edward in the bed, she started violently. Her eyes went blank, and I knew it wasn't Edward she was seeing anymore. Her mouth opened, and a scream of pure terror poured out of her. She threw herself backward off the bed, hitting the floor with a bang. Renee didn't move any further at that point; she curled into a ball on the floor and continued to scream.

Edward, who nearly had a heart attack when Renee woke him up with her shriek, flew out of bed to comfort her, then leaped back under the covers when he realized he was naked. He called for me, but I was already there, on the floor, my arms surrounding her. Renee was stiff as a board, eyes staring, wailing hysterically.

"It's OK, baby, it's OK," I said into her ear, pulling her against me. "It's Edward, Edward. He slept over last night. It's OK. Mommy's here and you're safe."

Edward had gotten into his shorts and scrambled out of bed. Renee's head flew up as she heard him approach, and the look of terror on her face redoubled. She threw out her little arms in a warding gesture. Her screaming got more hysterical.

I looked at Edward for a moment, his face a mask of horror and guilt. For a moment, I could feel his emotions reflected in my own expression. And then, the feelings were gone. I knew what I had to do now.

~~ - ~~

EPOV

I stared at Bella in absolute panic as Renee cringed away from me, her ear-splitting shrieks filling the room. Bella looked back at me for a moment, emotions flashing across her face. And then – nothing. Her face went smooth and determined. Suddenly I was facing the woman who had once navigated her little family through some of the darkest waters I could imagine.

"Edward, give me my phone, please," Bella said above the screams. I grabbed it off the charging dock and threw it into her hands. She flipped quickly through the numbers while she held Renee. At the same time, she reached into the nearby dresser and started dragging out clothes.

"Yes, I need you to page Dr. Lynn Snow immediately for a crisis consult," she said firmly into the phone. "This is Bella Swan calling, patient name is Renee Black, she's my daughter." Bella had the phone shoved under one ear while she yanked on a pair of jeans. "Thank you. Please have her call back as soon as you are able to reach her. This is an emergency. Here's my number." She recited it to the paging service and hung up. Renee's screams were starting to taper off. Bella turned to me, expressionless.

"Darling, I think it would be best if you left now," she said. There was no trace of anger in her voice, just calm competency. "I'm so sorry this happened. Please, please do not blame yourself – this is not your fault."

I was fully into my clothes at this point. All I wanted was to comfort Bella and Renee. But how could I?"

"I am so, so sorry," I said in a low voice, trying not to draw Renee's attention to me. "Will she be all right?" _Will we be all right?_

"I think so," said Bella. "But I will see what Dr. Snow has to say. If she's available, I'll probably take Renee to visit her at the hospital today. I'll keep you posted on where we are and what's happening, OK?" She stood with Renee in her arms, and took a few steps away from me, away from the door. I realized she was waiting for me to leave. Terror was gripping me – fear for Renee, fear for Bella, fear for _us_.

But there was nothing I could do at this point. _Man up_, I thought.

"I love you. Both of you," I said, blowing her a kiss. Emotions broke through on Bella's face for a moment: Terror, panic, love. And then they vanished again.

"I love you too" she mouthed, and then turned her back to me as I walked down the stairs.

_**A/N: It's important to know at this point that Bella is not angry in any way at Edward, nor does she blame him for what happened. But like any parent, she will do anything, make any sacrifice, to protect her child. The question now is – will this mean giving up Edward? Read 'n review, folks! Keep those cards and letter coming.**_


	15. Fallen

_**A/N: I promised you that the story would move quickly from now on, and so it does …**_

EPOV

I stumbled back into my house, unable to process what had just happened. _An hour ago, I was in bed with Bella. Everything was perfect._

Nothing felt perfect now.

I went up to my room and lay down on my bed. Compared to the warm cocoon I had slept in last night, my bed was cold and empty. Bella's scent still clung to me. I thought about what it had felt like to make love to her last night. Waking up coming in her hand in the middle of the night. Her body pinned under mine, shuddering with pleasure, this morning.

Gone. In an instant. Because of an unforeseen, random moment that triggered a horrific memory in her daughter's mind.

My stomach cramped into a painful ball of guilt, shame and terror. _I couldn't keep my hands off her_, I thought bitterly. _I couldn't be patient, couldn't give Renee time to adjust to my presence in their life. Couldn't resist the chance to sleep with Bella wrapped in my arms. I had to rush things, rush the whole damn relationship. My fault, my fault …_

"Stop," I said out loud. This was not my fault. This was no one's fault. It was an accident, it had happened and we had to live with the consequences, whatever they might be. There was nothing to be gained by wallowing in self-pity.

In my mind, I knew that was all true. But the ball of pent-up emotions stayed in my gut, burning. I pushed my hands through my hair and looked at the clock. 7:45 in the morning. It felt later than that.

I found my cell phone and plugged it in. I'd need it full charged today to stay in touch with Bella. Then I pulled off my clothes and took a long shower. As I toweled off, I could see the dark red mark on my collarbone from last night. I ran my fingers over it … it hurt like a bugger. Actually, a lot of me hurt. There were scratches all over my shoulders – I couldn't even remember Bella doing that. And my dick was sore enough that it wanted to climb up into my body and hide there for a while. _I'm out of practice_, I thought. For a moment, my mind flickered to the possibility that I might be permanently done practicing with Bella, but I shoved that thought away. We would make this right. Somehow.

An hour later, I was standing at the front window, drinking my second coffee of the morning. My cell phone buzzed, and I leaped on it, hoping for a message from Bella. But it was my mom and dad, telling me they'd bring Lily home after lunch. She was going back to Tanya tonight. My heart sank at the thought … I hated my off-weeks.

I stood at the front window for most of the morning, waiting. Just before noon, the door slammed next door, and Bella came out. Renee was clinging to her like a little spider monkey. I watched as Bella buckled her into the car seat. She straightened up and saw me in the window. For a long moment, we looked at each other. Then she got into her car and drove away.

I stood there for a while longer, the knot of pain inside slowly untying itself. All I had to do was look at her face for those few moments to know that she loved me as much as I loved her. That she didn't blame me for what had happened. And that even though we were apart – and might need to remain apart for Renee's sake for some time to come – we would always be connected in our hearts.

About an hour later, I got a text from Bella.

_At the hospital, waiting to see Renee's therapist. We'll be here for a while. Love you._

God, how I wanted to be there with her, with them.

_Keep me posted. I'm right here if you need me. Love you._

Esme and Carlisle delivered Lily to me after lunch as promised. I arranged my face into what I had thought was a welcoming smile as I opened the door, but all three of them stopped short on the doorstep.

"Edward," my mother said, her bright smile dying on her lips. "You look awful. Are you sick? Is something wrong?" Obviously, I hadn't done a good job of looking welcoming.

"I'm OK, Mom, honest. Come in, please. Hi honey," I said, bending over to hug Lily. Having her safe in my arms made me feel a tiny bit better. At least one of my beautiful girls was safe and sound with me. Lily hugged me back hard, not sure what was wrong but knowing I needed her. "I missed you," she whispered in my ear. "I love staying with Grandma and Grandpa, but I don't like being away from you, Daddy." Her confession gave me a big lump in my throat, and I held her a while longer. I released her, and she darted inside to play. Big Emotional Moment over for my eight-year-old.

As I straightened back up, my parents were still looking at me with concern.

"Bella had to take Renee to the hospital," I explained. "There was an … incident … early this morning that brought up some very bad memories for her, and she had a strong emotional and physical reaction to them. Bella's with her therapist now. That's all I know."

"You should have called us!" my mother exclaimed. "We can look after Lily, take her to Tanya's. Go to the hospital to be with them!" Esme's face looked perplexed as I shook my head.

"No, Mom, but thanks. It's better that I not be there … my presence wouldn't be helpful right now. Trust me on this. Please." _Please don't ask me to explain any more, Mom, because I don't want to cry in front of you and Dad_. "Why don't you tell me what you guys did with Lily last night?"

"We took her to the movies," said Carlisle immediately, flashing Esme a warning look. "This morning, we went for brunch. The restaurant may never recover – I've never seen an eight-year-old girl eat that much in my life. How was the house warming party?"

We talked for a while, my parents carrying most of the conversation. After a bit, my mother excused herself and went upstairs with Lily. My dad and I went out on the back deck. Just being out there … the place where I'd met Bella, made love to her for the first time, fell in love with her … was agonizing.

"Edward," Carlisle said with real concern in his voice, "what happened?" Through clenched teeth, I gave him a brief, colorless account of Jacob's suicide, and Renee's discovery of the body. Then I told him what had happened this morning. I held on to the deck railing so he wouldn't see my hands shaking.

"I know you may find this hard to believe, Edward, but this could be a good thing for Renee," Carlisle said. I turned to him, shocked. "After I met Bella and Renee here last month, I requested Renee's file again and gave it another read. Lynn Snow is a good psychiatrist, one of the best in the city. Her work with Renee is gold standard." He took a deep breath, and I could tell he was trying to find a way to explain this without betraying patient confidentiality. "It's hard to treat something the patient can't remember. Even harder when the patient can't speak. Remembering can be the first step – albeit an incredibly painful one – to recovery."

I nodded, trying to reconcile what my father was saying with the horrific scene on the floor of Bella's bedroom this morning.

"Son, you had to know what you were getting into when you took up with Bella," Carlisle said.

"Yes," I said in a low voice. "Bella was very … honest … about everything. She told me, warned me, that it could be difficult. Even gave me the option of backing out." I took a deep breath. "I can deal with difficult stuff. I can deal with just about anything – except losing them. I've never loved a woman the way I love Bella." Another deep breath. "I want her for the rest of my life, Dad, and I want Renee too. I want her to be mine one day. So when she ... Renee …looked at me like that … like I was a … monster … someone who was going to hurt her …" I broke off and started scrubbing at my hair in agitation.

"I can understand your feelings, Edward. And Bella did the right thing telling you about this up front. It's clear that she loves and trusts you very much." My dad put his hand on my shoulder. I looked up, expecting to see his "Dr. Cullen" face, but instead, he looked surprisingly emotional. "I can't tell you how happy I am that those two found you - out of all the men in this world - to be part of their lives. You're a good man, Edward. The best of men. All three of you will find a way to get through this difficult situation." He gave my shoulder a hard squeeze. "Just don't tell your mother what you told me. If she finds out she might get a new grand-daughter one of these days, already broken in, I don't think I could live with her anymore."

That made me laugh, and then the patio door opened.

"Carlisle, are you and Edward just about done? We've still got a few errands to run before the stores close," she said.

We all came back inside. Lily and I saw them off from the front doorstep.

"How about some soccer, Dad?" she asked. I smiled – probably the first successful smile I'd managed in the last six hours or so – and nodded.

~~ - ~~

I fixed dinner for Lily while she played with her Nintendo DS at the kitchen table. I wasn't a great cook, but I was good with kid food – pasta, chicken, grilled cheese, veggies and dip. Tonight I made spaghetti, Lily's favorite. I put some garlic bread under the broiler and stared unseeingly out the window.

I had gotten one more text from Bella in the late afternoon, saying that Renee had gotten to see her doctor, and that they would be home after dinner. Nothing else.

"Dad?" I started out of my reverie and realized that the noises from the DS had stopped a few minutes ago. Lily was sitting at the table, looking at me.

"Sorry … what did you say, Lily?" I asked.

"Is something wrong?" _Oh God, how do I explain this to an eight-year-old? _I checked to make sure the garlic bread wasn't going to burn, and then came over and leaned against the counter next to her.

"Renee, next door, had to go to the hospital today. That makes me feel really sad, and I'm worried about her," I said, as honestly as I could.

"But she's not your daughter," Lily said, looking hurt.

"That's true. But I like her a lot. And I like Bella even more. So I feel sad and worried for her too." Lily contemplated this for a moment.

"I miss Renee," she said. "I wish she didn't get sick. When will she be better?"

"I don't know, honey. Soon, I hope."

~~ - ~~

Dinner was finished and Lily was upstairs getting the last of her things ready when the doorbell rang. I glanced up at the clock, but I hardly needed to. Come what may, she was always punctual.

Lily answered the door, saving me the indignity of my ex-wife asking me from the doorstep why I looked so awful. I stayed in the kitchen for as long as possible. I just couldn't endure the Spanish Inquisition from Tanya. Eventually, I had to come down to the door to face her though.

Tanya's eyes locked on to my face as soon as I started down the stairs. I stopped halfway down and sat on the staircase. Her eyes widened, but she said nothing. This reaction was somehow worse than the grilling I had expected – like I looked so bad she didn't even want to know what was wrong.

We had our regular "who's doing what this week" conversation, and then Lily came thundering down the stairs, spilling soccer balls, Webkinz and Jonas Brothers CDs as she ran. But instead of the usual "Bye Dad" and flying kiss on the way out the door, she stopped. And gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you, Daddy," she said. I couldn't speak, I could only nod and blow a kiss to her as she left. The door closed behind them, Tanya's eyes still on my face and still alarmed by what she saw. I sat on the steps for several minutes, struggling.

_Please I don't want to cry, I'm a man, for God's sake, don't let me sit here in my empty house and cry please oh God …_

The tears won out.

~~ - ~~

An hour later, I was standing by the front window again. I watched as Bella's car pulled into the driveway. She got out, took a sleeping Renee from the back seat and carried her inside. Our eyes met for just a few seconds, but nothing else. Another car pulled into the visitor parking across the road at the same time. Rosalie got out and followed Bella into the house.

_Move along, folks. Nothing here for you to see._

I climbed wearily upstairs to my office, switched on my computer and sent a note to my boss that I wouldn't be in tomorrow. I didn't give the details, just explained that I had a personal family matter to attend to. My boss was cool, she would understand.

I was still sitting slumped in my office chair half an hour later when the doorbell rang. I knew Bella would never ring the front door bell – in fact, I wasn't even sure that Bella had ever come through my front door. But it might be news, so I ran downstairs to answer it.

Rosalie was on the doorstep.

"Hi Edward," she said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Can we talk?" My stomach dropped like a stone. I think my terror must have shown on my face because Rosalie reached out and grabbed my hand. "Hey … it's all right. I want to bring you up to speed … not electrocute you."

"Electrocution is sounding pretty good right now," I said with a rueful smile.

"Yeah, Bella said you'd be feeling this way. C'mon, make me some tea and we'll talk. It's not as bad as you think."

We sat down at the table, steaming mugs in hand.

"How are they?" I asked.

"Let me start with Renee," said Rose. "Renee is fine. She spent a few hours with her therapist, did some of that art therapy stuff. And then … she talked. Not much, but a little. More than Dr. Snow had ever heard her say before." My mouth fell open in shock. "I know, I felt the same way when Bella told me," said Rose with a smile.

"Do you know what she talked about?" I asked. The smile vanished off Rose's face.

"All I know was that it was about her dad. I don't think it was easy for Renee. It took a lot out of her, and she was exhausted by the end. You can imagine how difficult it is for her to articulate her feelings after all this time. Most regular five-year-olds can't do that." No wonder she had been out like a light when Bella took her out of the car. My heart ached for her.

"Now, about Bella …" My eyes shot up at the mention of her name. "Bella's also asleep. Mostly because I snuck a sedative into her cup of tea," said Rosalie with a satisfied smile. "She feels guilty, exhausted, guilty, overwhelmed and guilty, in that order."

"What does she have to feel guilty about?" I asked. "You should have seen her this morning – she was a super hero. Total grace under pressure."

"Bella feels guilty about everything, Edward. It's her nature. She blames herself for everything that happened this morning. Only now she's not just scared shitless for her daughter, she's in a frenzy worrying about how you must feel right now." I opened my mouth to protest against this, but Rose held up her hand. "I know. I spent the day telling her that you were a big boy who could handle the rough stuff." She looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "But I'm glad it's me sitting in front of you now, and not Bella. You're just like Emmett … tough on the outside, marshmallow on the inside."

"So what happens now?"

"That's up to Bella," said Rose, rising and putting her teacup in the sink. "She'll probably keep Renee at home tomorrow to keep an eye on her. And if I know Bella, she'll clean the house from top to bottom. That's what she always does when she's feeling stressed out." I walked Rosalie to the front door and gave her a hug.

"Thanks for the update, Rose. I've been going crazy all day wondering what was going on."

"You know how it is at the hospital," she said, rolling her eyes. "No cell phones allowed or you'll send the dude in the next room into cardiac arrest with your satellite frequencies." That wasn't exactly why cell phones were banned from hospitals, but I didn't feel like correcting her. "But if you do see her tomorrow, Edward, try to get her to eat something, would you? All she had today was about 12 cups of coffee. She doesn't eat when she's stressed, and she's too skinny as it is."

"I will, Rose. Thanks for being there for them."

~~ - ~~

Next Day – BPOV

I woke up much later than usual, my mouth dry as a bone.

_Fucking Rose put something in my tea last night to make me sleep, I swear._

Renee was still sleeping, my body curved protectively around hers. I was grateful beyond words that she had slept well last night. Dr. Snow had warned of the possibility of nightmares. But not last night.

I staggered out of bed and drank off two glasses of water to get the sandy feeling out of my mouth. I still felt groggy, despite 10 hours of sleeping like a log. Rose had definitely spiked my tea. _I should go back to bed. I should rest. I should sleep._

I decided to clean the house instead.

Everything was exactly as we'd left it on Saturday night after the housewarming. _Thank God we put the leftovers in the fridge before we went to bed_, I thought as I shuffled into the kitchen and started making coffee. Before I got working, I checked my cell phone. There were three texts from Edward, each one more loving than the last. Guilt and love battled it out in my heart for a few minutes. Love won. I texted him back.

_Keeping Renee home today. Will let you know how things go. Need to clean the house – party mess everywhere! Love you._

His response came a few minutes later.

_Rose said you'd be cleaning. Make sure you have something to eat. I'm staying home in case you need me. Love you more._

Staying home, just in case we needed him. _Edward Cullen, you are something else._

I had finished scrubbing down the kitchen when Renee got up. She ate her way steadily through two plates of chocolate chip pancakes – she hadn't eaten much yesterday and I was glad to see her tucking in. I knew I should eat, but the thought of food was still not working for me. I was always like this after a crisis with Renee. Hell, I was always like this after any crisis. Clean the house and fast. _I should have been Catholic._

"Mommy's going to finish cleaning the house," I said to Renee after breakfast … more like brunch considering it was getting on to 11 a.m. "Can you help me take the laundry downstairs?"

"Mmm-hmmm," said Renee. OK, it wasn't really a word, but it was sound. Yesterday had been an astounding day for Renee, despite the terror she had experienced in the morning. Dr. Snow thought her experience might even help, shaking loose the repressed memory of finding her father's body.

I threw in a load of tablecloths, napkins and dishtowels from the party. Then I continued the cleaning frenzy in the dining room.

Eventually Renee got sick of my cleaning fetish, and abandoned me in favor of the television. By mid-afternoon, I had scrubbed the place from top to bottom, and even repaired the towel rack in the downstairs power room that Emmett and Rosalie had mysteriously broken. I washed that room twice, once with bleach.

I had a monster headache by now, and my whole body ached. But there was one last thing I was determined to do before I quit: Replace that damn light bulb in the staircase ceiling.

Renee watched with interest as I dragged the extension ladder out of the garage and up the stairs. Emmett hadn't been kidding, the thing weighed a ton. I was shaking with exhaustion by the time I got it up to the landing. I went back downstairs and found a light bulb, the kind you only have to replace once a century or something equally ridiculous. I swore I'd move before I did this again. Then it was back up to the landing to set up the ladder. And then up the ladder.

Naturally, the fixture on the ceiling was the kind that required a screwdriver to remove the glass housing. Hands shaking with exhaustion and fear at being up so freaking high, I unscrewed each of the four tiny screws. Put the glass on the top of the ladder. Took out the old bulb. Put in the new one. And very carefully started screwing the glass housing back on.

I got as far as the second screw when the screwdriver slipped. I lurched a tiny bit forward, and made the mistake of looking down.

The staircase below me started to swim. The hardwood floor at the bottom of the stairs was impossibly far away. A sweat broke out over my body, followed by a wave of vertigo. I locked my legs against the ladder to keep my balance, the screwdriver tumbling to the carpeted floor immediately below.

For a moment, I thought I had caught myself.

Then the hardwood floor far below started rushing up at me. I took a wild grab for the top of the ladder with my hand, pulling it toward me. Then everything happened so fast, there was no more time to think.

I fell hard on the third last stair, hearing a sickening snap in my leg as I hit. The pain was instantaneous. After that, I saw a blinding rotation of ceiling, floor, ceiling, floor as my body rolled down the remaining stairs and smashed through the glass cabinet at the bottom. A thousand glass splinters drove into me, and my back went burning hot.

I had a split second of total clarity, lying on my side at the bottom of the staircase in agony. I could hear The Backyardigans theme song playing cheerily in the family room downstairs.

Then I heard the loudest sound I'd ever heard in my life, a terrifying metallic crash that nearly shattered my ear drums.

The ladder. Falling from the staircase landing. Hitting my head.

Then nothing.

_**A/N: I'm halfway through the next chapter which is turning out be the best of the lot so far, in my opinion. Let me know what you think … forgive the cliffee, but you'll see in the next chapter why this is the perfect place to break it. Read and review, you know how motivating your thoughts are!**_

_**I doubt anyone's interested, but the layouts of the houses (Edward's and Bella's) are exact duplicates of my home, and the home of my best friend next door (who is a fabulous phenomenal girlfriend, but alas, is not Edward Cullen). The lightbulb above the staircase is burnt out – it was like that when we moved in and we've never replaced it. And the living and dining room were painted tangerine orange when we moved in. They're a tasteful shade of brown now. Go figure. R&R, darlings.**_


	16. Broken

EPOV

I awoke with a jump. My heart was pounding in my chest, and my skin was clammy.

_What just happened?_

I was lying on my bed, fully dressed on top of the covers, exactly where I had drifted off for a nap not long after lunch. I checked the clock – nearly 3 p.m.

_What was that sound?_

Had I dreamed it? I couldn't hear anything out of the ordinary now, just the muffled sounds of the world going on with its day. Cars going by outside. Voices from the street. The far-away sound of a television set. Nothing unusual.

_So why did I feel like something loud had awakened me?_

I sat up and swung my legs to the side of the bed, trying to calm myself down. My heart was still thundering. I checked my cell phone. Nothing from Bella since her last text just before noon. All quiet on the western front, it seemed. But the uneasy feeling wouldn't go away. I lay back on the bed, trying to relax, but it didn't work. I sat back up, running my hands through my hair.

_Something's wrong. _

The feeling was so strong, it was overwhelming. There was a sound from downstairs, loud enough to set the hair on my neck standing on end. It was the sound of the front door being unlocked. _Who the fuck is IN MY HOUSE?_

Then all hell broke loose.

My front door flew open with tremendous force – I could hear the door knob crunching through the drywall as it crashed wide open. There was the sound of running feet. And then a voice. A voice I had never heard before, but would have known anywhere.

"A-WAHD … HELP!"

The frantic, desperate scream echoed off the walls of the house, and I was on my feet running, flying down the stairs.

_Renee_

I flew down to the main level before Renee had managed to get up the first set of stairs. As I leaped in front of her, I could see her flinch away from me in fear … the memory of yesterday morning still burned in her mind. I could only think of one emotion powerful enough to force her to overcome that kind of fear. To come to get me. _To speak._

"A-wahd … Mommy … help," she sobbed as I snatched her up and pressed her against me, a stream of comforting words pouring out of me. I got to my feet, holding her tight to my chest. With dawning horror, I could see that her little hands were red … covered in blood.

_Bella_

I skidded out the front door, the little pink keychain smeared with blood and still swinging in the lock. I vaulted over the railing and ran through Bella's half-open front door, panic racing through me like a forest fire. Except for the television playing a re-run of The Backyardigans, her house was silent.

"Where is she, Renee? Where's Mommy?" I looked where Renee pointed – to the bottom of the main staircase. There was something there. Something big and metallic. _The ladder_. I took the stairs two at a time, and suddenly I was skidding on the hardwood floor. I was sliding … in blood.

I crushed Renee's face into my shirt, not wanting her to see any more than she already had. Bella lay at the bottom of the staircase in a pool of blood. The side of her head had taken some kind of massive blunt force trauma, and one of her legs lay at a crazy angle. There was glass everywhere; her back and shoulders had been cut to ribbons. A frighteningly large chunk of her hair was stuck to the top of the ladder, about 10 feet from her head. In utter terror, I stepped closer, looking at her neck. I could see her pulse flickering in her throat.

"A-wahd," I could hear Renee moaning against me. _That's my name … Holy Mother of God, she's trying to say my name._

I snatched my phone out of my pocket and dialed 911. Viciously holding the panic down, I gave the operator the address. I detailed Bella's injuries, my eyes glued to her throat to make sure that pulse didn't stop.

"Edward," came the 911 operator's voice, "I need you to help stop the bleeding. Can you see where it's coming from?" _Everywhere_, I felt like saying, but instead, I darted my eyes across Bella's broken body. Some of it came from that nasty head wound; the scalp always bled like crazy. But more of it was pooling under her broken leg. It could see the flow pulsing steadily through her pants.

"Looks like the thigh, right where the bone broke," I croaked into the phone. The operator started talking, but I already knew what I had to do. I had taken emergency first aid and CPR every year since Lily was born. Putting the phone on speaker and tossing it to a clean spot on the floor, I sprinted to the nearest bathroom and grabbed a couple of towels. I shifted Renee on to my back, where she clung with her hands around my neck. Kneeling down in the blood beside Bella, I wrapped one towel around her thigh and the other around my hand. Then, ignoring the sickening movement of the fractured bone, I shoved down ferociously hard on the spot where her life was flooding out of her. I shouted out what I was doing the operator, who told me that paramedics were only a minute away.

It was the longest minute of my life.

"It's OK, Bella. Renee and I are here, and help is on the way. You're going to be OK, sweetie. You're going to be OK. I'm here and I love you." My voice was wavering uncontrollably now, so I stopped talking – I could not lose it with Renee right here.

Despite everything that had just happened, it never even occurred to me to try to put Renee down.

The next thing I knew, a pair of strong gloved hands joined mine, helping staunch the bleeding. I looked up – the paramedics were here.

"Sir, I'm going to take over for you now so you can look after your little girl," said the paramedic in a calm, firm voice. "You've done a terrific job here. You can release the wound now, I've got her." I stared stupidly at my hands, still locked around Bella's thigh. I let go, and staggered back a couple of steps. I reached up and pulled Renee around into my chest again. Someone – I don't know who, there were more people in the house now - gently guided me into the living room, away from where the medics were working over Bella.

"Do you want me to take her?" said a woman in front of me. My eyes focused slowly – it was a cop. And she was reaching for Renee, whose eyes were bugging out in fear.

"NO!" Renee and I both shouted. Her little arms locked even harder around my neck. "Sorry … I'm sorry," I said to the officer. "We're both really shaken up. Could you maybe get me a phone instead?" A moment later, a phone was pressed into my hand. I dialed my father's cell, praying he would pick up. He did - and even better, he was in his car.

"Dad, it's Edward. I need you come to right now. Bella's hurt, 911 is here and I need you." He didn't waste any time on useless questions.

"Five minutes, son. I'm on my way." I could hear him jam on the gas pedal as he hung up. I just stood there, unable to move. The police officer gently removed the phone from my ear after a moment, and got me to sit down on the sofa.

"Edward … your name is Edward, right?" she asked. I nodded. "And who is this little girl?"

"Renee. Renee Black. She's Bella's daughter. Bella Swan," I said numbly. "My name is Edward Cullen." I could see the police officer gesture to another officer to join us. He started writing notes.

"And do you know what happened to Bella, Edward?" I shook my head.

"I live next door. Bella was here with Renee. I know she wanted to change that light bulb up at the top of the staircase…" I stopped for a minute, panic squeezing my throat shut. She had gone up that ladder, all by herself, when she was exhausted. And fallen. It was so far down.

"It's OK. Bella's getting the help she needs right now," soothed the officer. I could hear more people entering the house, and the sound of familiar voice talking in a low, authoritative tone to the paramedics on the scene. The cop turned her attention to Renee, who was still plastered against me. "Renee? Renee, honey, did you see your Mommy fall down? Do you know what happened?" I opened my mouth to explain that Renee didn't talk, but I didn't get far.

"Mommy fall," Renee said. I was so startled by the sound of her voice that it silenced me. It was lower and huskier than I'd expected, her words babyish – a voice and vocabulary that hadn't been exercised properly since she was three. "Mommy … cahwied the latter up. And den … and den big bang. Mommy fall down." Her lower lip trembled. "Mommy dint wake up. Get A-wahd, help Mommy." She buried her face in my shoulder again, tears soaking into my shirt. "A-wahd."

My whole body was shaking, and I realized that tears were running down my face as well. I looked up to see my father standing there, his eyes wide with amazement.

"They're taking her to Richmond General, Edward. I've called ahead," he said. "I'm Carlisle Cullen, Edward's father and one of Renee's consulting physicians," he said to the officers, handing them a piece of identification. "We've got a close friend of the family meeting us at the hospital with information about Bella's next of kin. Here's the patient's wallet." I held on to Renee, crooning wordlessly into her ear. Bella was being lifted on to a stretcher and carried down the stairs. People started to move off purposefully. One of the paramedics not tending to Bella looked at my dad pointedly, but he waved him back.

"Edward, stay right there. Do not try to stand up, son." A few moments later, my mother appeared (_when did she get here?_) with a bag in her hands. "It's probably best if you change before we go to the hospital," she said softly. "Renee, can you come to me while Edward changes his dirty clothes? He'll only be a moment, and then you can go back to him." Esme gently pried Renee off my body, and my father helped me up off the couch. He had a firm grip under my arm as he led me to the bathroom.

"Why is everyone treating me so weird?" I asked, trying to shake off his hand. Suddenly the floor started shifting under my feet, and I felt decidedly unwell. Carlisle got me into the bathroom and held my head as I threw up.

"Because you're in shock, Edward, that's why," he said as he handed me a glass of water. "It took quite a bit for me to convince Anderson that you didn't need to go to the hospital in your own ambulance." He sat me down on the toilet seat lid and pulled off my shirt like I was a little boy again. He tossed it on the floor, and I stared at it. It was covered in bloody handprints. I pulled on the fresh shirt my mother had gotten from my house. "The jeans too, Edward," Carlisle instructed. _Fuck, I was kneeling in blood. Bella's blood._ I retched helplessly at the thought. "Splash some water on your face; it'll help. Then we can go."

I reached out and caught my dad's hand in my freezing fingers. "Dad, is Bella going to be …" I couldn't finish the sentence. He squeezed my hand tightly.

"I don't know for sure, Edward, but you did everything right. If you hadn't gotten here so quickly, if Renee hadn't been able to get help – Bella might not have had a chance. But based on what I saw out there, I think she's make it. She'll probably need surgery for the leg fracture though, and I would expect that she has a skull fracture as well." He held my hand for a little while longer, and then helped me up. "Come on, son. I'll feel better when both you and Renee have been checked out by a doctor."

Esme had managed to change Renee's bloody shirt and had wiped her hands clean by the time we came out. The remaining paramedic checked her over at the same time, making sure she had no injuries. When Renee saw me, she immediately stretched her arms out to me, and I grabbed her up. Carlisle thrust us into the back seat of his car and came back a moment later with a booster seat in his hands. I managed to get Renee off me and into the seat, but I couldn't make my hands work well enough to do the buckles – Esme had to do it instead. She slid in the front seat, and we pulled out.

~~ - ~~

It was several hours before the doctors allowed me to join my family in the private waiting room where they had gathered. I had been checked out from top to bottom, had a couple of bags of fluid pumped into me and my blood pressure taken about a hundred times. Finally Carlisle used his influence to spring me. I was frantic for information. Renee was asleep in Rosalie's lap when I came in the room – it was nearly 10 p.m. and long past her bedtime. Everyone started bombarding me with questions about how I was feeling, which I ignored.

"Dad, how is she? Where is she? I need to see her."

"You can't see her yet, she's just out of surgery. Everything's going to be fine. They've set the leg and given her a transfusion," Carlisle explained, pushing me down into a chair. "She's a got small skull fracture which sounds and looks worse than it is. She'll probably be kept under heavy sedation for a few days to give her body a chance to rest. Just as well, she's going to have a pretty bad headache for a while." I slumped back in my chair, trying to absorb it all. "She'll be OK, Edward. No reason to believe she won't pull through." At his words, my breath came out in a long, hitching sob. _Thank you, God._

My mother took my hand and started rubbing it. Alice, her eyes swollen from crying, sat down beside me and put her arms around me, Jasper rubbing her shoulders behind her. Emmett squatted in front of me, his eyes tearing up a bit.

Renee shifted in Rosalie's arms and opened her eyes. She gazed at Rose drowsily, then looked around. Everyone smiled, anticipation on their faces.

"A-wahd," she whispered when she saw me. She slipped off Rose's lap and climbed into mine. Her arms fastened around my neck, and she snuggled close. "My A-wahd." Renee's voice took on a very possessive tone.

"She's been asking for you for hours," explained Rose, her eyes full of tears. "Bella's not going to believe this when she wakes up."

"Huh. She's not the only one," said a new voice at the door. I looked up to see an older heavy-set man standing there. He had salt and pepper hair and the same brown eyes as Bella. Everything about him screamed 'cop' – and in my case, 'potential future father-in-law.' I tried to remove Renee so I could greet him properly, but she did the spider monkey thing again and wrapped herself around me. "No, don't try to move her. She's like her mother, stubborn as a mule." He walked over to me and extended his hand. "I'm Charlie Swan."

"Edward Cullen. I'm sorry we have to meet under such …" Charlie waved away my words and clasped my hand between his.

"Son, you saved my daughter's life today. I don't think you owe me any apologies." His eyes narrowed for a moment, and he suddenly became potential future father-in-law again. I could just imagine what he was thinking.

"Carlisle and the docs here tell me that Bella wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you. And my beautiful grand-daughter." Charlie's eyes fell on Renee with a look of adoration that changed his whole face. "There aren't words enough for me to thank you, Edward. Not only did you save my daughter's life, but it seems you helped this little angel find her voice again."

"He's an over-achiever," said Alice suddenly, breaking the emotional tension in the room and making everyone laugh.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bella, sir," I said. "Or for Renee. They're both incredibly special to me." _That was the understatement of the year._ "But right now, I think the thing we need to do most is get this one home to bed," I said, shifting Renee in my arms. She was drifting off to sleep again. At the sound of her name, she opened her eyes and peeped out at Charlie.

"Grandpa," she said with a smile. "Grandpa still here. Go fishing?"

"Yes, Grandpa's still here," said Charlie thickly. "We'll go fishing later, dolly. First, let's get some sleep."

~~ - ~~

They allowed Charlie and me a few brief minutes to see Bella in the post-op recovery room, further evidence of my father's influence behind the scenes. I surrendered the sleeping Renee to Rosalie. Like me, Renee had been treated for shock. Unlike me, Renee had handled everything like a champion – apparently I was the only one who puked under pressure. I had wanted to take Renee home with me tonight, but Rose won that argument by pointing out that I was in need of more care than Renee at this point. I had the feeling Rose won a lot of arguments.

Charlie and I walked down the quiet hall to the darkened recovery room. A nurse ushered us in and showed us where Bella was.

She was almost unrecognizable. I knew that would be the case, but it didn't make it any easier. The parts of her that weren't covered in bandages, tubes and stitches were bruised and swollen beyond belief. Both Charlie and I were no strangers to emergency rooms and trauma, but it was much harder when it was someone you loved lying there. We each got a minute to sit by her bedside. Charlie went out in the hall when I was there, which I appreciated. In amongst the wires and tubes, I found her cold fingertips, and I took them in my own, squeezing them.

"I'm here, lovely. You're going to be OK." I brought her fingers up to my lips and kissed them, trying to warm them up. "Renee saved your life, Bella. She's the bravest little girl in the world. You're not going to believe your ears when you wake up." The nurse came over and motioned that my time was up. I laid Bella's hand back on the bed beside her with a last kiss. "I don't ever want to lose you, lovely. Not you or Renee. I want you both to be mine … forever."

A few minutes later, Charlie and I rejoined my family outside. I was dizzy with exhaustion. Only Emmett's support got me to my dad's car without collapsing. Next thing I knew, my brother was half-carrying me out of the car and up the walk.

"Where am I?" I asked stupidly.

"Mom and Dad's house," he replied. "You're staying here tonight. Don't worry, Eddie."

"Don't call me that," I said, the words turning to mush in my mouth as my brother pushed me into my old bedroom and set me down on the bed. He took my shoes off and started to go for my jeans, but I had enough fight left in me to slap him away. I pulled them off myself and tossed them to the side. Emmett covered me with a quilt and then very unexpectedly grabbed my hand and held it tight.

"Love you, bro," he mumbled. Then he switched out the light and closed the door.

I fell asleep instantly. I was safe. We were all safe.

**_A/N: Forgive the long author's note. First, I have to be a mom and remind parents to teach their kids how to dial 911. Even if you just dial the number and then say nothing, 911 will find your location and send help. This works for land lines, of course. It is less reliable with cell phones and VOIP phones. So technically, Renee could have dialed 911 and gotten help for Bella. That's the end of my public service announcement._**

**_Shout out to skaye5880 who accurately predicted a few chapters ago that the "freaking lightbulb" would be Bella's undoing._**

**_I am absolutely in love with this chapter, but the next one is turning out pretty good too. Story is most definitely not over! Big thank you to all those who have left such wonderful reviews - keep 'em coming! I LOVE them and all of you!_**


	17. Awakenings

BPOV

_Bella_

_It's OK, Bella._

_I'm here and I love you._

~~ - ~~

_I don't ever want to lose you, lovely. Not you or Renee. I want you both to be mine … forever._

_Dad's here, Bells. I love you. You're going to be fine. Bells, can you hear me? You're going to be just fine._

~~ - ~~

_It's me, Bella. It's Edward. I'm here. I love you._

_Mommy wake up?_

_No, not yet, sweet pea. She will soon. _

_Love you Mommy._

~~ - ~~

_She's been in a medically induced coma for the last three days. Now we're going to start pulling back on the meds and bringing her back to consciousness. There's no significant swelling in the brain at the fracture site. She's doing extremely well, considering._

Considering what?

Where ….?

~~ - ~~

_Good morning, lovely. The doctors think you might put in an appearance for us today. _

_Mommy, mommy, mommy. Mommy hear me, A-wahd?_

_I think so, Renee. _

_Mommy, I want a doggie. I have doggie?_

_You can ask Mommy that again when she's awake and feeling better. _

_I love Mommy._

_I know. She loves you too, even when she's sleeping._

Where am I?

So thirsty.

~~ - ~~

_Hi Bells, it's Dad. _

Dad …

_You're looking better already. The docs say you're doing great. Better progress than they expected. I told them they don't know how tough my little girl is._

Doctors. What doctors?

_I was thinking when this is all over, you and Edward and Renee can come to Forks for a visit. Maybe during the fall salmon season. Can you believe Edward's never gone fishing before? Don't know what his parents were thinking. Oh well. But they're pretty nice, Carlisle and Esme. So's Edward. And his Lily is something else again. I think you picked a good one there, Bells._

Edward … Renee.

Am I in the hospital? What happened to me?

~~ - ~~

It was dark.

Things started to creep into my awareness very slowly. I could hear a beeping sound above and behind me. Loud and persistent. This was a familiar sound to me, like I had heard it before somewhere.

_It means your IV bag is empty_, my mind supplied helpfully. Oh. Consciousness swam away again.

Another sound. A woman humming above me. I wanted to open my eyes and see who it was. It took a long time to do this, and only one eye would open all the way. The other was stuck at half mast.

In the dim light, I could see a woman in scrubs, working with an IV bag and pole. _A nurse._ I wanted to ask her what was happening, but speaking seemed impossible. I wasn't sure why. I tried clearing my throat to get her attention, but all that came out was a feeble croak. My throat felt dry as dust.

"Well, hello there," the nurse said with a big smile. "It sure is nice to see you awake."

I tried to speak again, but nothing emerged. My body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. Everything was an effort. I would have given just about anything for a drink.

"I'll be right back," the nurse said and vanished. _Was that even real?_ _Did I imagine her?_

Suddenly, she reappeared. I felt something plastic at my lips. A straw. I took a weak sip and was rewarded with water. Some of it fell right back out of my mouth, but I got the rest down with a very painful swallow. The next sip was easier.

"Are you in any pain, honey?" asked the nurse, putting the cup aside.

"No," I rasped.

"Good. That means the medicine is doing its job," she said. "If you feel pain, you push this button right here, OK?" She put a smooth plastic object into my hand. "My name is Rebecca, and I'll be here all night if you need me." I frowned, trying to concentrate. I had to ask her something. What was it?

"Renee," I whispered. Rebecca looked at me for a moment, and then smiled.

"Your little girl?" she asked. "She's just fine. You'll see her in the morning during visiting hours. They visit every day, Renee and that fine man of yours." She rolled her eyes. "I work nights, so I don't get to see him, but the day nurses fight over who gets to look after you so that they can talk to your Edward. But I hear he only has eyes for you, honey."

The darkness was pulling me down again. Whatever she had put in that IV bag was doing its job.

"Gone again, are you? Well, I'm not surprised. You sleep well, honey, I'll be in to see you later tonight."

~~ - ~~

The next time I opened my eyes, it was light. And quiet. I could hear a soft, rhythmic sound beside me, something comforting. I tried to turn my head to see what it was, but that movement caused pain, enough for me to cry out.

Instantly, the noise stopped, and I could hear someone move.

"Bella?" There came the sound of someone standing up, and then suddenly, gloriously, his face was over mine. _Edward._

"Hi lovely," he whispered. The sight of him was overwhelming – all bronze, messy hair and luminous green eyes. It looked like he hadn't shaved for a few days, and I could see his stubble was growing in a little grey.

"Hi," I whispered. I wanted to ask for a drink, but he was already there with the cup before I could say anything. There was an electronic whirring sound, and the head of my bed came up a bit. Edward eased his hand behind my head and held the cup while I drank. It was cool and delicious.

I thought about all the questions I wanted to ask him. Then I realized my eyes were closed. I opened them again, and the light in the room was different.

"Edward?" Again, someone came to my bedside – but this time is was Charlie. "Dad?"

"I'm here, Bells." His hand gripped mine, rough and warm. "It's nice to have you back with us."

"Where's Edward? He was just here …" My dad grinned at me.

"He left a couple hours ago. He'll be back any minute now with Renee." I looked at him, confused. "You're full of morphine, kid. Time moves fast when you're flying high."

"What happened?"

"You took one helluva fall, Bells. Do you remember?" I made a little sound of negation. "Renee told us that you took the ladder upstairs … seems you had a burnt-out light bulb that needed changing? And then she said there was a huge crash and you ended up at the bottom of the stairs with the ladder on top of you. You've got a broken femur – that's your thigh bone. They fixed that with some surgery. And you fractured your skull when the ladder smacked you on the head. Plus you've got all kinds of cuts from the glass cabinet you landed against. You lost a lot of blood, but you're doing much better now." He paused. "You've been here for just over three days now, honey."

I felt dazed, searching my memory for some evidence of what Charlie was telling me. The last thing I remembered clearly was putting a load of laundry in with Renee. I vaguely remembered a very loud sound … the loudest thing I'd ever heard, very close to my head. After that, the only thing I could remember were my dreams … dreams of people having endless conversations in the air around me. Voices.

"Renee was here," I said. "She was … talking?" That didn't make sense. Was that a dream? Charlie looked up at the door and smiled so large I thought his face would crack.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" I could hear small running steps, and then Renee was there in my field of vision.

"Mommy wake up!" she crowed. I tried to lift my arms, but nothing seemed to be cooperating. I settled for a crooked smile.

"Good talking, baby," I whispered. "Who's my girl?"

"Me!" she said, jumping up and down, pointing to her chest. "Me, me, me." I stared at her, wondering if this whole thing was some kind of morphine-fueled dream. My eyes flickered back to Edward and Charlie who were watching me with big smiles. Renee threw her arms around my battered body and laid her head on my stomach. "Mommy wake up, Mommy better now, A-wahd?"

With monumental effort, I moved one arm and put my hand on her head. I couldn't figure out why Renee was trembling so … then I realized it was because I was shaking. I could hear the monitors around me starting to beep rapidly. Charlie and Edward exchanged glances.

"C'mon Renee, let's go tell the nurse that Mommy is awake. I bet they want to come see how she's doing. We can get some juice on the way." Charlie eased Renee off me and carried her out the door. Edward dragged a chair over and sat down beside me, taking my hand.

"I guess that was a little overwhelming for you, wasn't it?" he whispered, his hand gently rubbing mine. "We've had a few days to get used to her talking again." I tried to speak, but only sobs came out. Edward put his hand soothingly against my cheek. "OK, it's OK. I'm here. I love you, Bella. So much."

I leaned into his hand and closed my eyes. The trembling sobs continued for a few moments, and then stopped. I could still hear his voice telling me he loved me as I slipped back into the ocean of morphine.

~~ - ~~

I was moving up in the world … or down, depending on your viewpoint. After four days in the ICU, I was moving to a regular hospital room. All I really wanted was to go home, but that wasn't going to happen yet.

But at least in the main hospital, I would have more freedom, including more visitors. The only people who had been allowed to visit me in the ICU were Charlie, Edward and Renee. Even then, I was pretty sure Renee wasn't supposed to be there – Carlisle had worked his magic once again. But even Carlisle's influence only went so far.

"That looks awful," said Rosalie doubtfully, looking at the tray of hospital food the nurse had set down on my bedside table. But after six days of first nothing and then mush, I was willing to take whatever solid food they were dishing out. I tried the overcooked pasta cautiously. It was awful. Well, in my mind, I knew it was awful. In reality, I was shovelling it down as fast as I could because I was so intensely hungry.

"It's not that bad," I mumbled around my mouthful. Rosalie made a face and went back to reading out loud from the newspaper to me. I hadn't heard news for days.

"Carry me to the bathroom?" I asked plaintively after a while. She flipped me the finger.

"Do I look like Edward, pandering to your every need?" she snorted. "You'll get on those crutches and take your own butt to the bathroom. I'll bring your IV pole and that's it." I grinned at her and together, we made the journey to the bathroom.

I had no cast on my broken thigh – the bone had been clamped in place with a metal rod that would spend the rest of its life in my body. And I had a long stretch of physical therapy ahead of me. The skull fracture was less serious – it was a linear fracture without any brain swelling. The 10 stitches it had taken to close the wound in my scalp weren't terribly comfortable – and I was more upset about the fact that about a third of my hair had been shaved off then I was willing to admit.

Between the surgical scar on my leg and the scars on my back where the glass had sliced me up, I didn't think I'd be wearing a bikini anytime soon – like maybe never. But I was alive, with no permanent damage, and that was what counted most.

~~ - ~~

I spent 10 more days in the hospital recovering. I had a lot of visitors – my room was overflowing with stuffed bears, baskets of cookies and flowers. But nothing could have prepared me for the visit I received on the second last day of my stay. I had woken from a nap in the afternoon, and I could hear the sound of someone shifting in the bedside chair. I turned to see who had joined me while I slept.

It was Tanya.

I stared at her for a moment. I immediately felt like a hag – her blonde perfection looked all the more shining beside me with my half-shaved head and broken body.

"Hello," she said tentatively when she saw I was awake. "I'm sorry if I startled you. I just wanted to come by to see how you are doing."

"That's very … kind of you," I stammered, trying to smooth my tangled hair and arrange myself into some semblance of tidiness. "I … um …" I took a deep breath and tried again. "I'm surprised that you're here," I finally said, figuring directness would be the best approach with Edward's ex-wife. I was right.

"So am I," she admitted with a chuckle. "Don't worry – I'm not here to make trouble. I just want to start things off on the right foot between you and me. I think we're probably going to be part of each other's lives from now on, and it's best for everyone involved if we get along."

"I'd like that too," I said, impressed by her honesty. "I also want you to know that it is not my intention to replace you in Lily's life." I could see her flinch a little when I said that – I guess I wasn't the only one with insecurities. "You and Edward are great parents to Lily. That doesn't change just because …" I let the sentence drop unfinished. I had no idea what the future held for Edward and me – I just knew that we'd be together.

"Thank you," she said in a low voice. "That means a lot to me. Lily's very fond of you, you know." Lily was one of my most enthusiastic visitors on the days she was with Edward. "I think as long as our goal is to keep the kids' needs first and foremost, we should be fine." She paused a moment. "It may not be easy or comfortable all the time, but we should be fine."

"Then we're on the same page," I said. There was a long silence.

"You're better for him than I ever was," Tanya said suddenly. "He should have married someone like you in the first place."

"If he had met and married me 10 years ago, then there would be no Lily. And no Renee," I said. "I can't imagine a world without my daughter in it, and you probably feel the same way." She nodded. "This is the hand we've been dealt. I appreciate that you're willing to make the most of it for the sake of our daughters."

She nodded and smiled at me, rising gracefully to her feet. I figured Tanya had never fallen off a ladder and rolled down a set of stairs.

"Be well, Bella. I guess I'll see you soon." And she left the room, heels clicking on the tiled floor. I watched her go in silence. I felt a mixture of jealousy, awe and satisfaction. I wondered if she felt the same way.

~~ - ~~

Edward took the next day off work to bring me home. If I'd had my way, I would have hobbled out on the spot, but hospital administration had its own plans. We ended up waiting in my room for nearly two hours for the discharge paperwork to be signed. All my things were packed, and I lay in Edward's lap on the bed, my bad leg carefully supported by pillows. He took my hand and traced his fingers along my palm and up my wrist. Then he kissed the same trail that his fingers had taken.

For the first time since the accident - even doped to the gills with pain medication – I could feel my body react to his touch. Desire came bubbling up past the dulling effects of the drugs, and I shivered against him.

"Cold?" he said instantly, putting his arm around me and reaching for a blanket at the end of the bed.

"No," I said shyly. "I guess I'm getting better." His eyes widened as he took in my blush.

"Remember what your doctor said – absolutely no strenuous activities other than physical therapy for the next four weeks. I'm afraid you're a little too fragile yet for 'you know', Ms Swan," he whispered in my ear. I blushed harder and snuggled up to him.

"Better tell my sex drive that," I whispered back. Edward took my hand and dropped a warm – if entirely too chaste – kiss on my mouth.

"I love you," he said. Then he paused, suddenly hesitant. "There's something I wanted to ask you about. Something you said when you told me about Jacob's death …" I looked at him, puzzled. "You said … you said that sometimes love isn't enough," he said softly, looking down at our intertwined hands.

"Yes, I remember that," I replied.

"I wanted to know ... if you felt any differently about that, after what happened to you last week."

"I'm not quite sure you mean, Edward." He took a deep breath, and I could see he was struggling with his emotions.

"When Renee came to get me that day … the day you got hurt … she was terrified when she first saw me. And it wasn't just because of what had happened to you. The sight of me, so soon after the memory of her father's death had resurfaced, was incredibly frightening for her." I squeezed his hand tighter, thinking about what both Edward and my daughter had gone through that day. "But she overcame her fear. Her fear of me, her fear of talking … everything.

"Don't you think that, just maybe, this time, love really _was_ enough? Enough to save you?" My breath caught a little at his words.

I didn't answer him at first. Then I turned and caught his beautiful face, bringing it down to me. I captured his lips with mine and kissed him – not at all chastely – for a long time. Then I drifted my mouth over to his ear.

"Yes." I whispered. I could feel his lips curve against my cheek in a smile, and he pulled me back to his mouth for more.

And that's where the nurse found us a few minutes later when it was time to go home ...

_**A/N: Altogether now ... awwwww. I know, fluffy. **__**But I wanted that particular loose end tied up since it bothered Edward that night when Bella said that love wasn't always enough. **_

_**I've based Bella's experience under the influence of morphine on my own. I spent three days in the hospital on morphine and whoo boy, was I flying! Most sleep I'd gotten since my daughter was born. **_

_**I keep thinking the story is over, but B&E are insisting that it's not. Bella has some very special physical therapy ... of the lemon variety ... coming up in the next two chapters. **_

_**Bring on the reviews ... I love your ideas and guesses about what comes next. Plus, it would be fun to get 100 reviews on my very first story! **_


	18. Seducing Mr Cullen

_**A/N: Naughty sexy Bella time! Plus I took this opportunity to pick on Mike Newton a bit. **_

BPOV

I was in agony. Sweat dripped from my chin, and the muscles in my leg were shaking uncontrollably. There was no way I could survive this.

"Two more, Bella, come on. You've got this." I wanted to curse my physical therapist almost as much as I wanted to fall to the floor in a sweaty heap. Instead, I grit my teeth and pulled my leg up once more, bringing the weights up with it. Trembling, I lowered them, careful not to smash the plates together. "One more, baby, you're almost there." I grunted loudly with the effort of the last leg lift. When I was done, I just lay there on the bench, panting.

"You are awesome, gorgeous," said my therapist, pumping his fist beside me. I wanted to pump my fist right into his blandly good looking face.

"Thanks, Mike," I groaned. My physical therapist, Mike Newton, was exceedingly good at what he did. But he drove me nuts sometimes with his jock persona. Plus I was starting to have suspicions that he harbored feelings for me that went beyond professional.

"C'mon Bella, let's stretch out." He went to work with too much enthusiasm for my liking, leaning in too close on some of the stretches. He gripped my bad thigh and pushed it back, stretching out the muscle. My eyes nearly popped out of my head when I could see he was sporting wood in his spandex. _That's so disgusting._

After an interminable cool down with way too many accidental touches to my boobs, Mike squatted beside me. His eyes crawled over my sweaty body, and I decided to teach this kid a lesson in respect. I sat up and twisted my torso, 'accidentally' smacking him in the crotch with my elbow. It wasn't a gentle tag either. Suddenly Mike was rolling around on the mat beside me, moaning in agony.

"Whoops, sorry about that," I said, as I pulled myself to my feet. "See you Monday, Mike." He gave me a weak wave goodbye as he lay there, clutching his package. _Enjoy your boner now, dickhead_.

I was still enraged as I hobbled into the shower. By the time I got out, I was realizing that I had probably over-reacted a bit. By the time Rose picked me up outside, I was having a full-blown attack of guilt. We started driving home, and I wallowed in misery, picking at my sweatpants moodily.

"You going to tell me what's wrong, or do I have to guess?" asked Rose finally.

"I smacked my therapist in the balls," I mumbled, turning red. Rose busted out laughing.

"That Mike guy who keeps groping you and leering at your tits?" she shrieked in delight. I made a face and nodded. "Good for you, he deserved it."

"No, he didn't," I sighed. "Not that what Mike has been doing is right – he shouldn't be groping any of his patients. But I should have just told him that he was acting inappropriately. Not bag-tagged him." The flush in my face got hotter, and I was suddenly struggling to hold back tears. Rose stopped laughing and looked at me more closely. "Watch the road, for Christ's sake," I snapped.

"Uh-huh," she said, turning her attention back to driving. We got back to my place in record time. Rose offered me her arm going up the stairs, but I waved it off. I sat down in the living room and hauled my aching leg up on the couch. Rose went into the kitchen and came back with two steaming mugs of tea. Then she sat down and stared at me.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Besides the fact that I'm still recovering from a broken leg? That I look like a freak with my hair only two inches long on one side of my head? That I'm ugly and clumsy and …" My words were swallowed up in sobs as self-pity consumed me. Rose was on the couch with her arms around me in a flash. I buried my face in her shoulder and just let it out. When my tears had subsided, Rose went into the bathroom and came back with a box of tissues. I blew my nose and had a sip of tea.

"You want to tell me what's really wrong, honey? Because I don't think this has much to do with your skeevy trainer," she asked, her blue eyes boring into me. "You only cry when something is really hurting you." I took a deep breath and nodded. I had to tell someone.

"It's Edward," I whispered. Rose cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Edward? The guy who carries you up and down the stairs at will? Makes dinner for you at every opportunity? Refuses to let you lift so much as a finger in his presence for fear you'll strain a muscle? _That_ Edward?"

I nodded mournfully. "That's the problem, Rose. He won't let me _do_ anything. He treats me like I'm about to snap in half at any moment." I was mortified by what I was about to tell her, but I had to do it. "Rose … he won't have sex with me," I blurted out. "I mean, we haven't … since the accident. Even though the doctor told us that we could … more than two weeks ago. And I am just dying for it … for him." I flushed bright red, unable to look at her. The silence spun out between us, and I risked a peek up at her.

Rose was sitting in front me, her face frozen, looking like a deer in the headlights. Looking as uncomfortable as hell.

"I'm sorry," I stammered. "I shouldn't have … I mean, you don't need to know … " My face was scarlet now, and the tears starting to bubble over again. You would think after all the times I had listened to Rosie's sexual woes that she'd be willing to return the favor for me, but it would seem I was wrong.

"No … NO!" shouted Rose, seeing the humiliation on my face. "Whatever you're thinking, Bella, it's not that. It's just that …" She grabbed my hand. "You are my best friend, my true sister by choice. You know that, right?" I nodded. "And through some crazy twist of fate, we've ended up dating brothers. Which means that sometimes, we're going to know stuff … hear stuff … about each other that we normally wouldn't." I looked at her in confusion.

"I know what Edward's problem is," she said rapidly in a low voice. "Emmett told me, but he made me swear not to tell you. But I'm going to break that promise because I love you, and you need to know. Besides, it was a stupid promise to make because I tell you everything anyway." Rose looked over her shoulder like Emmett was about to pop out from behind a doorway and catch us. Irrationally, I did the same thing.

"You remember last Saturday, Edward was driving you nuts hanging around the house, so you sent him to play golf with Emmett?" I nodded, remembering it well. Edward had followed me from room to room, wincing every time I put weight on my bad leg. After a while, I had started to feel claustrophobic, and ordered him out to enjoy the day on the course with his brother.

"They came home afterwards and got reallydrunk," Rose said. "And Edward told Emmett that he wants you – desperately – but he won't try because he's so afraid of hurting you." Rose's words came out in a rush, and it took me a minute to figure out what she had said.

"He wants me?" I asked faintly. Rose snorted in amusement.

"You nut. Anyone who comes within 10 miles of you two knows that he wants you. He absolutely adores you. How you've managed to miss out on that is beyond me. He's just all wrapped up in this over-the-top protector role he's been taking with you since the accident." I sat there, dazed. "I mean, think about it. He was the one who found you – well, Renee found you – but Edward called 911, administered emergency first aid and watched while the ambulance guys carted you off on a stretcher. The image of you lying on the floor bleeding to death is still pretty fresh for him."

"But I'm better now. And I've told him that I want to make love, but he just shushes me and says that I need to …" I trailed off, realization dawning in my eyes.

"… focus on getting myself better and not think about his needs," finished Rose for me. I stared at her in amazement – that was _exactly_ what Edward had told me the first night I had tried to initiate sex with him. "Emmett said he kept saying that over and over. He didn't seem to get it when Emmett suggested that maybe _you_ had needs in that department as well."

I took a long shuddering breath and squeezed Rose's hand. "I should have known he'd take this point of view," I said. "It's just so … so …"

"Edward," said Rose helpfully. I nodded.

"Well, I'll just have to talk to him when he gets home tonight," I rubbed my temples. "I am so not looking forward to _that_," I muttered under my breath.

"Hmmmm … then why not try something you will look forward to?" said Rose with a sly smile. "Why don't you try seducing him instead?"

Of course, I blushed when she said that. But it was the kind of blush that went through my entire body … the idea of luring Edward back into bed – now that I knew he still wanted me – was appealing. Actually, the idea of anything that would result in me having sex with Edward again was appealing.

"I don't know if I'm the most seductive person in the world, Rose," I mumbled. "I'm not that good at stuff like that."

"But I am," she said gleefully. "So let's get started planning …"

~~ - ~~

"Edward?"

"Yes, lovely?"

"Would you mind if I spent Friday with Rose instead of you? We want to do a spa day, and Friday is her only free day this week." I could see Edward's face fall a little with disappointment. Since I'd left the hospital, I rarely spent a day alone – between Rose, Alice, Esme, Carlisle and Edward, someone was usually available to babysit me during the day. Not that I really needed it, but it made Edward feel better to know I wasn't alone in the house during my recovery.

Friday was Edward's regular day … he had made an arrangement with his boss to take Fridays off until I was able to return to work.

"Well, sure honey, whatever you want," he said, a little too late to be believable. "A spa day with Rose sounds really nice, yeah, you should do that."

"Thanks," I said sweetly. "We'll be home after dinner."

~~ - ~~

"Alice, it's Bella."

"Hi!" chirped Alice. "Don't tell me you're calling to cancel tomorrow. Thursday is _our_ day together."

"I know it's our day, and I'd really, really like to … go shopping with you." I held the phone away from ear as Alice squealed in delight.

"That's fantastic," she said, calming down. "Did you have somewhere in mind?"

"Yes," I said. "I've got some very specific places in mind. But you have to promise you'll keep this a secret …"

~~ - ~~

"Edward?"

"Mmmmm?" he murmured, his nose buried in my hair as I leaned back against him on the couch.

"Sorry to be a party pooper, but I think I'm off to bed." I slid out of his arms, stretching and yawning. It was Thursday night, barely 9 p.m. Renee had only gotten to sleep a few minutes earlier, and Edward was clearly looking forward to our nightly cuddle – chaste, of course – on the couch. My heart constricted at the sad look on his face, but Rose had emphasized the necessity of getting a good night's sleep. If all went well, I wouldn't be getting much sleep tomorrow night.

"Why don't you head home?" I said off-handedly. The look on Edward's face progressed from hurt to shock. He slept in my bed every night that he didn't have Lily. "You should get a good night's sleep in your own bed for once."

"Um … sure, OK," he mumbled, switching off the television and following me out of the room. I let him carry me up the stairs to the bedroom. He lowered me to the bed and gave me a light kiss goodnight. Before he could pull away, I caught the back of his head and brought him back to me. I kissed him slowly, tracing my tongue around the perfect shape of his mouth. Edward moaned, letting his control lapse for a moment as I licked at his lower lip with the very tip of my tongue. For a minute, I thought I might get what I was looking for tonight, but Rose had me on a very strict schedule.

I pulled back from the kiss with a calm smile. "Goodnight, Edward," I said, slipping out from underneath him, deliberately brushing my hips against the bulge in his pants. He let out an audible gasp, but I pretended I didn't hear him. I walked to the bathroom, and closed the door, not looking back.

~~ - ~~

Friday night arrived … finally. I heard the front door slam as Edward came into the house at his usual time.

"Bella? Renee?" he called.

"Upstairs in the bathroom," I replied. I could hear Edward's feet on the stairs and a moment later, he came into the bedroom. He paused, and then poked his head into the bathroom. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing as his green eyes nearly popped out of his head.

The bathroom lights were off, and the room was lit with freesia-scented candles. A new white silk nightgown was hanging on the door, with pretty matching lingerie on the counter. I was in the soaker tub which was overflowing with sweet-smelling bubbles. I had one foot up on the edge of the tub, bubbles sliding slowly down my freshly waxed and polished skin. My toenails were painted a shimmery pink. There were two glasses of sparkling wine on the counter. My hair was piled up on top of my head, with just enough of it cascading down to cover the patch that was shorter than the rest.

"Hi," I said simply. Edward just stared. "Edward?"

"Oh … hi," he finally managed.

"I had such a wonderful day at the spa that I decided to have a nice bath while I waited for you," I said. "Would you like a drink? The one closest to you is champagne. Mine is sparkling grape juice." I was still taking medication for pain, so I avoided alcohol. Edward picked up his glass of champagne and took a long swallow. He continued to stare at me over the rim of his glass. "How was your day, honey?" I asked him.

"Um … it was … good," he said. I shifted in the water, allowing the tips of breasts to surface above the bubbles. They hardened instantly in the cooler air; seeing the rapidly growing bulge in Edward's jeans didn't hurt either. "We had some … uh … proposals in for a new … um … line of funding …" There was a pause as he shifted from one foot to the other, trying to find a more comfortable position without adjusting himself in front of me.

"That sounds interesting," I cooed. "Rose and I had a wonderful time at the spa. I got a massage – so relaxing. And I got waxed. Rose talked me into getting my bikini done. Would you like to see?" Before he could get answer, I braced myself and stood up. Miraculously, I did it without falling and might even have appeared graceful.

I stood naked in front of him, bubbles cascading down my body. Like a magnet, Edward's eyes went down to the apex of my thighs. I'd had the esthetician leave a landing strip up the center … I knew Edward liked my curls.

"Do you like?" I asked softly. His nod was a bit frantic. I could see his erection straining at his jeans, and the sight of it made me incoherent with desire for him.

"Yes, lovely. I like it a lot," he sighed. I held out my hand, and he helped me step out of the tub. I turned and bent over to pull out the plug, taking my time and giving him a full view. Sweat had broken out on his brow the time I turned back. If it hadn't been so incredibly erotic, I would have been on the floor laughing by now.

"Towel me off?" I asked in an innocent voice, gesturing to a pile of brand new fluffy white towels on the counter. He held one in his outstretched arms, and I stepped into it. Very gently, he started drying me off, beginning with my shoulders and back. I bit back a moan as he kissed the scars on my shoulders. He ran the towel down over my bottom and the backs of my legs until he was kneeling on the floor.

"Turn around, lovely," he said in a low voice. Dry-mouthed, I did as he commanded. He ran the towel up one leg and then the other. I held my breath as he brushed softly over my mound and up my belly to my breasts. He lovingly wiped me off, the feeling of the terry cloth rubbing against my nipples nearly driving me insane. I rose up on my toes and kissed him chastely on the mouth.

"Thank you," I whispered into his lips. Then I reached around him to pick up my new lingerie.

_This is the most important part,_ Rose had drilled into me. _You absolutely must get dressed in front of him. Don't ask me why, but it drives men crazy to watch women put _on_ sexy lingerie. I think it's because they almost never see us do it. The more you cover up, the more they think about what's underneath. Just try not to let him rip it when he takes it off you – that stuff's expensive. _Rose was nothing if not practical.

I shook out the little white lace panties, and stepped into them. I pulled them up very slowly in front of him, running my hands over my bottom when I was done to smooth them into place. Edward was very close to me, still holding the damp towel, and I could actually hear his heart hammering in his chest.

I slipped the straps of the tiny lace bra over my shoulders, and reached behind to do the hooks up, one by one. I put my hands over my half-naked breasts and shimmied them into place. My fingers trailed over nipples, making them harden further. I let out a little sigh of pleasure. Edward clamped his hands on the edge of the bathroom counter and started breathing through his mouth.

_This had better work._ I picked up the floor length while silk peignoir and let it flutter down over my body. The fine fabric slid over my skin, showing off my cleavage and now painfully hard nipples. I took a drink of my sparkling juice, put down the glass, and turned my back on him as I strolled back into the bedroom, hips swinging.

I didn't make it halfway to the bed.

In three long strides, Edward was out of the bathroom, his strong arm wrapped around my chest. His mouth found my ear, his breath coming in gasps.

"Do you have _any_ idea what you just did to me in there?" he whispered harshly. I took a small step backward and pressed my rump against his iron-hard erection.

"Yes, I have a fairly good idea," I whispered back. He growled into my ear and turned me around, his lips crashing down on mine. His tongue furiously pushed my lips open, and he plundered my mouth. I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him back with equal force. He pushed his hard length against my belly. But in the next instant, he let me go so quickly, I nearly tumbled over backward.

"I can't do this … I'm going to hurt you," he said in a low voice, taking a step backward. "You just got out of the hospital, Bella. It's too soon." I stepped forward until I was back in his arms.

"Yes, I was in the hospital. But now I'm out. And I'm healed," I said firmly. "You are not going to hurt me. I won't let you – and you won't let yourself do it either. Now come here." I tugged him to the bed and started unbutton his shirt. "Shhhh," I said, putting one finger over his lips. "I promise we won't do anything that could cause me pain. If you're scared for me at any point, just say so, and we will stop. OK?" He nodded, his eyes wild with desire. I peppered a line of kisses down his chest, and made short work of his jeans. A moment later, he was standing in front of me in nothing but his shorts. I ran one finger down the outline of his heavy penis, and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

I got into bed and held my arms to him. Edward lay down beside me, his mouth capturing mine. Then I was lost in his kisses, his lips traveling down my throat and into my cleavage.

"Oh God," he moaned. "You're so beautiful in this stuff," he said, gathering a handful of silk in his hands. "But I can't wait to get it off you." He slid the peignoir off me, leaving me in just a few scraps of lace. "So beautiful," he murmured, removing my bra. He slid his hands down my body, removing the last piece of fabric. He tossed his boxers to the side. He knelt down beside me, his face troubled.

"I don't know how to do this without hurting you," he said in shaky voice. "If I even have time to hurt you - I'll probably only last about a minute." I pulled him down beside me and stroked his forehead, smoothing away the crinkles.

"I think I'm in the same state you are," I said with a smile. "So let's have a little fun first, and worry about how long it lasts on the second round." With that, I turned around and slid down beside him until my head was at his hips. I peeked up at him. "See? I'm just lying on the bed. No strain on my leg." It was the last coherent statement either of us made for a while as I leaned over and slid his achingly hard cock into my mouth. Edward lifted my good leg and put it up on his shoulder, then buried his face in my drenched folds.

It was hot, it was wonderful … and it was fast. Before I knew it, Edward's cock was jerking in my mouth, his balls getting tighter with every thrust. I relaxed my throat and let him ram all the way into me. He let out an agonized cry of relief and blew his load into my mouth. Moments later, I tightened my thighs around his head and screamed with pleasure as my orgasm raced through my body.

We lay there, gasping for breath.

"Jesus … we were both … so loud," panted Edward. "Did we wake up Renee?" I crawled back up to his side and nestled into him.

"She's not here," I said seductively in his ear. "She's with Rose and Emmett tonight. Tomorrow night, she's with Jasper and Alice. We've got the whole weekend to ourselves, no kids." Edward flopped back onto the pillows, stunned, and pulled me in with him.

"Tell me something," he murmured. "That little stunt you pulled in the bathroom. Was that planned? Did you actually do all that just to lure me into bed?"

"Yes, it was planned," I said with a smile. "And I plan to keep you here in bed with me for the entire weekend," His face froze with concern. "Don't worry," I soothed. "What we did just now – I didn't do anything that concerned you, did I?" Edward shook his head. "So don't worry … I've got this." I ran my fingers over his lips and along his jaw. "I've missed you so much."

"I missed you too … more than you can imagine," he whispered, catching my fingers and squeezing them.

"Oh, I can imagine quite a bit," I retorted. We both laughed.

I brushed my fingers across his lips, letting them slip into his mouth one by one. He sucked hungrily on them, sending darts of pleasure down my body. I replaced my fingers with my mouth, and we kissed for a long time.

Edward's lips left mine and ran down my neck, tasting and nipping as he went. He licked down my chest and then cupped one breast, nuzzling my nipple with his nose. Then he pulled it into his mouth, suckling greedily. I arched my back and cried out, feeling the pleasure all the way down in my clit every time he sucked on my flesh.

"You love that, don't you?" he growled against me.

"Yes," I answered, pulling away from him and lapping at his nipple. "And so do you, I believe." I let my teeth graze over his sensitive flesh, eliciting a loud moan from him. I moved across and gave his other nipple similar attention.

"Uhhhnnn, Bella," he cried as I teased him relentlessly with my tongue. His hands came up and covered my breasts, rubbing them hard all over. He captured both my nipples in his fingers and pinched them roughly. I couldn't restrain a shriek of delight. Edward ran one hand down over my ribs and stomach to my bikini line, where he danced his fingers over my newly exposed skin.

"Feels nice," he said teasingly, tracing my bare skin. "So soft, so smooth." His finger slipped into my dripping slit, running up my core to my bundle of nerve endings at the top. "Does that feel good?"

"Yes," I panted, rubbing myself against him. I reached down and clasped his penis in my hand. He was rock hard and ready to go again. "I want you inside me so bad," I gasped.

"Eager tonight, are we?" he murmured in ear.

"Yes," I moaned. "Very." I took my hand off his cock for a moment, rolled over so my back was toward him and pushed my bottom against his pelvis. Then I reached between my legs and pulled his length up against my slippery flesh. He caught his breath as I rubbed his tip from the top of my wet folds slowly back to my entrance. I positioned him right there and rubbed my backside against him invitingly.

With a groan, he pushed his tip into my wet opening, letting it slide in just a little. Carefully taking my hips in his hands, he began to push himself slowly into my body until he was pressed completely up against me.

"Does it feel good?" I asked, rolling my hips back a little so that he sank even deeper inside me.

"Oh God, yes," he breathed. "Bella, you're so wet. And warm." His hand slid over my hip and slipped down between my thighs, gently stroking my clit. I gasped in pleasure. "I love you so much, baby," he said through clenched teeth as he started to thrust.

"Love you too," I breathed. Edward slid in and out, his fingers never losing contact with my wet skin. I was writhing in pleasure in no time, pushing back hard on his cock to get him deeper into me. With a little cry of ecstasy, I came around him. Edward stopped moving for a moment to keep himself from exploding. After a few moments, he started again, his hard cock pushing deeper, striking parts of me far inside that set off a rising tide of pleasure like I'd never felt before.

He let his hand drift down to where were connected, his fingers moving around the base of his penis, feeling the walls of my entrance wrapped snugly around him. Then he came back up to my clit, rubbing me as he drove hard into me. Edward's strokes started to get uneven, and I knew he was close. I put my hand over his and pushed his fingers down hard against my clitoris. With a wild gasp, he released his seed into me as I erupted in another orgasm. After a few minutes, he pulled out, warm semen spilling on to my leg. I could feel him freeze in sudden alarm.

"Bella … I forgot to use protection. Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I just got so carried away …" I rolled over and kissed him.

"Don't worry," I said. "I had it taken care of at the hospital. We're all good. Unless you have a dirty little secret from your past you need to tell me." Edward blushed and shook his head. "No? Me neither. Clean as a whistle, inside and out."

He gathered me softly into his arms, and kissed me. "Thank you," he said.

"For what?"

"For this. For helping me understand that you're not as breakable as I thought you were. And for doing it in such an irresistible way." I kissed him again, letting my tongue drift against the corner of his mouth.

"My pleasure," I said softly.

Apparently it was his too. He woke me up twice in the night to prove it to me.

_**A/N: We get Edward's point of view in the next chapter! Sweet, sexy Edward getting seduced by naughty, sexy Bella …**_


	19. Seduced by Ms Swan

_**A/N: Go ahead, ask me how much work I got done today. Not much. **_

_**The lovely Moxi asked me what Bella did to look after her birth control at the hospital. Just to clarify, she didn't get her tubes tied. And for anyone hoping for an unplanned Bella/Edward pregnancy in this story – sorry, not going to happen. At 37, I don't think she should be on the Pill, so Moxi suggested an IUD. That's our story and we're sticking with it, folks.**_

EPOV

"_Edward ... I can't wait any more. Please ..." Bella trembled under my hands as I pulled my face out from between her thighs. __Flipping her over on to her hands and knees, I grabbed her hips and pushed into her in one motion. She wet, dripping wet, and so warm. Bella buried her face in the pillow as I pounded into her, my orgasm barrelling down on me. I could see her put her own fingers between her legs to stroke herself to a climax. We came together, pleasure rolling over us in waves...._

Biting my lip to keep quiet, I came so hard that I had to brace myself against the wall beside me to hold myself up. I gasped silently for air, my whole body shaking with relief.

I really wanted to stay here and go for a repeat ... I honestly thought I was horny enough that I could manage it. But I had a meeting in half an hour, and I needed to get ready. Adjusting myself and giving my head a shake, I stepped out of the stall, washed my hands and strolled back through the office.

_Don't mind me, folks. I'm just so sexually wound up that I have to jerk off in the __men's room at the office every single day after lunch to make it through the day._

I had never been this frustrated in my life. I don't even think my teenage years were this bad – but as a teenager, I had never been wildly in love with a beautiful, fragile girl who was too stubborn to realize that she needed a decent amount of time to recover from a horrific accident.

Every time I closed my eyes, I could see Bella's broken body at the bottom of the stairs, blood pouring from her femoral artery. I had had nightmares about it every night she had been in the hospital – dreams in which I didn't find her in time. All the nightmares ended the same way – with me holding Bella's lifeless body in a pool of blood.

The nightmares stopped when Bella came home from the hospital, and I could sleep with her in my arms again. Safe. Protected.

Since she had gotten home, Bella had been predictably stubborn about pushing her recovery forward. She hated to be dependent on anyone, so she was engaged in a very aggressive rehab program. Incredibly, her orthopedic surgeon was actually in _favor_ of Bella's lack of caution. Even Carlisle was on board with this insanity, saying it was essential that Bella push the envelope if she wanted to be back on feet for the winter session of school.

None of them had had to hold on to Bella's leg with all their strength t to keep her life from splashing out on the floor. None of them had felt her broken bone moving against their hands. _Fuck them_ – I was doing this my way.

At first, giving up sex wasn't a hardship (no pun intended), especially compared to what she had been through. I was a bit uncomfortable, and I had taken to jerking off every other night or so, but it was entirely manageable.

It had never occurred to me that Bella might want to start having sex again so soon after the accident, even when her insufferable doctor said it was safe to do so. Surely she was in too much pain ... or on too much medication ... or just too tired at the end of the day?

Not a chance...

Instead, she climbed into bed that night wearing one of my t-shirts and nothing else, and wrapped her gorgeous body around me. And started whispering in my ear exactly how horny she was, how she had been dying for me for days, and could we get started making up for lost time right now please?

It was difficult to argue about staying focused on her recovery with a boner the size of the Space Needle in my underwear. Bella just didn't understand how important it was for her to give herself time to recover.

Apparently, my dick didn't understand either. By the end of that week, I was jerking off every night. And now I was doing it at work too.

_This is nuts._

_This __is necessary._

Even Emmett didn't see the seriousness of the situation. We spent last Saturday golfing –Bella was concerned that I was spending too much time looking after her, so she kicked me out of the house to golf with Emmett. It had been a rare sunny fall day, and my brother and I both loved to golf. My game was shit, of course, because my concentration was lousy. Emmett killed me on the back nine.

"Drinks are on you, Eddie," he crowed as we entered the clubhouse.

"Don't call me that," I said automatically. "Get a pitcher of whatever they have on tap, would you? Better make it two."

By dinner, both of us were bombed, and Emmett had to call Rose to come get us because there was no way either of us could drive.

"Edward, you're being an over-protective idiot," Emmett said when I was bemoaning my newfound state of abstinence. "The doc says it's OK to do it. Bella's waving a green flag in your face – hell, she's smacking you over the head with it. So what's the deal?"

"You don't understand, Emmett," I said, burying my hands in my hair in agitation. "You didn't see the x-ray. The bone snapped right in half! There's a big ass metal rod in there now – she'll be setting off airport security monitors for the rest of her life. You really think it's a good idea for me to just climb up on top of her and start pounding away?" Emmett's eyes glazed over for a moment, and I recoiled. "No! Stop! I take it back, don't think about that!"

"Sorry," he said with a wolfish grin. "OK, so the two of you don't need to go at it like wild monkeys. I'm just saying you should give her a little loving if she's asking. Or don't you want her?"

"Of course, I want her Emmett! We're still in the honeymoon phase of our relationship ... all I can think about is how badly I want her. I'm sporting wood 24/7. I'd give just about anything to make love to her – anything _except_ put her recovery in jeopardy. I won't do that," I said, finishing my beer. "Right now, Bella needs to focus on getting herself better and not think about my needs."

"Yeah, but what about her needs? Or don't you think she has any of her own?" Emmett asked, but I left to order another pitcher.

I would keep her safe. Even if it meant I had to whack off three times a day in the men's room at work.

~~ - ~~

It was an off-custody week for me so I could sleep at Bella's, which made me feel marginally better. On Wednesday, I made dinner for me, Bella and Renee while they played together. Bella didn't look well – her eyes were red-rimmed, as if she had been crying. I wondered if that douchebag physical therapist of hers at the gym was bugging her again. God, how I wanted to break that guy's arm.

Friday was my regular day at home with Bella – I had arranged it with my boss for the next several weeks. I would talk to Bella about things then, see if I could find out what the problem was.

"Edward?"

"Yes, lovely?"

"Would you mind if I spent Friday with Rose instead of you? We want to do a spa day, and Friday is her only free day this week." I tried not to let the disappointment show on my face. It hurt my ego a bit that she wanted to spend the day at the spa with Rose more than she wanted to be with me.

"Well, sure honey, whatever you want," I said unconvincingly. "A spa day with Rose sounds really nice, yeah, you should do that."

"Thanks," she said sweetly. "We'll be home after dinner."

~~ - ~~

On Thursday night, Bella was exhausted from shopping with my sister all day. _Since when did Bella allow Alice to drag her all over the mall?_ I would be talking to Alice about this for sure – Bella needed rest, not shopping expeditions. The worst part was that I'm sure Bella didn't enjoy herself – she didn't even buy anything.

I was still irritated with Alice when Bella came downstairs from putting Renee to bed, yawning. We settled down on the couch to watch a little television and cozy up.

"Edward?"

"Mmmmm?" I murmured. I was nuzzling her hair, inhaling its fresh clean scent. Bella was leaning against me, although I managed to keep a space between her and my hard-on at all times.

"Sorry to be a party pooper, but I think I'm off to bed." Now I knew she could see the disappointment on my face, but I wasn't pissed at her – it was Alice who was the target of my ire. Bella slipped out of my arms, stretching and yawning.

"Why don't you head home?" she said casually. I stared at her, shocked. _She doesn't want me around._ "You should get a good night's sleep in your own bed for once."

"Um … sure, OK," I said stiffly, switching off the television and following her out of the room. Bella grudgingly allowed me to carry her up the stairs to the bedroom. I gently placed her on the bed and gave her the usual chaste kiss goodnight. But this time, Bella came back for more, capturing the back of my head and teasing my mouth with her tongue. When she licked my lower lip, I couldn't hold back a moan. I wanted her so bad. For a moment, my pounding erection nearly won the fight.

Then Bella ended the kiss and smiled at me. "Goodnight, Edward," she said, and got off the bed. Her hips brushed against my arousal, and I gasped at the brief contact. But she didn't seem to notice, walking over to the bathroom and closing the door in my face.

This had never happened before in our relationship, and I had a really bad feeling about it. I stomped home, jerked off in furious silence and went to bed. And had the nightmare again.

~~ - ~~

Friday was awful. I spent the whole day trying to convince myself that Bella wasn't pulling away from me. Between my aggressive meeting schedule and my mental gymnastics, I didn't have time to masturbate. _Great,_ I thought sarcastically as I drove home, _it's become part of my routine. I should add it as a recurring meeting in my Outlook calendar. 1:30 p.m. – pull my dick in second stall of men's room. _

I may have slammed Bella's front door with a little more force than usual when I entered the house. Everything was silent.

"Bella? Renee?" I called.

"Upstairs in the bathroom," Bella replied. I climbed the stairs, my heart heavier with every step. I could hear water splashing in the tub – Bella must be giving Renee a bath. I manufactured a smile and looked into the bathroom.

_HolyMaryMother__ofGod_

Bella was in the tub. And she was most definitely not with Renee. I had to force myself to blink because the sight of her was so incredible.

The bathroom lights were off, and the room was lit with candles. A white silk nightgown I had never seen before was hanging on the door, and there was some sinfully sexy underwear on the counter. Bella was in the soaker tub which was overflowing with bubbles. One of her feet was up on the edge of the tub, bubbles sliding slowly down her gorgeous, kissable skin. Her toenails were painted pink. There were two glasses of sparkling wine on the counter, and the whole room smelled like heaven. Her beautiful hair was pinned sexily up on top of her head. I wanted to leap into the tub and fuck her right then and there.

_What did she just say?_

"Edward?"

"Oh … hi," I said lamely.

"I had such a wonderful day at the spa that I decided to have a nice bath while I waited for you," she said. "Would you like a drink? The one closest to you is champagne. Mine is sparkling grape juice." I grabbed the champagne like it was the last glass of liquid on earth and took a long swallow, trying to pull my scrambled wits together. I couldn't take my eyes off her; she was so sexy. "How was your day, honey?" she asked.

"Um … it was … good," I said. Bella moved in the water, and suddenly I could see her delicious pink nipples peeking sweetly above the bubbles. She shivered a little as the cool air touched her skin, making her tips grow hard. My cock instantly followed suit. _What the hell did she just ask me? Oh yeah, my day._ "We had some … uh … proposals in for a new … um … line of funding …" My brain went blank as my hard-on started to throb against my jeans, aching for release. I wanted to adjust myself, but there was no way I could do that with her staring right at me. I shifted my body, but it didn't do anything other than rub my jeans against my length, causing me more agony.

"That sounds interesting," she said sweetly. "Rose and I had a wonderful time at the spa. I got a massage – so relaxing. And I got waxed. Rose talked me into getting my bikini done. Would you like to see?"

_Oh. My__. God._

Bella rose up out of the bubbles, unusually gracefully for her. The bubbles slid down her skin in the sexiest way possible. My eyes were instantly drawn to her bush, which had been waxed down to a little landing strip. She may as well have hung a sign there that said 'This way to paradise, Edward.' I was out of my mind with lust for her.

"Do you like?" she asked softly. I nodded, unable to trust my voice. I was so hard that it hurt. Finally, I had to speak.

"Yes, lovely. I like it a lot," I sighed. I helped her step out of the tub. As soon as she was out, Bella turned and bent over to pull the plug. The sight of her wet, pink folds and sweet ass was unbelievably arousing. I broke a sweat.

"Towel me off?" she asked in a girlish voice, gesturing to a pile of brand new fluffy white towels on the counter. I held one out to her, and she stepped into it.

This was pure torture. _Stay focused. Do not lose control._

I started with her shoulders and back softly kissing the scars on my shoulders to remind me of why I needed to restrain myself. I knew Bella was self-conscious about the scarring from the accident, and I wanted her to know that I loved every inch of her. Biting my lips, I ran the towel down over her beautiful butt and the backs of her long, luscious legs until I was kneeling on the floor.

"Turn around, lovely," I whispered. As soon as she did, I was hit by the nearly overwhelming desire to bury my face in her pussy. Instead, I studiously dried her legs, touching her crotch as lightly as possible to avoid exciting her – I was excited enough for both of us right now. The higher up I went, the harder it got to hold back ... her soft belly, her magnificent breasts. I could feel her hard nipples right through the towel, and I was desperate to lick them until she screamed.

She rose up on her toes and kissed me chastely on the mouth.

"Thank you," she whispered into my lips. Then she reached around me and started putting on her new lingerie.

_OK, she's putting clothes on. That's going to make this easier. Just hang on until all the most tempting bits are covered. Then it will be easier._

It was at this moment that life decided to play a cruel joke on me. It wasn't easier watching her put on her sexy lingerie. It was_ harder._ For that matter, _I_ was harder than I'd ever been in my life. I was afraid I might come in my pants just standing here watching her. I stood there, helpless with desire.

She shook out the little white lace panties, and stepped into them. She pulled them up very slowly along her white thighs, running her hands over the delectable cheeks of her ass at the end. I was only inches away from her, and I'm sure she could hear my heart thundering in my chest.

She slipped the straps of the tiny lace bra over her shoulders, and reached behind to do it up. Then she cupped her lovely breasts and gave this adorable little shake to get them into place. As she did so, she accidentally touched her nipples, making them press against the lace. She moaned a little, and I had to grab the countertop to keep from attacking her. I couldn't seem to get enough oxygen from the warm air of the bathroom.

But it was the beautiful nightgown that was my undoing.

She picked up the floor length while silk peignoir and let it flutter down over her body. It slid over her lovely skin, showing off her tempting cleavage and hard nipples. She took a drink of her sparkling juice, put down the glass, and turned her back on me. She strolled back into the bedroom, her full hips swaying temptingly.

I lost control. I just _lost _it.

I leaped out of the bathroom and grabbed her, wrapping my arm around her chest. I gasped into her ear.

"Do you have _any_ idea what you just did to me in there?" By way of answering, Bella stepped backward and rubbed her luscious ass into my hardness. I nearly came on the spot.

"Yes, I have a fairly good idea," she replied. I growled into her ear and turned her around, attacking her mouth. I shoved my tongue into her mouth and started ravaging it. Far from being upset, Bella responded with equal passion, flinging her arms around my neck. I could feel her soft yielding belly against my raging erection. It was an instant reminder of how fragile she was, and how potentially damaging I could be to her. Pushing back the lust-filled haze, I dropped my arms and jerked away, nearly knocking her to the floor in the process.

"I can't do this … I'm going to hurt you," I said, my voice strained. "You just got out of the hospital, Bella. It's too soon."

But instead of cooperating with me, making this easier on both of us, Bella slid back into my arms, her soft silk-covered body close to mine, sending me another wave of heat through me.

"Yes, I was in the hospital. But now I'm out. And I'm healed," she said. "You are not going to hurt me. I won't let you – and you won't let yourself do it either. Now come here." Her fingers started to undo my shirt. I wanted to say no, to stop her from taking this risk … but before I could get a word out of my mouth, she put one finger over my lips. "I promise we won't do anything that could cause me pain. If you're scared for me at any point, just say so, and we will stop. OK?"

I broke, nodding. I was out of my mind with desire for her, and I knew I couldn't deny her or myself any longer.

Bella's lips trailed down my chest, and in seconds, she had my jeans undone and around my ankles. I shrugged out of my shirt and kicked off my shoes and socks. I stood there in my underwear, which my penis was threatening to tear out of at any moment. Suddenly, she ran one finger down my length, and my whole body twitched at the sudden touch.

She slipped into bed and held her arms out to me with a look of invitation on her face. Trembling, I lay down beside her, and kissed her. She tasted so good, like mint and sugar and her own sweet flavor. I couldn't get enough of her, running my lips down her throat and into the valley between her breasts. As beautiful as her pretty nightgown was, I knew I had to get it off her now before I tore it off her.

"Oh God," I moaned. "You're so beautiful in this stuff." I picked up the hem of the indecently sexy gown. "But I can't wait to get it off you." I slid the peignoir off her, and gazed hungrily at her body, now covered by just a few scraps of fabric. "So beautiful," I murmured, trying to restrain myself as I took the bra off her. Then I stripped away the bit of lace between her luscious thighs, and ripped off my own boxers. My cock was so hard it was standing against my stomach.

_What the fuck am I supposed to do now? __How can I do this without putting pressure on her upper thigh or forcing her to spread her legs too far apart? And how can I even enter her when I'm so excited that I know I'll blow before I get all the way into her? _

I knelt down beside her, and decided to go with the direct approach.

"I don't know how to do this without hurting you," I said, feeling my voice quivering. "If I even have time to hurt you - I'll probably only last about a minute." _I knew I should have jerked off at work today. _

Bella gently pulled me down beside me, her cool fingers stroking my forehead, like she was trying to smooth away my worries. It felt good.

"I think I'm in the same state you are," she confessed, blushing a little but still smiling. I looked down over her body and saw the deep flush of excitement under her skin. The smell of her arousal was intoxicating. "So let's have a little fun first, and worry about how long it lasts on the second round."

I watched, unable to breathe, as she slid down the bed until her head was in front of my jerking erection. She looked up at me with an adorably innocent expression. "See? I'm just lying on the bed. No strain on my leg." I tore my eyes away from her face and looked at what was lying just within reach of me. Her thighs were trembling and rubbing slightly together. I could see moisture glistening in the little strip of public hair. _God, she's just as ready as I am._

Then she put my tortured cock into her mouth. Every intelligent thought fled my brain as her mouth went to work. I picked up her uninjured leg, threw it over my shoulder, and plunged into paradise.

I knew from the first second her mouth touched me that I wouldn't last more than a minute or two. But for the first time, I didn't care. All I knew was that I loved her, needed her and had kept both of us waiting far too long.

She was warm, sweet and unbelievably wet. Her need was clearly as ferocious as my own, so I sucked her clit into my mouth and lavished it with attention. The little nub was swollen and hard, and she rubbed herself against my face, seeking release.

I could feel my own orgasm boiling just below the surface, and I couldn't stop myself from thrusting rhythmically into her open mouth. My balls were aching, and I needed to come so bad. Abruptly, she did some little trick with her throat, and I sank deep into her. The pleasure was so immediate and overwhelming that I lost what little hold I had. I heard a wild shout of relief, and then realized it was me … I was coming, and coming hard.

The sensation of me screaming against her clit sent Bella over the edge. Her thighs clamped down around my ears, and I felt her orgasm into my mouth harder than I'd ever felt before. Her wail of pleasure told me that she was feeling the same relief that I had just seconds before.

We lay there, gasping for breath. Suddenly, I remembered that we weren't alone in the house, and I was mortified that my loud expression of release might have been overheard. Mind you, I wasn't the only one who let loose.

"Jesus … we were both … so loud," I panted. "Did we wake up Renee?" Bella crawled back up to my side and collapsed, her naked body pressing deliciously into mine.

"She's not here," she murmured sexily. "She's with Rose and Emmett tonight. Tomorrow night, she's with Jasper and Alice. We've got the whole weekend to ourselves, no kids." _Oh my God, Renee's going to come home with a mountain of new clothes and a ridiculously expensive handbag. And I could honestly give a fuck. Give the kid 20 luxury handbags. She deserves._

"Tell me something," I asked. "That little stunt you pulled in the bathroom. Was that planned? Did you actually do all that just to lure me into bed?"

"Yes, it was planned," she said with a smile. "And I plan to keep you here in bed with me for the entire weekend." All my worries about hurting her came rushing back to the surface now that the initial lust had been relieved. Bella could see it on my face, and reacted instantly to stop me from getting upset.

"Don't worry," she soothed. "What we did just now – I didn't do anything that concerned you, did I?" I thought about it, and shook my head. "So don't worry … I've got this." She ran her fingers over my lips and along my jaw. "I've missed you so much."

"I missed you too … more than you can imagine," I whispered, catching her fingers and squeezing them.

"Oh, I can imagine quite a bit," she retorted. _You have no idea, Bella._ We both laughed.

She brushed her fingers across my lips, seeking access to my mouth, which I gladly allowed. Her fingertips slipped into my mouth, and I sucked on them hungrily. After a few moments, she removed her fingers and replaced them with her succulent mouth. We made out for a long time. Sooner than I ever would have believed possible, my cock hardened against my thigh. I wanted more than just kisses.

I sucked a trail down her neck, savoring every inch of her skin on the way down. My tongue drifted across the swells of her breasts. I reached over and cradled one mound in my hand, nuzzling her nipple with my nose, letting her feel the scratchiness of my chin. Then I wrapped my lips around her very hard nipple and started to suck. Bella's reaction was instantaneous. I loved her breasts … not just because they were warm, soft and sexy but because my attention to them elicited such a strong reaction in her.

"You love that, don't you?" I growled, rubbing my tongue around the sweet pink tip.

"Yes," she answered, suddenly ducking out of my grasp and capturing my nipple in her lips. "And so do you, I believe." She gave my nipple a little bite, and I felt pleasure race through my body. _No wonder she loves it so much, it feels so damn good._ She licked and sucked at my flesh until I was ragingly hard again.

"Uhhhnnn, Bella," I finally gasped, needing to touch her, needing to ravage her. I palmed her small breasts in my large hands, rubbing them roughly. Unable to stop myself, I pinched both her nipples – hard. She cried out with pleasure. I ran one hand down over her ribs and stomach to her new bikini line. I slowly let my fingers slip across the downy soft skin that had been revealed.

"Feels nice," I said, tracing my fingertips over her flesh. "So soft, so smooth." I slid my fingers into her wetness, touching from her dripping entrance up to her hungry little clit. "Does that feel good?"

"Yes," she panted, rubbing against me. She reached down and caught my aching penis in my hand. "I want you inside me so bad," she gasped.

"Eager tonight, are we?" I teased. As if I weren't equally eager for her body again.

"Yes," she moaned, inflaming me even further with her boldness. "Very." She released me – much to my disappointment - then rolled over, her back pressing against me and her gorgeous ass flush against my hardness. Then she reached between her legs and gently freed my cock, running it all along her wet pussy. I gasped with pleasure as she rubbed my tip along the entire length of her sex. Then she placed the head of my cock right at her open entrance, and gave a little wiggle, begging me to enter her from behind.

This was insanely arousing. With a groan, I dipped just the tip of my cock into her wet opening, letting it slide in just a little. _Total heaven._ Mindful of her fragile body, I ran my hands up over her bottom and grasped her hips. I sank all the way into her warm wetness, feeling her velvety softness squeeze me gently. As impossible as it was to believe, she felt even better around me than I thought possible.

"Does it feel good?" she asked, rolling her hips back a little so that I went even deeper. Taking her from behind was even better than I'd fantasized.

"Oh God, yes," I choked out. "Bella, you're so wet. And warm." Remembering that she probably wouldn't get much external stimulation from this position, I reached down to stroke her clit. She gasped with pleasure. "I love you so much, baby," I said through clenched teeth as I started moving in and out.

"Love you too," she breathed. I thrust into her, running my fingers around and around her bundle of nerves. Faster than I would have thought possible, Bella was quivering under my hand, pressing her ass hard into me to get me in deeper. Her climax was so intense that I had to stop moving for fear I would follow her too fast.

After a few moments, I started again, plunging deeper into her. He let my hand drift down to where were connected, just so I could feel the place where my body ended and hers began – because right now, it was hard to tell just where that was.

_Bad idea!_ The feeling of her entrance spread wide open to accommodate my hard cock was beyond exciting. I could feel everything starting to tighten inside me, and I knew I wouldn't be able to pull back from this. In a frenzy of desire, I started rubbing her clit again, roughly. I was about to come, and my rhythm went to hell as my orgasm mounted. Suddenly Bella grabbed my fingers and pressed them hard against her clit, both of us exploding in the same moment. I came so hard I could see white spots in the field of my vision.

I lay there, plastered against her, my heart racing. I felt like I'd died and gone to heaven. But as I slowly pulled myself out of her warm body, my stomach did a back flip – my spunk was dripping everywhere_. I forgot the condom! Shit!_

"Bella … I forgot to use protection. Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I just got so carried away …" I was startled when she cut off my words with a tender kiss.

"Don't worry," she said. "I had it taken care of at the hospital. We're all good. Unless you have a dirty little secret from your past you need to tell me." I blushed and shook my head. "No? Me neither. Clean as a whistle, inside and out."

I pulled her gently into my arms, and she kissed me. "Thank you," I said.

"For what?"

"For this. For helping me understand that you're not as breakable as I thought you were. And for doing it in such an irresistible way." She kissed me again, and I could feel her tongue drift against the corner of my mouth.

"My pleasure," she said softly.

_Not entirely,_ I thought. But she sure didn't complain when I woke her the first time to make love to her again. Or the second time.

After we made love for the third time, we lay intertwined in the afterglow, watching the sunrise through the window. She took my fingers in hers and kissed them lightly. I wrapped my arm around her body and pulled her as close as I could get her. Bella slowly drifted off to sleep beside me, a tiny smile playing around the corner of her mouth.

That was the moment when I started to think about how I would ask her to marry me.

_**A/N: I wasn't planning to do a proposal chapter, but so many people asked for it that I'm now setting up for it. Who could say no to Edward? Not me!**__** Read and review, folks. All proposal ideas greatly appreciated!!**_


	20. Eight Months Later

_**A/N: Because the only thing that's sexier than Edward Cullen is … Edward Cullen with a power tool!**_

_Eight months later_

BPOV

I was having a shitty day. You know the kind I mean … nothing catastrophic happened. No natural disasters. No plane crashes. It was just a bad day with a whole lot of little screw-ups that I could have done without.

Renee just didn't want to get out of bed in the morning and when she did, she was a grouch. We finally got out of the door, but not before she had a typical six-year-old's hissy fit. She was remorseful by the time I dropped her at daycare. I felt like I had a layer of sweat over my body when I pulled into the high school.

It was a beautiful May day, and the kids were far more interested in spring than they were in English Lit. Every class was a challenge from beginning to end, and I'm not sure anyone was absorbing the material I was teaching.

I spent most of my lunch coaching a junior student whom I'd spent a lot of time with this semester. Her writing skills were really improving, and I was thrilled with her growing interest in the classics. At the end of the session, however, she told me that she'd be quitting school at the end of the year because she had just learned she was pregnant and wanted to keep her baby.

It hit me harder than I expected. She was only 17 years old, and the odds were already stacked against her. I offered her my support, promised to give her extra tutoring right up to the end of the year, into the summer and even after the baby came. Maybe she would come back and take night courses – she was only a handful of credits shy of graduation. Or maybe she would leave in June and I'd never see her again.

It wasn't the first time it had happened to a student of mine, and certainly wouldn't be the last. But that didn't make it any easier. The incident upset me more than I was willing to admit.

And to top it off, I'd found a grey hair today. _Not_ on my head – I already had plenty of those. Damn it.

I was late leaving school, late picking up Renee (the daycare owner discreetly handed me a bill – parents were charged $1 for every minute they were late) and got stuck in rush hour traffic. I sighed. Definitely a bad day.

I pulled out my cell phone to call Edward. Battery was dead. I looked for my car charger. Nowhere in sight.

"Shit," I said very quietly in the front seat.

"Mommy, you said the "s" word that rhymes with 'mitt'!" Renee crowed gleefully from the back seat. If her voice were not the sweetest music in the world to me, I might have lost my temper. Instead, I laughed. You learned to do these things when you were a parent. We put on a CD and sang together the rest of the way home.

It had been nearly a year since Renee and I had moved into Twilight Hills and found our new home. So much had changed … most of it for the better. Renee's voice rang through our lives once again, her years of silence finally behind us. She still went for speech therapy and still struggled with pronunciation. I remember crying with joy the first time Renee had to have a time-out at daycare – for talking during story time.

Of course, she had an excellent role model for fast and frequent talking. Lily Cullen and Renee were inseparable … kind of like Lily's dad and Renee's mom.

Edward and I were happy. Insanely, ridiculously happy. We still lived in our adjoining townhouses, neither one of us particularly ready to give up our respective home. Renee and Lily had a lot of sleepovers. In fact, we had so many sleepovers that Lily had acquired a set of bunk beds.

Emmett teased us that all Edward and I did was talk – and we did spend a crazy amount of time talking to each other, debating, learning about one another – but what else we did was none of his business. We actually had so much sex it was embarrassing. I was going to be 40 soon. Should I really be having this much fun?

The sun was slipping below the horizon by the time we got home. I felt a twinge in my bad leg as I got out of the car … the leg I'd broken ached if I spent too much time standing in the classroom in heels. They told me it was normal. Today, it just made me feel old.

Renee was clamoring for dinner when we got inside. Edward was nowhere to be seen (although I knew he was home because the Volvo was in the adjoining driveway). I pushed back momentary frisson of irritation at him for not being around – it wasn't his job to cook dinner for us. But gee, it would have been nice tonight.

I handed Renee a banana to tide her over and began rummaging in the fridge for leftovers. A perfect culinary end to a bummer day.

As I began to cut up some leftover chicken to make a salad, a terrifyingly loud sound erupted from right outside the back door. I screamed and dropped the knife, sending it clattering to the tile floor. Renee leaped up from the kitchen table in alarm.

"What is dat, Mommy?" she asked breathlessly.

"I have no idea, baby," I said, wiping my hands on a kitchen towel. "It sounds like a chainsaw. What on earth is going on out there?" I walked to the back door, still in my heels and school uniform, and wrenched it open. I stomped out on to the back deck, Renee on my heels.

Edward was standing in the middle of the deck. With a massive DeWalt circular saw in his hands. He shut it off as soon as we appeared.

"Edward Cullen, you nearly gave me a heart attack! What are you doing with that thing?" I suppose it came out a bit harsher than I intended, but he had frightened us.

"Um, you weren't picking up or answering any of my texts …"

"We ran late. Most people would have knocked, you know. Or perhaps you could have used your key instead and …" I stopped in mid-sentence as I looked around. There was something peculiar going on out here.

First of all, Lily was sitting up on the railing in a pretty pink party dress and white shoes. Lily never wore dresses except on pain of death – she was the original tom-boy. She was grinning like a maniac.

All around Lily – around the whole railing of the deck and on the patio tables and every other flat surface – were candles. White ones. Where there weren't any candles, there were roses. Red and white.

And Edward really was standing in the middle of the deck. The _middle_ – where the railing between our two decks used to be.

"Eh-ward," said Renee, who still lisped charmingly over his name. "Where did the fence go?" In unison, he and Lily pointed just behind us, where the six foot length of wooden railing was propped. I turned back to stare at him in disbelief, and suddenly noticed that he too was dressed up, looking sinfully sexy in a black suit and a tie hanging loosely around his neck. His beautiful bronze hair was even more wildly rumpled than usual, and his eyes were ablaze with some powerful emotion. It had been nearly a year, and he still took my breath away.

There was a silence as we stood facing each other. Someone – Lily I think – giggled. Edward was still holding the power saw in one hand. Suddenly my heart started to pound for no good reason. Edward smiled crookedly at me, his heart in his eyes.

"Marry me," he said. "Marry _us_."

I didn't say anything. I didn't move. Nothing. The moment seemed to spin out forever, and the blazing joy in his eyes started to fade – being rapidly replaced by doubt.

"Put the saw down," I finally said. He did so, dropping it to the deck with a bang. "That's better. Yes."

Lily shrieked with excitement and leaped off the railing to hug me. Renee, who was less clear on what was going on, followed Lily's lead. Edward stepped across the deck, no longer divided by the railing, and pulled me into his arms. It was a little crowded with two excited girls climbing on us, but it didn't matter. There never were only two people in this love story – there had always been four.

"Now you get to be my sister forever and live with me when I'm with Daddy," explained Lily excitedly to Renee. "And we get to be flower girls in the wedding!" The two of them were jumping up and down with excitement and eventually bounced into Edward's house. It was just the two of us. He pulled me tight against him, then tighter still. His warm full lips captured mine, and we were the only two people in the world.

"That didn't go exactly as I'd planned it," he admitted when we finally broke apart.

"You weren't planning to propose with a power saw in your hand?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow.

"Not really," he said, blushing. "I had a little speech thought up as well. But then I looked at you and realized that none of that mattered. None of that has ever mattered between you and me. Oh, wait a second …" He fished into his jacket pocket and came up with a black velvet box. "I think this is what I was supposed to have in my hands, not the saw."

I opened the box with curiosity and more than a little trepidation. I wasn't much of a jewelry person, and even less of a big diamond ring girl. I would have been just as happy without an engagement ring. But I had gladly worn a diamond solitaire for Jacob in my 20s, and I would do it again for this wonderful man too.

I gazed at the ring inside the box, and then looked up at him with a look of wonder on my face. His eyes searched my face anxiously for disappointment, and then softened with love when he saw none.

"It belonged to my grandmother – Esme's mother. It's Victorian, I think. It's been in our family for more than a century, and it's very special. But if you'd prefer something more modern or …" I put my finger on his mouth, and he smiled under it as he so often did.

"It's perfect." I lifted it up and looked it more closely. It was a lovely piece of Victorian-era jewelry. It looked like filigreed rose gold to me. A sapphire flanked by two small diamonds. Old mine gems, by the looks of them. A small, subtle piece of jewelry from a different time.

"You don't have to say that to please me, you know," he said diffidently. "I know most women want a solitaire."

"Good thing I'm not most women," I said. I held the ring out to him. "Will you put it on my finger?" I asked. Edward's face lit up with a brilliant smile, and he slid the ring on to my hand.

"I love you more than life, Isabella," he whispered.

"I love you, too, Edward Anthony," I said. Several kisses later, I came up for air. "Lily knew, I assume?"

"Yeah. She nearly choked to death keeping the secret. But it just felt important to make her part of it, you know?" I nodded and leaned my head against him. With a clatter of footsteps, the girls reappeared on the deck.

"Daddy, can we have dinner now?" asked Lily breathlessly. I looked up at him in surprise.

"You made dinner?"

"Kind of. I ordered sushi for us. The girls have soup and a mountain of tempura." My stomach growled immediately in response … our favorite sushi restaurant nearby did take out, and we were all too frequent customers. "But first, I want to talk to Renee," he said. Renee came over and hugged my knees, looking up at Edward shyly. He squatted down in front of her.

"I'd like to marry your mommy," he said. "How do you feel about that? Do you think you'd like all four of us to be a family?"

"I don't know," she said coyly, peeking at him from under her lashes. Flirting again. Renee had a crush on Edward a mile wide. I couldn't blame her – I felt the same way. "Would Lily and I be like sisters?" she asked.

"Yes," said Edward. "You would be sisters." He looked like he wanted to say something else, but stopped at the last minute. Renee looked up at him again, her eyes serious now.

"And would you be my daddy?" I could see Edward swallow hard when she asked that question. I was pretty sure I knew how he felt about that topic.

"Your daddy is in heaven," he said, his voice gruff. "And I know he's very proud of you. But I could be a different kind of daddy for you. It would be up to you and Mommy to decide that."

"OK," she said. "Can we eat now? I'm starving!" We laughed and headed inside to eat.

~~ - ~~

EPOV

After love, I held her in my arms, deliriously happy. I had been terrified in the days and hours leading up to the proposal. Not that I was uncertain of her love – that I never doubted. I was more concerned about whether she wanted to get married at all. We'd talked about it before – we talked about almost everything – and Bella had always been on the fence about the whole marriage thing. She said that she already belonged me, and that a piece of paper or a ring wouldn't make that any more official.

But that didn't matter now. I had asked – quite unintentionally quirkily, I knew – and she had said yes. And I was the happiest man in the world. I pulled back from her warm, naked body, and she made a sound of discontent.

"Sex fiend," I said teasingly. She reached down to squeeze my balls, and my cock, which had just gotten an energetic workout and should be sleeping like a baby, suddenly stirred on my thigh. "God damn it, Bella," I whispered, feeling desire awaken in my lower body again. "I want to talk."

She smiled and slid her hand away, giving me one last caress. "That sounds serious," she said.

"Well, you know," I said blushing, "a lot of couples get married without ever talking about the big stuff first. I wanted to make sure we asked all the important questions before we get carried away." She looked at me incredulously.

"Edward, is there anything left that we _haven't_ already discussed?"

"Maybe," I said.

"What, do you have a list of demands? Conditions?"

"No, no! That's not what I meant," I said, feeling flustered. "Just … questions." Bella sat up in bed, interested.

"OK, you have my attention. Ask away." Then all traces of teasing fell away, and I could see an undefined emotion flit across her beautiful features. "I might even ask you a question when you get to the end."

I sat up as well, tucking the sheet up around her bare breasts. "I don't want to be distracted," I said with a leer. We both cracked up. "Easy question first?" I asked. She nodded. "What kind of wedding do you want? Big one? Small one? Drive-through chapel in Vegas?"

"Not big," she said instantly, which was no surprise at all. "But not Vegas either … your family, the girls – they would be so disappointed. Something small, just with family and close friends. It doesn't have to be in a church."

"I figured we'd be on the same page there," I said with a smile. "Although Vegas does have some appeal." She shot me a deadly look. "Next question is more serious – and you probably know what it is. Renee mentioned it before dinner."

"You want to adopt her, don't you?" Bella asked softly. I nodded. She knew how much I wanted Renee to be my own daughter. But even I felt a little torn by the idea – I didn't want her to forget Jacob. And I didn't want to disrespect his memory. "How do you feel about that, lovely?" I asked curiously.

"I feel good about it," she replied slowly. "You're the best dad in the world." There was a silence. "But she's still Jacob's too. She belongs to both of you now, I guess." Her eyes were uncertain. "I guess I don't really know what the right thing to do is here. Why don't we wait and see? Maybe the answer will become clearer as time goes on. Maybe Renee will supply the answer herself." I nodded – that felt like the right thing to do. There was no rush.

"What about the houses?" I asked, knowing this was a hard question too. "It doesn't make sense for us to keep living next door to each other. We should probably sell one and move into the other. Or sell both and move somewhere else entirely. Maybe a little bigger. Although it's not like the four of us can't fit into one three-bedroom house." Bella nodded.

"It's hard to think about either of us giving up our homes, isn't it?" she said with a sad smile. "We met here, fell in love here …"

"I seduced you on the back deck here," I teased. I reached for her breast, still so tempting behind that thin sheet. She slapped my hand away.

"That too. But I agree that we need to get rid of at least one of them, probably before the wedding. I can call my realtor and have her come over for coffee and a chat. We can talk over the options then."

The last question I had for her was the most difficult because it was the one I was least certain of Bella's viewpoint on. And it was the one that – if I dug deep down inside myself – mattered the most to me. I would marry Bella regardless, but I'd need time to adjust if she and I differed on this particular matter.

"One more thing," I said huskily.

And I asked my last question.

Bella's face shot up to mine in surprise, her mouth half-open. Her face flushed and before I knew it, tears were spilling down her face. She hadn't cried when I'd asked her to marry me. Hadn't cried when I'd asked to adopt her daughter as my own. But this – this brought out the tears. And it made me scared because I thought it meant the answer would be no.

"It's OK, lovely," I said automatically, pulling her close. "I didn't mean to upset you, but I thought we should talk about it before …" Her finger came up and silenced me. Despite the emotional tension, I smiled – we still did that to each other all the time. I reached out my tongue and touched the side of her finger lightly. Inside joke.

"That was the one question I was going to ask you too," she said, her voice still trembling a little with tears. "And the answer is yes. More than I can tell you."

_**A/N: There's just one more chapter to the story – we have to find out what Edward asked Bella, don't we? (You're always welcome to guess, as usual.) And then it's time to give our all-grown-up couple some time to themselves. Maybe they'll come back again in another story.**_

_**If anyone's interested, I have outtakes from this story. Some nights, I suffered from verbal diarrhea and had to make choices about what to cut out so that people didn't pass away reading some of the chapters. Let me know if you're interested.**_

_**Looking back, I wish I'd called this story The Back Deck. But who would have known? **_


	21. Two Years Later

_**A/N: Of course most of you knew what Edward asked …**_

**_Two years later_**

BPOV

"Happy birthday, dear Bella, happy birthday to yooooooou!" Emmett, Renee and Lily dragged out the last syllable for a ridiculously long time. Emmett took a dramatic bow at the end, sending the girls into fits of giggles.

"Very nice," said Edward sarcastically.

We were sitting in the back yard, enjoying a rare day of fall sunshine. And I was 40.

"It's my birthday," I said with a serene smile. "So someone else can burp him." Instantly, five pairs of hands were thrust under my face. I'm surprised they didn't snatch him right off my breast in their haste to hold him.

Baby Jake was just finishing his lunch and starting to doze off in my arms. I picked him up and handed him to Esme while I covered up. "Use a cloth – last time, he spit up all down your back," I warned her. Esme wandered away into the garden, holding her grandson and cooing away. She was in heaven – even when he threw up down her back.

It wasn't every year that you became a grandma again – four times over. A moment later, Rosalie came out of the house, her arms full.

"Here you," she said, putting one toddler in Carlisle's arms and the second one in Alice's lap. "Now everyone gets a baby."

"I want a baby," whined Lily.

"I want a baby too," echoed Renee. Edward murmured something that sounded like "Over my dead body."

Rosalie sat down in the lounge chair and put on her sunglasses. "Wake me in about three days," she said to Emmett. He grinned and came up behind her to give her a shoulder massage.

"World's best mom," he said, his eyes brimming with love. Alice made a gagging sound, and he aimed a swat at her. "Jealous?" Emmett asked.

"Not a chance," said Alice with great contentment. Alice and Jasper had successfully resisted the Cullen baby boom by their own choice. "Why do I need to have a baby when I have all these delicious morsels to play with and then hand back to their parents at the end of the day?" She bounced Charlotte on her knee, who laughed in response. "See? They all love Auntie Alice." As well they should – Alice kept all the babies ridiculously well clad. Renee now had three designer handbags that collectively cost more than my car.

"D'ya think this one will want to be a doctor?" murmured Carlisle to himself, holding up Ethan.

Rosalie and Emmett's twins were just over a year old. They were – as Esme delicately referred to it – an "unexpected pleasure." Which meant that Edward and I did have a wedding in Vegas – but it ended up being Rose and Emmett's shotgun wedding, not ours.

Edward and I had married not long after he proposed in a small ceremony at an inn north of the city. Lily and Renee had been flower girls. Carlisle stood for Edward, Rose stood for me. Again.

"Isn't it bad luck if you stand up for someone at their second wedding when you stood up for them at the first one?" Rose had fretted.

"It's not like you were responsible for the end of the first marriage, Rose," I pointed out. "And who else would I have with me on my wedding day than you?"

After much debate and more than a few tears, we had decided to sell Edward's house and move into mine. The person who ended up buying it was a fabulous woman in her mid-40s, single, dynamic and successful. Her name was Kim, and she and I clicked from the first day.

"Why has this piece of railing been removed?" asked the house inspector severely as he reviewed the house prior to the sale. Edward and I stammered our way through a lame explanation which nobody believed. Afterward, Kim pounced on me and demanded the real story. I told her – reluctantly – and she squealed with delight.

"See, I knew moving here was the right thing. It's a sign that I'm going to meet the man of my dreams here too. You guys have left good vibes all over the place!"

"As long as it was just good vibes and nothing else," joked Emmett afterwards, earning a sharp smack on the back of the head from Jasper.

Kim wouldn't let us replace the railing.

Baby Jake took his time coming, despite our near constant practice. Although we never knew for sure, we suspected he had been conceived on the back deck – an activity that we still indulged in from time to time. When the stick turned finally pink, we knew it was time to sell the remaining townhouse and find something larger. This decision engendered copious amounts of hormonal tears on the part of yours truly.

We sold my house to a newly divorced guy named Neil. He had two sweet daughters and shared custody of them with his ex. He wouldn't let us put the railing back either. When we drove away in the moving van, he and Kim were already sharing a coffee.

"Send us a wedding invite!" we shouted out as we pulled out of the driveway for the last time.

We moved not far from Twilight Hills, halfway between our old houses and Carlise and Esme's home. Four bedrooms – enough for each of our children and us. Renee seemed a little troubled by the move and asked a lot of questions.

"This is my own bedroom?" she asked for the sixth or seventh time, touching the walls.

"Yes, baby. Remember, you chose the paint color," I reminded her. She cuddled into my vanishing lap as we sat on her bed. I stroked her beautiful black hair. "Are you worried about living here?"

"Maybe," she said. "You'll still be my mommy after the new baby comes, won't you?" I cuddled her close.

"I'll always be your mommy, no matter what. Even after your new brother or sister comes." She chewed pensively on her lip for a moment. Edward leaned against the door frame, listening to our conversation.

"I think I'd like to have my new kind of daddy now," she said suddenly. "Could Eh-ward be my daddy?"

"Yes, darling. If that's what you want. I know Edward and I would like that very much. And I think your daddy in heaven would be just fine with that too." Both of us were suddenly wrapped in a pair of very warm, strong arms. I could feel the tears on his cheeks as he hugged us close.

The paperwork for Renee's adoption came through not long before Jake was born. And suddenly Esme, after years of griping about only have one grandchild, now had five.

It wasn't perfect. No marriage, no family is.

But it was close.

_**A/N: I know … sweet as sugar. But I just loved my grown-up Edward and Bella so much that I couldn't deny them anything. Including sweet baby Jake. **_

_**So first … some thank yous. I would be incredibly remiss if I didn't thank EdwardsCandyCane, trutwilightfantasy, Moxi, Curious88, SweetSouthernGal, CMGeek, sli723, SoManyObsessions and skaye5880 for all of their review and encouragement. I got so many good suggestions and encouragement, but these ladies were my regulars. You have no idea how much your words meant to me. Thanks, girls.**_

_**I have outtakes, as promised. But they might take a while because I got caught up in creating a new story which is pretty much threatening to take over my life because I'm so crazy about it. It's called Behind Enemy Lines. It's very different than this one – more of an adventure story than anything else. Bella and Edward meet as teens while they are travelling around the world in an educational program. They fall in love but just can't reconcile their divergent goals enough to get together. **_

_**Nearly 10 years later, Edward – now a doctor – covertly enters a war zone to help defend his beloved home country against a foreign invasion. Bella – now an international aid worker – refuses to believe he's dead after he goes missing in action. This is the story of Bella risking everything in the middle of a massive humanitarian crisis in a desperate attempt to find Edward and bring him back to safety. **_

_**Hope you'll check it out and give it a try. It's an unusual story line, but people reading it so far have been incredibly generous with reviews and praise. **_

_**Outtakes later, I promise. Thanks again for sticking with me on my first fanfic!**_


	22. Expectations: Outtake

**This outtake is long overdue. I'm sure it has been a while since most of you have read **_**Silence & Security**_** (if at all). This is the story of an older Edward and Bella - both single parents in their late 30s – who are neighbors in a Seattle suburb. **

**Bella is a widow, her husband Jacob having taken his own life when their daughter Renee was barely three. Renee was so badly traumatized by the discovery of her father's body that she becomes an elective mute for some years, rarely able to speak even to those closest to her. **

_**Silence & Security**_** is the story of how Edward and Bella meet and fall in love. And how - despite the complexity of their single parenting lives and the challenges of the past – love is finally enough to build and keep a blended family together for always.**

**In one chapter of S&S, Bella is visited by Jacob's younger cousin, Seth. He arrives at night, not wanting Renee to see him and perhaps confuse him for Jacob. Though Seth only appears in that one scene, the implication is that he could play a role in Renee's life, perhaps to keep her connected to her Quileute heritage. **

**It was my first fanfic. At the time, a reader asked to learn more about Seth and Renee. I promised I'd do that. It's nearly a year later – that reader is now one of my best friends, and we're meeting next month for the first time. I couldn't have survived the last year without her, and I'm grateful for her every day.**

**This is for Algie. **

~~ - ~~

SPOV

It was just before dawn, and a light drizzle was falling. Even out on the water, the cool of early morning had a taste of the heat and humidity that would follow later in the day. The fish didn't seem to be biting, but the bugs sure were.

Seth Clearwater hated fishing. Even as a boy, he hadn't enjoyed it - too much sitting still. He suddenly remembered his father admonishing him for wiggling in the boat too much. Seth was abruptly swept with longing for his dead father. For a moment, he thought he could get a whiff of Harry's old pipe. Then it was gone.

_Dad, I wish you were here now to help me_, he thought.

The other person in the boat did not have any problem sitting in motionless silence. Like her grandfather Charlie, Renee was seemingly born to fish and had been doing so since she was old enough to hold a rod.

She sat without a word in the bow, gazing out over the water. Her long black curls were bundled in a ponytail that stuck out the back of a Seattle Mariners baseball cap. Seth couldn't see her face clearly in the dim light, but he had the feeling she was wearing the same sullen expression she'd worn for the month and a half she'd been with him on the reservation.

_For all the good this damn summer is doing her, anyway._

~~ - ~~

Bella had called him in June, weeping. For a moment, Seth had been frozen with terror, thrown back in time a dozen years to when he'd gotten the news that his cousin Jacob had died at his own hand, leaving Bella a widow in her 30s. After a few urgent questions, Seth had learned this was a crisis of another kind.

Renee Black-Cullen was 14 then. And, it seemed, getting herself into a world of trouble in high school. Cutting classes. Smoking. Hanging out with a tougher crowd. Experimenting with booze. When Edward had caught his adopted daughter huffing glue with a couple of boys in her room, her parents had realized something was wrong – very wrong – with Renee.

The Cullen household had not been a happy one in the weeks following that discovery. From what Bella told him, Edward had screamed himself hoarse. Nothing had worked – groundings, loss of privileges, family meetings. Things had gone rapidly downhill.

Whatever the problem was, Renee wasn't talking about it – not to her parents, not even to her older step-sister Lily, with whom she was so close. It had been years since she had been in therapy for either her elective mutism or her private traumas. When Edward and Bella had brought up the possibility of her returning to counseling, Renee dug in. She did not want to go back to the psychiatrist. She would, however, accept a compromise.

Seth was the compromise. Or at least, a summer on the Quileute reservation outside of Forks was.

Despite his best efforts, Edward's trepidation at this plan had showed more than a little when Renee's parents dropped her off. Seth couldn't blame him. Most people wouldn't consider a reservation to be the ideal spot for a young person with budding alcohol and drug issues. But the Quileute res had a pretty good reputation, and Renee would be kept busy helping look after Seth and Amy's two-year-old daughter, Sarah.

And help she did. Renee was an excellent _au pair_, having gained plenty of experience as an older sister to Baby Jake. (They still referred to him as Baby Jake even though the boy was nearly seven and hated the nickname.) But though she was friendly and loving with little Sarah, Renee hadn't lowered the walls to let Seth in.

He had tried everything. Being a father figure. A best friend. He had been stern, he had been loving. But in the end, he had been shut out. That had hurt more than he expected. Seth and Renee had been close since she was nearly eight – but no longer, it seemed.

Pained by her rejection, Seth had cooled toward Renee, even though he knew he shouldn't take it so hard. _She used to be so happy_, he thought. _What went wrong? Do all teenage girls end up like this? Why is she acting like this?_

_Later_, he thought. _I'll deal with her later._

~~ - ~~

Two nights later, Seth awoke suddenly from a deep sleep. At first, he thought it was Sarah crying out that had roused him. Then he heard a muffled voice from somewhere outside their partly opened window.

"Shut up, you'll wake up my Uncle Seth." Renee's voice floated into the room. Seth rolled over and squinted at the clock. 2:49 A.M. _What the hell?_

"Nobody heard," replied a sulky male voice. Seth was wide awake then, fully alert. He smelled cigarette smoke on the breeze, heard the sloshing sound of a bottle being passed around. His heart sank. He slipped silently out of bed and down the hall, following the sounds. There were two, maybe three masculine voices along with Renee's.

_Bella is for sure gonna kill me,_ he suddenly thought.

The kids were on the back step of the house. The kitchen window was closest and conveniently kept open to let in the cooler night air. He leaned against the kitchen counter, his arms folded against his bare chest. And listened.

"He ain't your uncle anyway," said one of the boys. Seth made him as Dan, one of Jared's sons. A decent enough kid, but with a bit of an attitude now that he was 16.

"I know," said Renee defensively. "But what else am I supposed to call him? First Cousin Once Removed Seth? That's dumb." Seth heard the sound of the bottle being tipped up, followed by a low, growling belch. "Gross," said Renee. "Say excuse me."

"You're pretty fucking bossy," another voice said. Seth shifted uneasily – that sounded like Jonah from down Makah way. But he was nearly 20, wasn't he? What was he doing here, hanging around with Renee? "Coming down here, acting like one of us." The boy's voice was cold and mean.

"Renee is one of us," someone said. That was Eli, Seth's 15-year-old nephew. Eli adored Renee. Seth was vaguely relieved that he was there, although he knew Leah would beat the ever-loving snot right out of her son if she knew he was out drinking and smoking in the middle of the night.

"No she's not," replied Jonah, and Seth could almost hear the sneer in his voice. "She's a fucking half-breed." There was a sudden silence from outside at the appalling epithet. "That's what we call your kind around here, ya know."

More silence. Then Renee's thin, dull voice in the night.

"I know. That's what they call me back home, too."

~~ - ~~

"Renee," he said, his voice breaking the dawn stillness. Her dark head tipped up slightly and she squinted at Seth. They looked at each other for a long moment. "I heard you out drinking with the boys on the back step the other night."

Renee lowered her eyes and reeled in her line a little, jiggling it expertly.

"You gonna yell at me now?" she said listlessly.

"No," Seth replied in a very low voice. "I'm gonna apologize." She stared at him in disbelief, and Seth knew he had his moment. Now or never.

"Renee, by the time you were five, you had already dealt with more challenges than most people see in a lifetime. And then within another couple of years, you went from being on your own with your mom to having a new father figure in your life, an older step-sister, and then a baby brother." Seth looked down at the rod in his hands and then back up at the girl in front of him.

"Being a teenager is hard. I don't know why all of us expected that it would somehow be easier for you. Maybe because you've been so strong for so much of your life. I forget that you're only 14, Renee, and have some heavy baggage to carry along with you. There's a limit to what a person can endure before they push back. I think maybe you've been trying to tell us for a while that you've reached your limit, and then some.

"I can't speak for your parents, baby, but I can speak for myself when I say this: I think I've been expecting too much of you. And I owe you an apology for that."

Renee hadn't moved or spoken during his little talk. As the sky to the east began to glow with approaching daylight, Seth could see that her brown eyes had filled with tears. She blinked, and two wet trails ran down her cheeks.

"I've let you down," she said in a choked voice. "I've let everyone down. Mom and Dad. You. Lily, Baby Jake. My teachers at school. Even my Daddy in heaven. I'm so bad."

"No," said Seth in a rough voice. "No. Your daddy – your first daddy – would be proud of you, Renee. I can't even tell you how much."

"But I've done things I shouldn't have."

Seth chuckled around the lump in his throat. "Like your daddy didn't," he said ruefully. "Jacob got into his share of trouble at your age and older too. So did I. All kids do, honey. It's part of growing up. It doesn't mean that you should do things that are wrong – and believe me, staying out until the middle of the night drinking with older boys from the Makah reservation, that's wrong. But it doesn't mean you're bad either." Seth could see that Renee didn't fully understand what he was saying, but at least she was listening.

"Listen, this part of life – it's about finding out who you are and making a place for yourself in the world. We all get a little lost in the process, but most find their way out the other side without too much damage."

Renee looked at Seth sadly. "I don't know anything about who I am. I don't fit in back home, and I don't really belong here. I don't know who I'm supposed to be. I don't even know if I'm white or a Quileute. Shouldn't I know which one I am by now?"

This, at least, was something Seth could understand.

"C'mon," he said gently. "Let's reel in these lines and go grab some breakfast. Then I want to take you down the shoreline, to where your daddy and I used to hang out when we were younger. And then maybe, I think we'll go visit your daddy."

"You mean, go see where he's buried?" asked Renee. "I've seen that place before."

"I know," said Seth with a sad smile. "But sometimes when you have troubles, it helps to talk to your dad. Even when he's not there to talk back to you. Trust me."

~~ - ~~

A few hours later, Seth sat slumped in the front seat of his truck, smoking a cigarette. He knew he shouldn't do it, especially in front of Renee. Amy was always on him about it. But sometimes, a guy just needed a smoke. This was one of those times.

He flicked the butt out the open window and sat up when he saw Renee emerge from the little graveyard, her face wet with fresh tears. But her step, he noted, seemed a little bit lighter.

Seth had no illusions that one morning of self-discovery would turn Renee around. Like any other adolescent with grief to spare, she'd have to find her own way through it. Hell, there were a few graves in that very cemetery of kids who hadn't succeeded.

But for Renee Black-Cullen, today had been a start.


End file.
